Codependent No More Quotes

“It's just me. Something's wrong with me. (pg16)”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We can lovingly and compassionately tell the truth about our experiences—without demeaning others or ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“there is just so much worry and responsibility in the air. If we take it all on ourselves, there is none left for the people around us. It overworks us and underworks them. Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn’t help. It doesn’t solve problems, it doesn’t help other people, and it doesn’t help us. It is wasted energy.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Is codependency an illness? Some professionals say it isn’t a disease; it’s a normal reaction to abnormal people.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Honoring the Self, an excellent book on self-esteem written by Nathaniel Branden. Read closely:”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“There’s a saying often attributed to philosopher William James: “If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a fact, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.”1”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Most codependents were obsessed with other people. With great precision and detail, they could recite long lists of the other person’s deeds and misdeeds: what they thought, felt, did, and said; and what they didn’t think, feel, do, and say.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I saw people who constantly gave to others but didn’t know how to receive. I saw people give until they were angry, exhausted, and emptied of everything. I saw some give until they gave up.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I saw people who had gotten so absorbed in other people’s problems they didn’t have time to identify or solve their own. These were people who had cared so deeply, and often destructively, about other people that they had forgotten how to care about themselves. The codependents felt responsible for so much because the people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Giving to and doing things for and with people are essential parts of healthy living and healthy relationships. But learning when not to give, when not to give in, and when not to do things for and with people are also essential parts of healthy living and healthy relationships”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“For each of us, there comes a time to let go. You will know when that time has come. When you have done all you can do, it’s time to detach. Deal with your feelings. Face your fears about losing control. Gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to be who they are. In so doing, you will set yourself free.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We cannot begin to work on ourselves, to live our own lives, feel our own feelings, and solve our own problems, until we have detached from the object of our obsession.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“How do you stay married and not get divorced?” “Just . . . Do. Not. Ever. Get. Divorced,” she said. “No matter what.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The codependents felt responsible for so much because the people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“saw people who had gotten so absorbed in other people’s problems they didn’t have time to identify or solve their own. These were people who had cared so deeply, and often destructively, about other people that they had forgotten how to care about themselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Yet these codependents who had such great insight into others couldn’t see themselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“It doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter. We cannot change people. Any attempts to control them are a delusion as well as an illusion. People will either resist our efforts or redouble their efforts to prove we can’t control them. They may”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We can feel our feelings, talk about our fears, accept ourselves and our present conditions, and then get started on the journey toward undependence. We can do it. We don't have to feel strong all the time to be undependent and taking care of ourselves. We can and probably will have feelings of fear, weakness, and even hopelessness. That is normal and even healthy. Real power comes from feeling our feelings, not from ignoring them. Real strength comes, not from pretending to be strong all the time, but from acknowledging our weaknesses and vulnerabilities when we feel this way.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The longer this lifetime goes, the more convinced I am that our primary responsibility in life is to find a way to make peace with ourselves, our past, and our present—no matter what we face and no matter how often we need to do that. It’s also our job to mindfully practice self-love. Every day. For all our lives.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“It is natural to want to protect and help the people we care about. It is also natural to be affected by and react to the problems of people around us. As a problem becomes more serious and remains unresolved, we become more affected and react more intensely to it.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“People ultimately do what they want to do. They feel how they want to feel (or how they are feeling); they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they’re ready to change. It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong and we’re right. It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves. It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to and cooperate with us.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“What are you feeling? What do you think? What do you need to do to take care of yourself ?”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“But I also believe that our giving should come from a place of high self-esteem. I believe acts of kindness are not kind unless we feel good about ourselves, what we are doing, and the person we are doing it for.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Caring about people and giving are good, desirable qualities—something we need to do—but many codependents have misinterpreted the suggestions to “give until it hurts.” We continue giving long after it hurts, usually until we are doubled over in pain. It’s good to give, but we don’t have to give it all away. It’s okay to keep some for ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We rescue because we don’t feel good about ourselves. Although the feelings are transient and artificial, caretaking provides us with a temporary hit of good feelings, self-worth, and power.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“People resent being told or shown they are incompetent, no matter how loudly they plead incompetency.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“you didn’t cause it; you can’t control it; and you can’t cure it.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“When we attempt to control people and things that we have no business controlling, we are controlled. We forfeit our power to think, feel, and act in accordance with our best interests. We frequently lose control of ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“HOW”: honesty, openness, and willingness to try.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We become free to care and to love in ways that help others and don’t hurt ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself