Codependent No More Quotes

“Perhaps the most painful loss many codependents face is the loss of our dreams, the hopeful and sometimes idealistic expectations for the future that most people have. This loss can be the most difficult to accept.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The people who say the most profound, intelligent, or witty things are the same as us. They’re letting go, being who they are. The people who appear the most confident and relaxed are no different from us. They’ve pushed themselves through fearful situations and told themselves they could make it. The people who are successful are the same as us. They’ve gone ahead and developed their gifts and talents and have set goals for themselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We are engaged in a form of punishment designed to keep us feeling anxious, upset, and stifled. We’re trapping ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“At times, we may punish ourselves openly before the whole world by saying demeaning things about ourselves. Sometimes, we may allow people to hurt us, but our worst beatings go on privately, inside our minds.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“You can get through dark situations too. You can take care of yourself and trust yourself. Go as far as you can see, and by the time you get there, you’ll be able to see farther. It’s called taking things one day at a time.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“You can get through dark situations too. You can take care of yourself and trust yourself. Go as far as you can see, and by the time you get there, you’ll be able to see farther.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Real power comes from feeling our feelings, not from ignoring them. Real strength comes from acknowledging our weaknesses, not from pretending to be strong all the time.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Real power comes from feeling our feelings, not from ignoring them.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Stop focusing on other people. Settle down with and in yourself. Stop seeking so much approval and validation from others. We don’t need the approval of everyone and anyone. We only need our approval. We have all the same sources for happiness and making choices inside us that others do. Make a home for yourself within yourself. Find and develop your own internal supply of peace, well-being, and self-esteem.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I also began to realize that while I looked like I had it all together on the surface, I felt deeply unlovable. Somewhere, hidden inside me, I had maintained a fantasy that I had a loving father who was staying away from me—who was rejecting me—because I wasn’t good enough. Now I knew the truth. It wasn’t me that was unlovable. It wasn’t me that was screwed up, although I knew I had problems. It was him.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We’re so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves. —anonymous”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The longer this lifetime goes, the more convinced I am that our primary responsibility in life is to find a way to make peace with ourselves, our past, and our present—no matter what we face and no matter how often we need to do that. It’s also our job to mindfully practice self-love. Every day. For all our lives. It’s not a narcissistic or obnoxiously selfish attitude toward life and our relationships. Self-love is a humbler, quieter thing. You’ll get used to it. I like it; you may too.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“You are not responsible for making other people “see the light,” and you do not need to “set them straight.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I saw people who constantly gave to others but didn’t know how to receive. I saw people give until they were angry, exhausted, and emptied of everything. I saw some give until they gave up. I even saw one woman give and suffer so much that she died of “old age” and natural causes at age thirty-three.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“codependency is “an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules—rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.”2”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“It's just me. Something's wrong with me. (pg16)”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We can lovingly and compassionately tell the truth about our experiences—without demeaning others or ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“there is just so much worry and responsibility in the air. If we take it all on ourselves, there is none left for the people around us. It overworks us and underworks them. Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn’t help. It doesn’t solve problems, it doesn’t help other people, and it doesn’t help us. It is wasted energy.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Is codependency an illness? Some professionals say it isn’t a disease; it’s a normal reaction to abnormal people.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Honoring the Self, an excellent book on self-esteem written by Nathaniel Branden. Read closely:”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“There’s a saying often attributed to philosopher William James: “If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a fact, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.”1”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Most codependents were obsessed with other people. With great precision and detail, they could recite long lists of the other person’s deeds and misdeeds: what they thought, felt, did, and said; and what they didn’t think, feel, do, and say.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I saw people who constantly gave to others but didn’t know how to receive. I saw people give until they were angry, exhausted, and emptied of everything. I saw some give until they gave up.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I saw people who had gotten so absorbed in other people’s problems they didn’t have time to identify or solve their own. These were people who had cared so deeply, and often destructively, about other people that they had forgotten how to care about themselves. The codependents felt responsible for so much because the people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Giving to and doing things for and with people are essential parts of healthy living and healthy relationships. But learning when not to give, when not to give in, and when not to do things for and with people are also essential parts of healthy living and healthy relationships”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“For each of us, there comes a time to let go. You will know when that time has come. When you have done all you can do, it’s time to detach. Deal with your feelings. Face your fears about losing control. Gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to be who they are. In so doing, you will set yourself free.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We cannot begin to work on ourselves, to live our own lives, feel our own feelings, and solve our own problems, until we have detached from the object of our obsession.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“How do you stay married and not get divorced?” “Just . . . Do. Not. Ever. Get. Divorced,” she said. “No matter what.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The codependents felt responsible for so much because the people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“saw people who had gotten so absorbed in other people’s problems they didn’t have time to identify or solve their own. These were people who had cared so deeply, and often destructively, about other people that they had forgotten how to care about themselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself