K.C. Davis > Quotes

“I’m learning that when marginalized communities face racism or classism, high standards for cleanliness can be a way for a family to reassert their own dignity in the face of dehumanizing stereotypes about being lazy, unintelligent, or dirty. Loving families might insist that their home sparkle or their children’s clothes be spotless, not out of a perceived superiority, but as a way of protecting against discrimination.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“not a moral failing, tidy is simply a preference, organization is functional, and you deserve to function.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organising

“Health and hygiene are far more complex than “eat healthy and shower.” You must possess the social skills to call the doctor and attend appointments. You must have the time and energy to fill prescriptions and, again, the executive functioning to take the medications every day. Even tasks that appear to be secondhand thoughts to most people—brushing your teeth, washing your hair, changing your clothes—can become almost impossible in the face of functional barriers.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“There are lots of ways to make your body smaller that will not produce better health.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“it’s not wrong to prioritize your functioning and find other ways you can contribute to environmentalism. Climate change is real. Environmentalism is important. But we are not going to fix the earth by shaming people with mental health and neurodiverse needs out of adaptive routines they need to function. Take that energy to Congress. Those who feel anger at someone with clinical depression or ADHD for not engaging in eco-optimal behaviors are seriously deluded. One of the major tenets of health professions is harm reduction. No one is made functional overnight, and some people may always have barriers. The goal then is to take steps that reduce harm, first to self, then to those individuals around us, then to our community. You cannot jump right to community harm reduction before first addressing individual harm reduction. Therefore, if a newly widowed woman struggles to eat, she is released from the obligation of having an eco-perfect diet not because eating ethically is unimportant, but because when the real-world choices for someone are eating dairy or eating nothing, it is always the ethical choice to eat. It is always the ethical choice to encourage that person to eat whatever they can manage. Harm reduction is always ethical.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“tool that can be very helpful when deciding how to prioritize and de-prioritize items is the 9 square. Pick an area of your life. School, activism, parenting, et cetera. For our example, we will use self-care. Write a list of things you think are important for your self-care. First, think of the self-care items that have the highest impact on your mental health. Let’s say taking your medication, showering, and having clean dishes. Next list those item that have a medium impact (rest, socializing, and exercise) and those that have a lower impact (laying out tomorrow’s outfit, folding clothes, and cleaning your floors). You can choose as many items as you’d like. Next, divide them into those things that take low effort, medium effort, or a high amount of effort. Place your items in the corresponding squares in the chart.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“And that’s the funny thing about doing your best; it never feels like your best at the time. In fact, it almost always feels like failing when you’re in it.”
― KC Davis

“The key for me being able to begin to run a functioning home was when I stopped talking to myself the way you are talking to me right now.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“remember that upgrading your laundry system can only increase your functioning, not your worth.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organising

“Begin to notice how you speak to yourself on days when you feel you have fallen behind. You can set up the best systems in the world and they won’t change your life if you still hate yourself on days when you can’t keep up.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“Research shows that people who report feeling burnout can take months or even years before they start feeling recovered from the damage of that psychological stress. Your body might need that extended time to process and rest and be.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“With routines you are either on track or not. With rhythm you can skip a beat and still get back in the groove.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“Although it looks like a lot, there are actually only five things in any room: (1) trash, (2) dishes, (3) laundry, (4) things that have a place and are not in their place, and (5) things that do not have a place.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“You weren't getting up when you were being mean to yourself either, so at least you can be nice to yourself. No one ever shamed themselves into better mental health.”
― KC Davis

“you deserve a beautiful sunday”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“There is no right way here; it’s simply what is the lower stress option. You get to decide.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“You are not lazy or dirty or gross. You are not a failure. You just need nonjudgmental and compassionate help.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning

“If I had spent those seven months telling myself I was a piece of shit every time I looked at that laundry pile, I probably would not have had the motivation to do it despite having the time. That is because if a laundry pile represents failure, and I’m already struggling with a newborn and a pandemic and an energetic toddler, my brain, which is trying desperately to avoid pain and seek pleasure (or at least relief from pain), is never going to give me the green light to lean in to yet another painful experience like spending 30 minutes in my failure pile of laundry. But it’s not failure. It’s laundry.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: 31 Days of Compassionate Help

“If you have a particularly rude or pushy person in your life, you can use my favorite boundary phrase, which is “thank you for your concern, but I am not taking any feedback on this issue right now.” Or my personal favorite: “The key for me being able to begin to run a functioning home was when I stopped talking to myself the way you are talking to me right now.”
― K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning