Complex PTSD Quotes

“Mutual commiseration also typically promotes a spontaneous opening into many levels of light-hearted and spontaneous connecting.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Left-brain dissociation is obsessiveness. Commonly, this ranges in severity from dwelling on a singular worry… to repetitively cycling through a list of worries… to panicky drasticizing and catastrophizing. This type of dissociation from internal pain strands the survivor in unhelpful ruminations about issues that are unrelated or minimally related to the true nature of her suffering.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“It appears that children are hard-wired to release fear through angering and crying. The newborn baby, mourning the death of living safely and fully contained inside the mother, utters the first of many angry cries not only to call for nurturance and attention, but also to release her fear.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Pain is excess energy crying out for release.” – Gerald Heard”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“I sometimes feel the most for my clients who were “only” neglected, because it is so difficult to see neglect as hard core evidence. Most people remember little before they were four years old. And by that time, much of this kind of damage is done. It typically takes some very deep introspective work, to realize that current time flashback pain is a re-creation of how bad it felt to be emotionally abandoned.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Through such neglect the child’s consciousness eventually becomes overwhelmed with the processes of drasticizing and catastrophizing. Drasticizing and catastrophizing are critic processes that lead the child to constantly rehearse fearful scenarios in a vain attempt to prepare himself for the worst. This is the process by which Cptsd with its overdeveloped stress and toxic shame programs sets in and becomes triggerable by a plethora of normally innocuous stimuli.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Extensive childhood abuse installs a powerful people-are-dangerous program.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“A child who grows up with no reliable human source of love, support and protection typically falls into a great deal of social unease. He “naturally” becomes reluctant to seek support from anyone, and he is forced to adopt self-sufficiency as a survival strategy.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Food offers us our first outside source of self-soothing, and when a child is starving for love, he frequently makes food his love object.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“This is especially good news because what is learned can be unlearned and vice versa.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“We need to understand exactly how appalling parenting created the now self-perpetuating trauma that we live in. We can learn to do this in a way that takes the mountain of unfair self-blame off ourselves. We can redirect this blame to our parents’ dreadful child-rearing practices. And we can also do this in a way that motivates us to reject their influence so that we can freely orchestrate our journey of recovering.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Here are two examples of emotional self-disclosure that are fundamental tools of my therapeutic work. I repeatedly express my genuine indignation that the survivor was taught to hate himself. Over time, this often awakens the survivor's instinct to also feel incensed about this travesty. This then empowers him to begin standing up to the inner critic. This in turn aids him to emotionally invest in the multidimensional work of building healthy self advocacy. Furthermore, I also repeatedly respond with empathy and compassion to the survivor's suffering. With time, this typically helps to awaken the recoveries capacity for self-empathy. She then gradually learns to comfort herself when she is in a flashback or otherwise painful life situation. Less and less often does she surrender to an inner torture of self-hate, self-disappointment, and self-abandonment.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“When I delve deeply enough into a client's experience, no matter how initially perplexing or intemperate it may at first seem, I inevitably find psychological sense in it...In fact, I can honestly say that I have never met a feeling or behavior that did not make sense when viewed through the lenses of transference and traumatology.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“I feel such sorrow that you were so abandoned and that you felt so alone so much of the time. I love you even more when you are stuck in this abandonment pain – especially because you had to endure it for so long with no one to comfort”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. Breathe deeply and slowly. When you have relaxed your muscles and deepened and slowed your breathing, ask yourself: “What is my most important priority right now? What is the most beneficial thing I can do next?”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“It typically takes some very deep introspective work, to realize that current time flashback pain is a re-creation of how bad it felt to be emotionally abandoned.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“The Creative Growth Center mentioned at the beginning of the last section also offers groups for recovering from shame and grieving the losses of childhood. They are located in Berkeley CA.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“The Emotional-Physical Connection There is often a close relationship between emotion and physical sensation. Physical sensations in the body often co-occur with feelings. Moreover, sensations of tightness and tension can develop as a defense against feelings. As unexpressed feelings accumulate, a greater degree of muscular tension is necessary to keep them under wraps. A child who is repeatedly punished for emoting learns to be afraid of inner emotional experience and tightens [armors] the musculature of her body in an effort to hold feelings in and to banish them from awareness. Holding your breath is a further manifestation of armoring. It is an especially common way of keeping feelings at bay, as breathing naturally brings your awareness down to the level of feeling.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Left-brain dissociation can also be a process of trivialization. This occurs when the survivor over-focuses on superficial external concerns to distract himself from upsetting inner experience. Becoming overly preoccupied with sports statistics or the lives of Hollywood celebrities are common examples of this.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Angering Helps Deconstruct Repetition Compulsion Survivors need to resuscitate their instinctual anger about parental maltreatment or they risk blindly accepting others’ reenactments of these behaviors.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“THE FOUR PROCESSES OF GRIEVING Grieving is at its most effective when the survivor can grieve in four ways: angering, crying, verbal ventilating and feeling.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Sandra Bloom’s article: “The Grief That Dare Not Speak Its Name, Part II, Dealing with The Ravages of Childhood”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Grieving also supports recovery from the many painful, deathlike losses caused by childhood traumatization. Key childhood losses - addressed throughout this book - are all the crucial developmental arrests that we suffered. The most essential of these are the deaths of our self-compassion and our self-esteem, as well as our abilities to protect ourselves and fully express ourselves.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Our recovering depends on us using mindfulness to decrease our habits of dissociation.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“not all survivors hide their outer critic. Fight types and subtypes can take the passive out of passive-aggressive and become quite aggressive. The survivor who is polarized to the outer critic often develops a specious belief that his subjectively derived standards of correctness are objective truth. When triggered, he can use the critic’s combined detective-lawyer-judge function to prosecute the other for betrayal with little or no evidence. Imagined slights, insignificant peccadilloes, misread facial expressions, and inaccurate “psychic” perceptions can be used to put relationships on trial. In the proceedings, the outer critic typically refuses to admit positive evidence. Extenuating circumstances will not be considered in this kangaroo court. Moreover any relational disappointment can render a guilty verdict that sentences the relationship to capital punishment. This is also the process by which jealousy can become toxic and run riot. On another level, the outer critic is skilled at building a case to justify occupying a higher moral ground. From this lofty position, the critic then claims the right to micromanage others. Typically this is rationalized as being for the other’s own good. This control, however, is usually wielded on an unconscious level to protect the survivor from any reenactment of early parental abuse or neglect. Micromanagement of others also devolves into a host of controlling behaviors. Fight types treat others like captive audiences, give them unsolicited performance evaluations, make unreasonable demands for improvement, and control their time schedules, social calendars and food and clothing choices. In worse case scenarios, they dramatically act out their jealousy, often without cause. At its absolute worst, outer critic relating looks like taking prisoners, not making friends.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Soul Without Shame, by Byron Brown, and Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“For me, the strongest evidence of this occurs when I am on my own and trying to do something difficult. If I make a mistake or do not accomplish my task as efficiently as possible, I often feel very anxious as if I am being watched and criticized. I believe this phenomenon corresponds with an internalization of our parents. Our parents were such formative and formidable presences in our developing life, that we have strong representations of them in our psyches. These representations include their beliefs and condemnation about us. Until we work on shrinking their influence, our internalized parents exist in our psyches as the key controlling force of our lives.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Like the soldier overlong in combat, ptsd sets in because you feel as if you are constantly under attack. Unfortunately, internal attack is now added to external attack, and you become locked into hypervigilance and sympathetic nervous system arousal.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“HELPING KIDS MANAGE EMOTIONAL FLASHBACKS This list is for social workers, teachers, relatives, neighbors and friends to help children from traumatizing families. It is adapted from the steps at the beginning of this chapter. Depending on the age of the child, some steps will be more appropriate than others. Even if you are not in a position to help other kids, please read this list at least once for the benefit of your own inner child. Help the child develop an awareness of flashbacks [inside “owies”]: “When have you felt like this before? Is this how it feels when someone is being mean to you?” Demonstrate that “Feeling in danger does not always mean you are in danger.” Teach that some places are safer than others. Use a soft, easy tone of voice: “Maybe you can relax a little with me.” “You’re safe here with me.” “No one can hurt you here.” Model that there are adults interested in his care and protection. Aim to become the child’s first safe relationship. Connect the child with other safe nurturing adults, groups, or clubs. Speak soothingly and reassuringly to the child. Balance “Love & Limits:” 5 positives for each negative. Set limits kindly. Guide the child’s mind back into her body to reduce hyper-vigilance and hyperarousal. a. Teach systemic relaxation of all major muscle groups b. Teach deep, slow diaphragmatic breathing c. Encourage slowing down to reduce fear-increasing rushing d. Teach calming centering practices like drawing, Aikido, Tai Chi, yoga, stretching e. Identify and encourage retreat to safe places Teach “use-your-words.” In some families it’s dangerous to talk. Verbal ventilation releases pain and fear, and restores coping skills. Facilitate grieving the death of feeling safe. Abuse and neglect beget sadness and anger. Crying releases fear. Venting anger in a way that doesn’t hurt the person or others creates a sense of safety. Shrink the Inner Critic. Make the brain more user-friendly. Heighten awareness of negative self-talk and fear-based fantasizing. Teach thought-stopping and thought substitution: Help the child build a memorized list of his qualities, assets, successes, resources. Help the child identify her 4F type & its positive side. Use metaphors, songs, cartoons or movie characters. Fight: Power Rangers; Flight: Roadrunner, Bob the Builder; Freeze: Avatar; Fawn: Grover. Educate about the right/need to have boundaries, to say no, to protest unfairness, to seek the protection of responsible adults. Identify and avoid dangerous people, places and activities. [Superman avoids Kryptonite. Shaq and Derek Jeter don’t do drugs.] Deconstruct eternity thinking. Create vivid pictures of attainable futures that are safer, friendlier, and more prosperous. Cite examples of comparable success stories.”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

“Quadruplets Laughing”].”
― Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving