Scary Close Quotes

“THE STUFF IT TAKES TO BE INTIMATE IS AUTHENTICITY, vulnerability, and a belief that other people are about as good and bad as we are.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“Perhaps that’s another reason true intimacy is so frightening. It’s the one thing we all want, and must give up control to get.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“The strongest character in a story isn’t the hero, it’s the guide.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“I have a pastor friend who says the root of sin is the desire for control. I think there's some truth to that. And I'd add the root of control is fear.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

“The risk of being known is also the decision to be criticized by some.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“It's funny what happens to you when part of your heart gets born inside somebody else.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

“I think a lot of the shame-based religious and political methodology has more to do with keeping people contained than with setting them free. And I’m no fan of it.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“We don’t think much about how our love stories will affect the world, but they do. Children learn what’s worth living for and what’s worth dying for by the stories they watch us live. I want to teach our children how to get scary close, and more, how to be brave. I want to teach them that love is worth what it costs.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“Then, Paul remembered a Bible verse from 1 John. He said that John, in summarizing all that he’d learned about God, said this: “God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all.” “When you are with God,” Paul said, “there is no darkness, ho hiding, no pretending. When you are with God, you have the freedom and courage to be yourself.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“Relationships are teleological. They’re all going somewhere and they’re turning us into something, hopefully something better, something new.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“The reality is this, though: a healthy person coupled with an unhealthy person will still result in an unhealthy relationship.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“In my opinion the misappropriation of the longing for God has caused a lot of people a great deal of pain. In fact, I wondered if some of my early mistakes in relationships weren’t partly because I sought to find resolution for the longing through a woman, a burden no romantic partner should have to bear. How many relationships have been ruined by two people attempting to squeeze the Jesus out of each other?”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“I’M NOTICING A COMMON CHARACTERISTIC OF healthy families, though. The characteristic is this: kids with parents who are honest about their shortcomings seem to do better in life. What I mean is parents who aren’t trying to be perfect or pretend they’re perfect have kids who trust and respect them more. It’s as though vulnerability and openness act as the soil that fosters security. And I’d say that’s the quality I most often sense in the children of honest, open parents. I sense security.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“How can we be loved if we are always in hiding?”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“I want to be with people who are humble and hungry, have healthy relationships, and are working to create new and better realities in the world.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

“Relationships matter. They matter as much as exercise and nutrition. And not all relationships help us reach our goals. God doesn’t give us crying, pooping children because he wants to advance our careers. He gives them to us for the same reason he confused language at the Tower of Babel, to create chaos and deter us from investing too much energy in the gluttonous idols of self-absorption.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“The harshest people I’ve met over the years have had two things in common: they don’t fully trust anybody, and they view relationships as a means to an end.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“We both have our independence and freedom, but we have those things with each other. It’s a paradox, but it works. It all reminded me of what my friend Henry Cloud told me, that when two people are entirely and completely separate they are finally compatible to be one. Nobody’s self-worth lives inside of another person. Intimacy means we are independently together.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“But it’s better when you have somebody to go home to and talk about it with, somebody who is more in love with you than impressed by you.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“I tend to connect most easily with two kinds of people, those who are creating something and those who are easily vulnerable. Both trees grow from the same root, I think, and that’s the willingness to take risks.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“I’d learned my default mode was to perform. Even in small groups I feel like I have to be “on.” But when I’m alone my energy comes back. When I’m alone I don’t have to perform for anybody.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“It makes me wonder how many people have damaged their own lives by mistaking enablement for grace?”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“To remind myself to never go back to being careful, I made a list of new freedoms. It looked like this:

I am willing to sound dumb
I am willing to be wrong
I am willing to be passionate about something that isn't perceived as cool
I am willing to express a theory
I am willing to admit I'm afraid
I am willing to contradict something I've said before
I'm willing to have a knee-jerk reaction, even a wrong one
I am willing to apologize
I'm perfectly willing to be perfectly human.

The whole experience makes me wonder if the time we spend trying to become somebody people will love isn't wasted because the most powerful, most attractive person we can be, is who we already are; an ever-changing being that is becoming, and will never arrive, but has opinions about what is seen along the journey.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

“I remember a story about Jesus meeting a rich man and really liking him. Jesus invited the man to go with him, to sell all his stuff and follow him. The rich man really wanted to go but didn't want to sell his stuff. Jesus looked at the man and loved him. Jesus didn't berate the man or chastise him but actually stood there and felt love for him. But in the end they went their separate ways. I used to think that story was about the dangers of wealth, and to some degree I suppose it is. But I also think it's a story about boundaries. Jesus didn't give up his purpose and community and calling to swim in the rich man's pool or vacation with him in Spain. I think that story about Jesus and the rich man also means that while everybody is invited, not everybody is willing.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

“The most frightening thing he said to me was this: “Don, you’d be surprised at how easy it is to convince the American people that a perfectly good man is a demon.” I’ll add this to the mix too: I believe God is a fan of people connecting and I think the enemy of God is a fan of people breaking off into paranoid tribes. And I think all the clanging pots and pans in the kitchen to scare people from the territory we feel compelled to defend is playing into the hands of dark forces. I think a lot of the shame-based religious and political methodology has more to do with keeping people contained than with setting them free. And I’m no fan of it.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“But true intimacy is just like that: it’s the food you grow from well-tilled ground. And like most things good for us, it’s an acquired taste.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“His prescription to experience a deep sense of meaning, then, was remarkably pragmatic. He had three recommendations: 1. Have a project to work on, some reason to get out of bed in the morning and preferably something that serves other people. 2. Have a redemptive perspective on life’s challenges. That is, when something difficult happens, recognize the ways that difficulty also serves you. 3. Share your life with a person or people who love you unconditionally. Frankl called this treatment logotherapy, or a therapy of meaning. And surprisingly, it worked. He was put in charge of the mental-health division of the Viennese hospital system because they had lost far too many patients to suicide. When Frankl came aboard, he had more than thirty thousand suicidal patients under his care. The challenge was phenomenal. Frankl created community groups for the patients and taught counselors to identify projects the patients could contribute to, serious work the world needed that would give them a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Frankl also had the patients circle the difficult experiences they’d had and while allowing them to grieve, also asked them to list benefits that had come from their pain. The result of the program was transformational. Not one patient committed suicide on Frankl’s watch.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“There’s truth in the idea we’re never going to be perfect in love but we can get close. And the closer we get, the healthier we will be. Love is not a game any of us can win, it’s just a story we can live and enjoy.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“If love is conditional, it’s just some sort of manipulation masquerading as love.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy

“When two people are entirely and completely separate they are finally compatible to be one. Nobody's self-worth lives inside of another person. Intimacy means we are independently together.”
― Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy