Ask the Author: Eric FitzMedrud
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Eric FitzMedrud
I heard this attributed to Stephen King but I don't know if it is true. The story is that someone asked him how to cure writer's block and he replied, "Butt glue." My answer isn't far off.
I was trained in a creative writing program in high school using "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg. We did daily "free writes." Sit and write for a predesignated amount of time. This trained me in the habit. Sit. Write.
Sometimes, we'd write nonsense. Sometimes we'd write beautiful purple passages that got cut from final works. The point wasn't to focus on the outcome but just to keep writing. If you write the same word, or just expletives or nonsense dialogue to yourself, at least you are writing.
I was trained in a creative writing program in high school using "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg. We did daily "free writes." Sit and write for a predesignated amount of time. This trained me in the habit. Sit. Write.
Sometimes, we'd write nonsense. Sometimes we'd write beautiful purple passages that got cut from final works. The point wasn't to focus on the outcome but just to keep writing. If you write the same word, or just expletives or nonsense dialogue to yourself, at least you are writing.
Eric FitzMedrud
As a therapist, my impact is powerful but small. I get to help one person or one couple at a time to make powerful and significant changes in their lives. It is deeply rewarding to help men in particular to become more skillful at loving and being loved. But a therapy practice doesn't scale. That's the carrot to write for me, to scale up what impact I can have.
When I see men being drawn to manosphere influencers, it is painful. I know these people are speaking to men's pain but also enflaming men's anger and deepening the divisions in our society. They reinforce men blaming others for their problems instead of empowering men to deepen their relationships with practical psychological tools. That's my stick. If I don't write a feminist and diversity-inclusive alternative to that crap, then I'm complicit in the devolution of our society.
When I see men being drawn to manosphere influencers, it is painful. I know these people are speaking to men's pain but also enflaming men's anger and deepening the divisions in our society. They reinforce men blaming others for their problems instead of empowering men to deepen their relationships with practical psychological tools. That's my stick. If I don't write a feminist and diversity-inclusive alternative to that crap, then I'm complicit in the devolution of our society.
Eric FitzMedrud
As the #MeToo hashtag and accountability movement was happening in late 2017, I realized that I was working with men around less predatory consent issues in my practice all the time. Whether dating or in long-term relationships, I was bringing my male clients through sequential stages of relational-emotional development to support their capacity to engage in robust consent processes, improve their sexual pleasure skills, save their relationships, and live more fully engaged lives. I started writing a blog post about this which became a two, then four, then eight-part series. Then I realized I was writing a book.
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