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“The problem with being an adult is absolutely everything.”
― Intercepted
― Intercepted
“Thank you for staying.”
“I’m not sure you’ve realised this yet, but I really like you, Drew. I always want to stay with you.”
― Better Than Fiction
“I’m not sure you’ve realised this yet, but I really like you, Drew. I always want to stay with you.”
― Better Than Fiction
“I don’t know if most great writers drop an F-bomb into their declarations of love, but unlike most of the heroines in those stories, I love nothing more than a well-placed “fuck” . . . in every way.”
― Fumbled
― Fumbled
“As for me, however, I’m very much not into the idea of marriage.
I don’t even like myself half the time and you’re telling me it’s a good idea to latch myself on to one other person until death do we freaking part? Or more likely, until they cheat, get bored, or whatever other reason fifty percent of marriages end in divorce.”
― Better Than Fiction
I don’t even like myself half the time and you’re telling me it’s a good idea to latch myself on to one other person until death do we freaking part? Or more likely, until they cheat, get bored, or whatever other reason fifty percent of marriages end in divorce.”
― Better Than Fiction
“It doesn’t matter what you do. It’s not the scale that makes the gesture grand; it’s the motive and the meaning behind it that make it special.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“Gran always told me there were three types of people we should avoid at all costs: Someone who doesn’t return their grocery cart to the cart corral. A person whose voice doesn’t change when talking to dogs or babies. Anybody who is rude to the waitstaff at restaurants.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“It’s ripped from the very bottom of my soul, etched in pain and hurt, wrapped in love and grief. It’s horrifying and it’s beautiful, the sound of love that has fought to live on well after a person’s final days.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“For the first three years, it’s fun being a pro football player’s girlfriend.
“Marlee, let me see your hand! Did Chris propose yet?” Amber asks.
I’m in year ten.
“Still naked.” I wiggle my fingers in front of her the same way I did last week and the week before that . . . and the week before that. #HeDidntPutARingOnIt
Sometimes, I like to hashtag my life. #CheaperThanTherapy
I sip my margarita. “When it happens, I promise to let you know.” Or, you know, keep asking every time you see me.
“Marlee.” Courtney sighs. She stands at the head of the table clutching a glitter-coated gavel. “We made exceptions for you to join the Lady Mustangs. Try to acknowledge that and save your little side conversation until we’ve finished.”
“Sorry, Court.” Every time I call her Court, she strains her Botoxed forehead and glares in my direction, so obviously, it’s the only thing I call her. Well, sometimes I call her bitch, but she doesn’t know about that.
“As I was saying, the annual Lady Mustangs Fashion Show is in three weeks. Everyone must attend the next meeting so we can discuss the outfits for you and your husbands.”
I catch her eye again. She raises her chin, and her fat-injected lips form an actual smile.
“Oh, I’m sorry. In your case, Marlee, you and your boyfriend.”
See? What a bitch.
“Thanks for the clarification, Court, but I understood.”
― Intercepted
“Marlee, let me see your hand! Did Chris propose yet?” Amber asks.
I’m in year ten.
“Still naked.” I wiggle my fingers in front of her the same way I did last week and the week before that . . . and the week before that. #HeDidntPutARingOnIt
Sometimes, I like to hashtag my life. #CheaperThanTherapy
I sip my margarita. “When it happens, I promise to let you know.” Or, you know, keep asking every time you see me.
“Marlee.” Courtney sighs. She stands at the head of the table clutching a glitter-coated gavel. “We made exceptions for you to join the Lady Mustangs. Try to acknowledge that and save your little side conversation until we’ve finished.”
“Sorry, Court.” Every time I call her Court, she strains her Botoxed forehead and glares in my direction, so obviously, it’s the only thing I call her. Well, sometimes I call her bitch, but she doesn’t know about that.
“As I was saying, the annual Lady Mustangs Fashion Show is in three weeks. Everyone must attend the next meeting so we can discuss the outfits for you and your husbands.”
I catch her eye again. She raises her chin, and her fat-injected lips form an actual smile.
“Oh, I’m sorry. In your case, Marlee, you and your boyfriend.”
See? What a bitch.
“Thanks for the clarification, Court, but I understood.”
― Intercepted
“You’re everything I never thought I could have. And I’m never going to let you go.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“Every time I’m with you is an experience I won’t forget.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“I follow him up a familiar staircase, but this time, instead of turning to the right where I slept last time, I follow him to the left and into his room. He walks to his dresser and pulls out a T-shirt and boxers.
“Shit!” he says when he sees me. “I didn’t know you were there. Here are some things for you to sleep in and if you wait a second, I’ll grab some towels. Or if you want, I can bring them to your room.”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” I throw it out there. Quick, like ripping off a bandage. “I’ll understand if you say no, I just . . . never mind. Sorry. I’ll be in the other room.” I want to turn and run, but my entire body aches and instead of being the hare, I’m for sure the tortoise.
“Where are you going?” Gavin’s hand on my shoulder causes me to stop. “Of course you can sleep with me.”
Tortoise wins again, slow and steady.
“Are you sure? I’ve already invaded your house, now I’m taking over your bed. And my nose is stuffy from crying so I’ll probably snore.”
Stop while you’re ahead, Marlee.
#TMI”
― Intercepted
“Shit!” he says when he sees me. “I didn’t know you were there. Here are some things for you to sleep in and if you wait a second, I’ll grab some towels. Or if you want, I can bring them to your room.”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” I throw it out there. Quick, like ripping off a bandage. “I’ll understand if you say no, I just . . . never mind. Sorry. I’ll be in the other room.” I want to turn and run, but my entire body aches and instead of being the hare, I’m for sure the tortoise.
“Where are you going?” Gavin’s hand on my shoulder causes me to stop. “Of course you can sleep with me.”
Tortoise wins again, slow and steady.
“Are you sure? I’ve already invaded your house, now I’m taking over your bed. And my nose is stuffy from crying so I’ll probably snore.”
Stop while you’re ahead, Marlee.
#TMI”
― Intercepted
“This must be why hot people get away with so much. They say something stupid, hit you with a smile, all is forgotten.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“This has a definite end date, but I already know that nothing lasts forever – not the bad and definitely not the good. All I can do is indulge in the now and appreciate every beautiful second it lasts.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“Not everyone can live their biggest dreams. Not everyone can feel at ease.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“Naomi has a flare for the dramatic and why discuss things over the phone when you can call an emergency meeting?
And in Naomi’s terms . . . and mine . . . an emergency meeting can constitute a sleepover at my house, filled with all sorts of Girl Scout activities like working on our bedazzling, margarita, and gossip badges.”
― Intercepted
And in Naomi’s terms . . . and mine . . . an emergency meeting can constitute a sleepover at my house, filled with all sorts of Girl Scout activities like working on our bedazzling, margarita, and gossip badges.”
― Intercepted
“Remember, ‘You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.’ This is you changing the ending and you can do this.”
― Snapped
― Snapped
“In the words of the infamous Ice Cube, today was a good day. #GangstaRapInspiration
...
You know when people say don’t count your chickens before they hatch?
I hate the saying. I’m terrified of birds and their evil, beady eyes and razor-sharp beaks waiting to peck me to death. But that’s not the point. The point is someone should’ve repeated this to me before I skipped down the street, whistling rap songs.”
― Intercepted
...
You know when people say don’t count your chickens before they hatch?
I hate the saying. I’m terrified of birds and their evil, beady eyes and razor-sharp beaks waiting to peck me to death. But that’s not the point. The point is someone should’ve repeated this to me before I skipped down the street, whistling rap songs.”
― Intercepted
“This must be why they say love is like a drug. Knowing just how destructive it can be, but willing to risk everything for a momentary high when all you feel is good.”
― Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes
― Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes
“Chris is a dick. Everyone on the team knows—hell, everyone on other teams know. You didn’t want to waste your life away with a guy like him. When TK said he’d marry you? You laughed, but you were the only one because every other person at the table knew he was serious.”
― Intercepted
― Intercepted
“When I turn away from the stove and face him, he’s in the same spot, watching me with what I think is either curiosity, mistrust, or kindness.
Yes, I’m aware those are all different, but I’ve never been very good at reading people.”
― Intercepted
Yes, I’m aware those are all different, but I’ve never been very good at reading people.”
― Intercepted
“I wasn’t planning on eating with them. For one, carbs are my frenemy. Second, this is supposed to be a players’ bonding dinner and sitting at a table with six football players, listening to them discuss strategy and film, isn’t my idea of a good time. Especially when, out of the six, two are feuding quarterbacks, four are competing wide receivers, two have been in my panties, and only one remembers it. Math has never been my strong point and even I can figure out this word problem.
But hey, how could that possibly go wrong?”
― Intercepted
But hey, how could that possibly go wrong?”
― Intercepted
“Nobody is entitled to take up space in your life if they aren’t good for you. My mental well-being is more important than society’s expectations. Family, friends, nobody should be allowed in your life if they are toxic.”
― Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes
― Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes
“I want to figure out a way to hold on to him forever.”
― Better Than Fiction
― Better Than Fiction
“So are you riding with me?” he asks, like Courtney never happened.
“Dear god. I need wine.” I ignore his question. I clearly do not share his ability to ignore everything going on around us.
“Is that a yes?” he asks.
I nod, watching the smile cross his face before he reaches for my hand and guides me to the bar.
“White or red?” he asks me when the bartender approaches us.
“With alcohol.” Because after the way this night has played out, I have no right to be picky.
“Can she have a bottle of your most popular wine, please?” Gavin asks the bartender, who happily agrees. Both men are looking at me with huge grins on their faces, and the bartender is laughing! Apparently he was one of the unlucky few who didn’t see what just happened. If he had, he’d be looking much more sympathetic and handing me a bottle of Patron.
He’s walking away when I remember one very important detail and yell after him, “Make sure it’s a twist lid!”
“A twist lid bottle of wine? Really?” Gavin says beside me.
“Yes, really. Do you have a corkscrew in your truck?”
He’s full on laughing at me when Mr. Bartender comes back with a bottle in his hand, its metal lid gleaming under the lights.
“It’s not our most popular, but it’s the only one I could find that didn’t have a cork.”
“Do I seem like my standards are sky-high right now? This is perfect.”
― Intercepted
“Dear god. I need wine.” I ignore his question. I clearly do not share his ability to ignore everything going on around us.
“Is that a yes?” he asks.
I nod, watching the smile cross his face before he reaches for my hand and guides me to the bar.
“White or red?” he asks me when the bartender approaches us.
“With alcohol.” Because after the way this night has played out, I have no right to be picky.
“Can she have a bottle of your most popular wine, please?” Gavin asks the bartender, who happily agrees. Both men are looking at me with huge grins on their faces, and the bartender is laughing! Apparently he was one of the unlucky few who didn’t see what just happened. If he had, he’d be looking much more sympathetic and handing me a bottle of Patron.
He’s walking away when I remember one very important detail and yell after him, “Make sure it’s a twist lid!”
“A twist lid bottle of wine? Really?” Gavin says beside me.
“Yes, really. Do you have a corkscrew in your truck?”
He’s full on laughing at me when Mr. Bartender comes back with a bottle in his hand, its metal lid gleaming under the lights.
“It’s not our most popular, but it’s the only one I could find that didn’t have a cork.”
“Do I seem like my standards are sky-high right now? This is perfect.”
― Intercepted
“IN YOUR FUCKIN’ face, Pope!” I yell at his back as he walks to the kitchen to grab another pop. “Who doesn’t know that Italy is the second most used setting in Shakespeare? And you call yourself a competitor.”
What? I never claimed to be a gracious winner. #NaNanaNaNa #BamWHAT”
― Intercepted
What? I never claimed to be a gracious winner. #NaNanaNaNa #BamWHAT”
― Intercepted
“WHY THE FUCK do you like this icebox, Mars?” Donny mutters from beneath his down jacket, two scarves, and a hat he’s pulled so low, it might as well be a face mask.
“Donny. You live in New York. Geography wasn’t my strongest subject, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have the warmest of winters.”
“It’s different. The cold isn’t so cold.”
“You’re right. It’s worse because Manhattan is on the water, so it’s straight-to-your-bones cold. Colorado is a dry cold.”
“Oh my god.” Naomi cuts in between us. “Will you two stop it already? Cold is cold is cold.”
“Who pissed in your Cheerios?” Donny is nothing if not a man of beautiful, poignant words.”
― Intercepted
“Donny. You live in New York. Geography wasn’t my strongest subject, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have the warmest of winters.”
“It’s different. The cold isn’t so cold.”
“You’re right. It’s worse because Manhattan is on the water, so it’s straight-to-your-bones cold. Colorado is a dry cold.”
“Oh my god.” Naomi cuts in between us. “Will you two stop it already? Cold is cold is cold.”
“Who pissed in your Cheerios?” Donny is nothing if not a man of beautiful, poignant words.”
― Intercepted
“You’re really nice,” I slur. We’re waiting for the valet to bring Gavin’s truck around, and it feels like the fresh Colorado air has increased my alcohol level from drunk to trashed . . . and I still haven’t cracked open my wine.
“You’re pretty nice too.” He’s watching me closely, and I’m trying to watch him closely. His eyes are crinkled with amusement; mine are struggling to focus.
“I really wish you were an investment banker.”
Oh no. The loose lips part of the night has arrived.
“Besides my mom, you’re probably the only person in the world who does.”
“Because everyone else would miss their superstar quarterback in his super-hot pants throwing the ball every Sunday?” Sober me hates drunk me so hard right now.
“Because I’m terrible with numbers. I had three different tutors trying to get me to pass my math courses in college. And I’m not sure most of the fans focus on my pants, but I’m glad you do.” His body is shaking with laughter as he nudges me with his shoulder.”
― Intercepted
“You’re pretty nice too.” He’s watching me closely, and I’m trying to watch him closely. His eyes are crinkled with amusement; mine are struggling to focus.
“I really wish you were an investment banker.”
Oh no. The loose lips part of the night has arrived.
“Besides my mom, you’re probably the only person in the world who does.”
“Because everyone else would miss their superstar quarterback in his super-hot pants throwing the ball every Sunday?” Sober me hates drunk me so hard right now.
“Because I’m terrible with numbers. I had three different tutors trying to get me to pass my math courses in college. And I’m not sure most of the fans focus on my pants, but I’m glad you do.” His body is shaking with laughter as he nudges me with his shoulder.”
― Intercepted
“Where’s Mom?”
“She went to the store to get some of that healthy crap you like to eat.” His lip curls up in disgust.
“It’s not like I’m juicing kale all day, but margarine isn’t real food.”
“You say tomato, I say ketchup.”
― Intercepted
“She went to the store to get some of that healthy crap you like to eat.” His lip curls up in disgust.
“It’s not like I’m juicing kale all day, but margarine isn’t real food.”
“You say tomato, I say ketchup.”
― Intercepted
“The problem with being an adult is absolutely everything. Bills. Work. The bone-crushing disappointment that comes from knowing the guy you want isn’t right for you. A slowed metabolism.”
― Intercepted
― Intercepted
