Reclaiming Conversation Quotes

“And in our families, we can create sacred spaces—the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, the car—that are device-free.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Meetings are performances of what meetings used to be”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“are”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Solitude does not necessarily mean being alone. It is a state of conscious retreat, a gathering of the self. The capacity for solitude makes relationships with others more authentic. Because you know who you are, you can see others for who they are, not for who you need them to be. So solitude enables richer conversation.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“I’ve talked so much about virtuous circles; here is a vicious cycle. Knowing we have someplace “else” to go in a moment of boredom leaves us less experienced at exploring our inner lives and therefore more likely to want the stimulation of what is on our phones.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Ever since ninth grade, when his preparations to go to an Ivy League college began in earnest, he and his parents have worked on his getting everything “right.” If he wasn’t getting enough playing time on a team, his father went in to see the coach. When his College Board scores weren’t high enough, he had personal tutors. He had no interest in science, but his high school guidance counselor decided that a summer program in neurobiology was what he needed to round out his college application. Now he is three years through that Ivy education and hoping for law school. He is still trying to get things right. “When you talk in person,” he says, “you are likely to make a slip.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“So, instead of doing your email as you push your daughter in her stroller, talk to her. Instead of putting a digital tablet in your son’s baby bouncer, read to him and chat about the book. Instead of a quick text if you find a conversation going stale, make an effort to engage your peers.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Much of this seems like common sense. And it is. But I have said that something else is in play: Technology enchants. It makes us forget what we know about life. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us less lonely. But we are at risk because it is actually the reverse: If we are unable to be alone, we will be more lonely. And if we don’t teach our children to be alone, they will only know how to be lonely. Yet these days, so many people—adults and children—become anxious without a constant feed of online stimulation. In a quiet moment, they take out their phones, check their messages, send a text. They cannot tolerate time that some people I interviewed derisively termed “boring” or “a lull.” But it is often when we hesitate, or stutter, or fall silent, that we reveal ourselves most to each other. And to ourselves.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Remember the power of your phone. It’s not an accessory. It’s a psychologically potent device that changes not just what you do but who you are. Don’t automatically walk into every situation with a device in hand: When going to our phones is an option, we find it hard to turn back to each other, even when efficiency or politeness would suggest we do just that. The mere presence of a phone signals that your attention is divided, even if you don’t intend it to be. It will limit the conversation in many ways: how you’ll listen, what will be discussed, the degree of connection you’ll feel. Rich conversations have difficulty competing with even a silent phone. To clear a path for conversation, set aside laptops and tablets. Put away your phone.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Again, technology makes us forget what we know about life. We become enchanted by technology’s promises because we have so many problems we would like technology to solve.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“But at the same time, there is pressure to use technology in classroom in ways that make conversation nearly impossible. Interestingly, this technology is often presented as supporting student "engagement.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“What phones do to in-person conversation is a problem. Studies show that the mere presence of a phone on the table (even a phone turned off) changes what people talk about. If we think we might be interrupted, we keep conversations light, on topics of little controversy or consequence. And conversations with phones on the landscape block empathic connection. If two people are speaking and there is a phone on a nearby desk, each feels less connected to the other than when there is no phone present. Even a silent phone disconnects us.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Most relationships are a blend of online and off-line interaction. Courtships take place via text. Political debates are sparked and social movements mobilize on websites. Why not focus on the positive—a celebration of these new exchanges? Because these are the stories we tell each other to explain why our technologies are proof of progress. We like to hear these positive stories because they do not discourage us in our pursuit of the new—our new comforts, our new distractions, our new forms of commerce. And we like to hear them because if these are the only stories that matter, then we don’t have to attend to other feelings that persist—that we are somehow more lonely than before, that our children are less empathic than they should be for their age, and that it seems nearly impossible to have an uninterrupted conversation at a family dinner. We”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“being silenced by our technologies—in a way, “cured of talking.” These silences—often in the presence of our children—have led to a crisis of empathy that has diminished us at home, at work, and in public life. I’ve said that the remedy, most simply, is a talking cure. This book is my case for conversation.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Despite the seriousness of our moment, I write with optimism. Once aware, we can begin to rethink our practices. When we do, conversation is there to reclaim. For the failing connections of our digital world, it is the talking cure.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“There is another way to think about conversation, one that is less about information and more about creating a space to be explored. You are interested in hearing about how another person approaches things—her or her opinions and associations. In this kind of conversation—I think of it as 'whole person conversation'—if things go quiet for a while you look deeper, you don't look away or text a friend. You try to read your friends in a different way. Perhaps you look into their faces or attend to their body language. Or you allow for silence. Perhaps when we talk about 'conversations' being boring, such a frequent complaint, we are saying how uncomfortable we are with stillness.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“Ray, twenty-eight, comments on what it’s like to have a relationship when you compete with screens: “I think the way we’re going, a lot of people are getting the feeling that even though the person they’re with is there, you don’t get the feeling of real connection. You just have information.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

“For one woman, a college sophomore, “It’s very special when someone turns away from a text to turn to a person.” For a senior man, “If someone gets a text and apologizes and silences it [their phone], that sends a signal that they are there, they are listening to you.”
― Sherry Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age