The Lazy Husband Quotes

“Men are overly sensitive to being told what to do. If they are persuaded to understand that they’re making you happy by doing more, they’ll be a lot more interested than if they’re doing it because they’re being told.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“Unfortunately, some men are a little hard-of-hearing. This is why about a quarter of them are completely surprised when their wives file for divorce.9 If you’re talking to your husband about your feelings, you may have to make it very, very plain how unhappy you are with the current arrangement.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“If you are to gain power in your household, you need to come face-to-face with the ways in which you may subtly or overtly idealize men or their power. You need to gain the comfort to face a man down and to strongly assert your wishes and needs for change. As Mahony writes, “Is there any way to expunge the glittery aura of male status? Only by changing one's feelings. Women who can’t will scurry like a scullery maid or live with guilt.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“Social expectations about what men and women do play out in the housework realm. For example, a single man who lives alone and is a slob is commonplace. Anna Quindlen's statement that most men live like “bears with furniture”24 is an affectionate testimony to this. People aren’t surprised when single men are slobs, yet few blame a messy house on a husband once men get married. A woman who lives alone and keeps her apartment like a pigsty is more likely to be viewed in a critical way by both men and women. In fact, women do even more housework when they marry and men do even less.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“Studies show that the most effective parents are authoritative.110 Authoritative parents are defined as being affectionate and loving with their children, but strong in their ability to set limits and make demands. Authoritative parents are contrasted with authoritarians, who are highly controlling and show little affection or tenderness toward their children. They’re also contrasted with permissive parents, who are loving and affectionate but unable to set appropriate limits. Both authoritarian and permissive parents are less likely to raise well-adjusted children than authoritatives.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“It's especially important to a couple's well-being and longevity if the husband has sufficiently separated from his parents and is able to prioritize his wife's happiness over his own mother's.20 Men who are too tied to their own parents may give their parents too much say over how to conduct their households.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“Men whose own mothers were overly demanding, needy, or restrictive can feel especially frightened by their wive's sudden escalation in needs and requirements for help. A woman may be suddenly caught off guard by this new demonstration of anger, withdrawal, or blame in response to her reasonable requests for help and participation.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“women who get the most participation from men are those who are comfortably assertive in their expectations of that participation.8 If you feel overly responsible or guilt-ridden about wanting your husband to pull his weight, you’ll be at the mercy of his goodwill. This is not where you want to be in the modern-day, stressed-out marriage where everybody's trying to steal a few minutes of down time.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“While we all wish that love were a place of unconditional approval and acceptance, real-life marriage doesn’t work that way. The reality is that each of us constantly evaluates whether we’re getting as much out of the bargain as the other. When we are getting enough, our needs to strategize and negotiate recede into the background and a kind of harmony is achieved. When we’re not, we have to reexamine what we’re getting, what we’re not, and how we’re gonna go and get it. Women often feel more guilty engaging in this kind of hard-boiled, strategic thinking in marriage because they’re socialized to be more empathic and self-sacrificing.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

“Many men feel hurt and rejected by the central focus that a child gains in his wife's life. Men who feel displaced, hurt, rejected, or devalued by the arrival of a child are more likely to retreat from doing housework or parenting. Their “laziness” is a protest for feeling displaced and unimportant.”
― Joshua Coleman, The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework