Should I Stay or Should I Go? Quotes

“While the feelings and symptoms of depression and anxiety experienced may be due to the helplessness engendered by the relationship, these feelings can also be generated by the ongoing lack of emotional reciprocity and mirroring in the relationship. Depression is a complex disorder, but the hallmark symptoms of depression—sad mood, lack of pleasure in activities that are typically pleasurable, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, social withdrawal, poor concentration, changes in sleep and appetite.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“These e-mails from helplessness patients, I recognize that they are an emblem of their frustration and rarely achieve their goal. More often than not, the narcissistic partner will respond with only a short response of a few words, not respond at all, or respond to the most damning parts, and the thoughtful request or plea may simply turn into one more opportunity to experience their rage. There is no back door when someone does not or will not hear you—the e-mail may be cathartic for you, but expect no miracles. Your better bet is to write it and send it to a trusted friend. Or cast it off to sea, or burn it—just do not send it to your narcissistic partner.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“You edit and modify your own books when you bring someone into your heart or life.It’s a gradual process of learning, compromise, and growth. How do you respond to love? To stress? To fear? To hope? What are your needs and wants? What are your vulnerabilities and what are your strengths? What do you expect from your partner? From a relationship? From life? What is your partner’s book? What patterns has he already shown that have given you a clear look into the Book of Him (or Her)? See your partner as a “whole” person. That does not mean, however, that you have to be his social worker or savior. You are not responsible for his histories, and you cannot rewrite them.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“You already put so much money into this machine (emotional energy), it has to pay out. You aren’t going to walk away, because what if the next person comes around and pulls the handle and hits the jackpot (the next woman he dates get the engagement ring)? A slot machine that pays out consistently every time you put money into it might get dull, perhaps like a kind, empathic person who is always there for you. It may not be about big jackpots after all, but rather about loving mutual regard, which is in fact the greatest jackpot of all.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“We most acutely experience this phenomenon of emotional coldness when we are going through something difficult ourselves, and the other person offers nothing.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“A self-confident person is often a good problem solver and stress manager, self-reflective and able to clearly observe, articulate, and take ownership of his faults and vulnerabilities. Because self-confident people have a wellformed sense of identity and values, they do not feel the need to disrespect other people, because they know who they are and do not feel threatened by other people or their views.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist