What He Always Knew Quotes

“Prepare for the worst, fight for the best. That was my motto.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“Being a parent was so much more than baby books and birthing classes. It was late night groans over who would get up to change diapers. It was fits of laughter over each face she made, and fits of anger over each toy stepped on in the dark. It was pictures that didn’t do real life justice, memories captured with eyes and cameras both. It was worry over if we were feeding her the right things and loving her the right way. It was tears of agony when she was sick, when all we wanted to do was take the pain for her, and it was tears of joy over her first word spoken.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“He kissed me like the horizon kisses the sun as it sets — tenderly, with the blinding promise that another day would come. With that kiss, we sealed our choice. With that kiss, we shut the door on the past. And with that kiss, with my hands over his, and his over our child, we began a new chapter in our story — together. And I knew this one would be brighter than the last.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I want you, Charlie. I choose you today just the same as I chose you on our wedding day eight years ago. You are mine,” he said. “And so is this child — regardless of its DNA.” There he was. It was Cameron — my Cameron — who knelt before me with his hands on my stomach, welcoming the child within it as his own, whether it was or not. It was my husband, taking me for who I was — flaws and all. It was the man I chose, the man I would choose time and time again, in any lifetime, in any situation, reminding me before I even had the chance to forget why I really had no choice at all.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I choose you,” I repeated. “Just like I did the night we made our vows, just like I should have done when we faced our first challenge. The truth is, you make me forget I even have a choice at all. Like the writer who cannot live without the reader, and the rose that cannot exist without the rain, I am bound to you, to your love, and I cannot go on without it.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I hated them both. But I loved them both, too. And for that, I hated myself.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“All I’m asking is that you try, that you let me in again. Just… give me this time with your heart before you decide to give it all to him.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“Left or right. It was as simple as that, except it wasn’t simple at all.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I need you to hold onto that, to those memories, just like I do. Remember how it feels when we get alone, when we have our time.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“What do you love about your wife, and what do you think she loves about you?”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“Just… give me this time with your heart before you decide to give it all to him.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I wouldn’t have changed a moment of that path, of our story — not the beautiful days nor the dark. Because I knew in my heart that without them, this moment wouldn’t have been the same. On the northeast side of Mount Lebanon, Pennsylvania, there was a house. And now, finally, a home.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“It felt like an addict letting go of an addiction of sorts as Charlie pulled away, and I found myself already thinking of making amends. I owed a lot of people a lot of things after the way I’d been behaving — Blake an apology, Cameron one, too. I owed Charlie the respect and space to love her only from a distance, to never cross that line she’d redrawn between us. I owed it to my family to truly live again, to let them go, to somehow find a way to release the guilt I felt over their death. And more than anything, I owed it to myself to build a new home — one that started with me — instead of trying to find it in someone else.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“It’s you,” I said. “It always has been, it always will be, and from this moment on, I will choose you. Every day, every minute, every second of my life.” My voice broke as I cried, but I didn’t fight against the emotion. “If you will let me, if you will choose me, too — then I am yours forever, and I will love you the same.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“Love had shown me a new side, one more painful than I could have ever imagined, and yet the promise of a beautiful, happy life lay just on the other side of the flames. All that was left to do now was jump.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I was at the fork I knew I’d eventually get to all along, the decision I never wanted to make between two choices I never knew I had before two months ago. The truth was simple. I loved them both. My heart was forever severed, destined to exist in two equal halves — one with each man. One half of me would forever be with Cameron, with the man I’d vowed to let hold me as his own until our last breaths. One half of my heart belonged to his quiet, loving heart, to the home we’d built together, to the promises we’d made in our youth — the ones we’d solidified as we grew together. The other half would always be with Reese, with the man who was never supposed to come back, the one who shook up my entire life when he did. One half of my heart belonged to his loud, passionate love, to the music we’d made, to the sins we’d committed knowing in our hearts they were right even when they felt wrong. Yes, my heart was severed, and I accepted that as my new truth. But one half beat stronger. One half had the vein that ran deepest, the love that spoke loudest, and one half held my choice in silence well before I ever admitted it out loud. The other half would always be a part of me, but in a softer way — a more subdued beating, a quieter presence, a different kind of life support. A different kind of love.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“As my own mother once told me, we all fall from time to time. We are all sinners. We all make mistakes. But today, I would right my wrongs, and I would make my choice, and I would accept the consequences as they came.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I had flaws, just like any other woman, and mine had been displayed on the highest shelf over the past few months. I had let my natural state of selflessness and care be overshadowed by the selfish wants and needs I’d always ignored. I’d let the monster inside me break free, let her roam wild, taking what she wanted with little care to how it affected those around her. But I was a good woman, a good wife, a good teacher and daughter and, soon, I would be a good mother, too.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I threw my hands up, swallowing my pride along with the need to be with her in that moment. “Whatever you need, Charlie,” I promised her. “I will give it to you. Tonight, tomorrow, for the rest of our lives, should I get the chance.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“Every cell in my body ached with the need to hold her. I debated kidnapping her then, throwing her over my shoulder and stealing her away like a caveman claiming his property. But Charlie wasn’t mine. And I knew more than anything in that moment that I’d be lucky if I ever got to say she was.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“For that one night, I would hold her, and listen to her heart beats, and feel her skin against mine. For that one night, I would cherish my wife as if I wouldn’t get to keep her. And before I fell asleep, I’d pray that I actually would.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“Cameron The night that fell after Charlie cut her hand, I dreamed about my father. He was standing over my mom’s lifeless body, a snarl in his lip as he shook his head at me. “I told you you were worthless,” he sneered. “She will move on. She will be fine without you — happier, even. She doesn’t want you. Just like we didn’t.” That same scene, those same words, played on repeat. Over and over he said them, and over and over I tried to shake myself from the nightmare. I couldn’t wake up, though I knew I was dreaming. I was aware of my body, of where I laid in the bed next to Charlie, of where her body touched mine. But I couldn’t wake up. Not until hours into the night, when the nightmare faded with the sound of our heat kicking on, and I bolted upright in bed. Sweat poured off every inch of me, and my breaths were erratic, like I’d just sprinted up and down our stairs for hours. I glanced at Charlie, but she was unfazed, a soft smile on her face as she slept peacefully. And though I saw her, I saw him, too. I heard him. I heard the words I always knew to be true. The next day, I cancelled the rest of my week’s sessions with Patrick. I had nothing else left to say.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“A druggie mother, an abusive, asshole dad. They didn’t want a kid, and yet they got me.” He was shaking, and I smoothed my hands down his lower back where I held him, lips pressed against his chest. “And here we are, two people who love each other more than anything in the world, and we couldn’t have our boys.” He swallowed. “That’s what I played on repeat, over and over, until my thoughts were scrambled and knotted. All I could think was how we wanted those boys and we couldn’t have them. But we deserved them, Charlie. Damn it, you deserved them.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I was angry because it wasn’t fair. I was angry because of the injustice of my life, of being an unwanted child who, in turn, couldn’t have the children he wanted more than anything.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I wanted to share all of my scars with her, and I wanted to heal all of hers in return.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“The way she fit there in my arms, the way her mouth moved with mine, it was like the sweetest, most familiar dance. We both knew the music well, and it sang straight to our hearts, bringing us back together, if for only that small moment.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I still loved him. I knew that last night. I knew it all weekend, even when I was with Reese, even when I knew I would leave Cameron I also knew I still loved him. I wasn’t sure that would ever change, no matter what happened next. He was the father of my children, the stealer of my heart, the comforter of my soul. He was my family. He was my home. I just didn’t know if that was enough.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“I opened my eyes and took him in. My husband. The man I’d promised forever to. The promise I wasn’t sure I could keep anymore.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“The other half would always be a part of me, but in a softer way — a more subdued beating, a quieter presence, a different kind of life support. A different kind of love.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew

“The truth was simple. I loved them both. My heart was forever severed, destined to exist in two equal halves — one with each man. But one half beat stronger, one half had the vein that ran deepest, and one half held my choice in silence well before I ever admitted it out loud.”
― Kandi Steiner, What He Always Knew