The Covert Narcissist Quotes

“they will not come to your defense. Under the mask that they want to help you learn important life-lessons and give constructive criticism, is a strategy to make you feel undervalued, incompetent or immature, while they appear wise and mature, no matter the actual age difference. No matter how good you are at something, and no matter how hard you are trying, in their eyes, you can always do better. They will criticize you with special gusto if they notice you're trying really hard and exhausting yourself, under the pretense that they want to push you forward. This is a frequent trait of covert parents, who will act disappointed and withhold affection from their kids if they fail to satisfy the impossible criterion of perfection. Once you do succeed or get an amazing idea, they will make sure to let you know what their contribution to your success was, or even steal your idea. Taking credit for what someone else did is also not unexplored territory for them.”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

“The wise critique Unlike the overt narcissist who would openly put you down and discard your efforts, with coverts, things get a bit more complicated and a lot more undercover. Their aim is to lower your self-confidence by taking the role of a wise teacher who only wishes the best for you. They are the one who knows everything, and you are an infant who is unable to deal with the world around you.  When they are around, you simply won't feel supported or protected, and you won’t be able to pinpoint exactly why. When someone else criticizes you,”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

“or suppress their needs, all of which sadly breed more narcissistic abuse in the future.  What many grow up to realize is that it was their parents - people who are supposed to be the ultimate caregivers, people everyone depends on in childhood and doesn’t get to choose - who turn out to be the most toxic people in their lives.”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

“child fails to fulfill a covert parent’s expectations, they get shamed, punished, or compared to other, "better" children. It is not uncommon for them to have trouble letting their children grow up, especially if the child supplied them with constant admiration throughout childhood. A narcissistic parent will sabotage all their attempts to become independent and lead a life on their own. It is as if kids must make decisions under parole, hearing words like: You are not ready for such a huge change. How could you survive on your own? You don’t even know how to iron a shirt. You don’t have to work, I will pay for your hobbies. These kids grow up to be unsure of themselves, feel infantile, and incapable of making wise choices or any choices at all. In such parenthood, there is no space for following one’s passion, but there is immense pressure to fulfill unreasonable expectations. As a result, children don’t feel heard, and become conflict-avoidant, anxious, rebellious,”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

“narcissists,”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

“the family circle, for example, just like in many other settings, covert narcissists are restricted in their behavior, so it is unlikely that anyone who is not part of the family will ever notice the narcissistic patterns. These parents are usually very socially acceptable, likable, display themselves and are perceived as perfect parents and members of society. However, behind closed doors they expect perfection from their kids, wanting them to cater to their own needs and to fit into the idea of an ideal child, shaming individuality and authenticity. It is not uncommon for a narcissistic parent to project their unfulfilled ambitions, expectations, and desires of social success onto their children, putting a lot of pressure on the kids to achieve success, usually at the expense of a child’s happiness.”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

“It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that losing friends and severing ties with family members was unavoidable as I didn’t have the energy to maintain healthy relationships as I gave it all away to the one that was dysfunctional.”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships

“Survivors have trouble communicating and may experience social anxiety and agoraphobia, the fear of open space and crowded places. The feeling of isolation stemming from the days of a relationship persists and people who dealt with a narcissist feel too vulnerable to expose themselves to the outer world, which is often followed by a state of paranoia and beliefs that people are evil and want to cause us harm. It is like a constant state of fight or flight.”
― Theresa J. Covert, The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships