The Grief Recovery Handbook Quotes

“you were sent into life with several pieces of misinformation about dealing with loss. The six we have identified so far are: Don’t feel bad. Replace the loss. Grieve alone. Just give it time. Be strong for others. Keep busy. None of these ideas leads us to the actions of discovering and completing the unfinished emotions that accrue in all relationships.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“If circumstances and events conspired to break your heart, would you seek attention immediately, or would you allow yourself to bleed to death emotionally? Pick one!”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Grievers need and want to talk about their losses. It is typical for a family to talk immediately afterwards about the family member who died. It is equally common following a divorce, retirement, pet loss, job loss, or physical change to talk about the good and bad experiences within those relationships or events. Talking about loss and about relationships is wonderful and good, but it is generally not enough to allow us to feel complete. We need to take additional actions to help complete the pain we discover as we talk about our relationships.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“This handbook is designed to give you the information necessary to recover from loss. It has much to offer anyone who truly wants to feel better. It will allow you to choose completion and recovery rather than isolation and avoidance.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Regardless of the cause of your broken heart, you know how you feel, and it probably isn’t good. We are not going to tell you how you feel. You already know. And we will not tell you, “We know how you feel,” because we don’t. Neither does anyone else. At best, we remember how we felt when our losses occurred. Even though you’ve endured painful changes in the circumstances of your life, we are going to tell you what actions you need to take to regain a sense of well-being.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Most professionals have addressed grief from a conceptual, intellectual perspective. This has often left grievers with much understanding—but very little recovery. This book is focused totally on recovery from the emotional pain caused by death, divorce, and other losses.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“It is bad enough that horrible things happened to us. It becomes diabolical when we ourselves sustain and recreate the pain through our own memories.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“As children, we could not change the actions of parents and other adults. Sometime after our childhood, we may become aware of events that happened before we had the power to alter them. We must take responsibility for our current reaction to what happened in the past. Otherwise, we will forever feel like a victim.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“What causes my grief—the loss or my reaction to the loss? Again, the answer is both. While we cannot undo what has happened, we can do something about our reaction. We can acquire skills to help us complete our relationship to the pain, disappointment, frustration, and heartache caused by what has happened.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“If we do not identify different, better, or more, we begin to make the death or other loss responsible for how bad we feel. As long as we believe that someone or something else is responsible, we’re unable to recover.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“What do you wish had been different, better, or more?” will always help you find what is incomplete.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“You were in your head, having a conversation with someone who was not in the car. And it’s a miracle that you’re still alive. Quite often those phantom conversations are with someone who has died or with a former spouse. More likely than not, these conversations represent an aspect of unfinished emotional business between you and someone else, living or dead. Holding on to incomplete emotions consumes enormous amounts of energy. WE”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Unresolved grief consumes tremendous amounts of energy. Most commonly, the grief stays buried under the surface, and only the symptoms are treated. Many people, including mental health professionals, misunderstand the fact that unresolved loss is cumulative and cumulatively negative.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“All relationships include both positive and negative interactions. We know that you can complete grief only by being totally honest with yourself and others.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Unresolved grief is always about undelivered emotional communications that accrue within a relationship over the course of time.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Grieving people want and need to be heard, not fixed. In this true story, the family friend didn’t repair anything;”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Recovery means “discovering and completing” what was unfinished for you in your “unique” relationship.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Time itself does not heal; it is what you do within time that will help you complete the pain caused by loss.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Again, to use the metaphor of the flat tire, here are two choices: (1) to sit down in front of the flat tire and pray for God to cause air to get back in, or (2) to call the automobile club, then pray to God to have the auto club get there quickly.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Wishing that things could somehow have been different, better, or more is not the same as feeling guilty.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“What do we mean by recovery? Recovery means feeling better. Recovery means claiming your circumstances instead of your circumstances claiming you and your happiness. Recovery is finding new meaning for living, without the fear of being hurt again. Recovery is being able to enjoy fond memories without having them precipitate painful feelings of regret or remorse. Recovery is acknowledging that it is perfectly all right to feel sad from time to time and to talk about those feelings no matter how those around you react. Recovery is being able to forgive others when they say or do things that you know are based on their lack of knowledge about grief. Recovery is one day realizing that your ability to talk about the loss you’ve experienced is indeed normal and healthy.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“no one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Grief is about a broken heart, not a broken brain. All efforts to heal the heart with the head fail because the head is the wrong tool for the job. It’s like trying to paint with a hammer—it only makes a mess.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“This handbook is designed to give you the information necessary to recover from loss. It has much to offer anyone who truly wants to feel better. It will allow you to choose completion and recovery rather than isolation and avoidance. If you use it, one word at a time, it will accelerate your recovery tenfold.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses

“We have a very simple belief that everyone involved in a divorce is a griever. That includes children, parents, siblings, and friends of the couple. This attitude makes it easy for us. We always know that the primary issue is unresolved grief.”
― John W. James, The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses