Sleepless Dreamer > Recent Status Updates

Me, when a conversation on conflicts doesn't include the Israeli-Palestinian one: how rude, we're the most fascinating conflict there is and clearly the most important.

Me, when a conversation on conflicts includes the Israeli-Palestinian one: wow, stop being so obsessed with us, there are other conflicts out there

As always, Israelis and Palestinians are strikingly beautiful and we deserve so much better. I am stunned by how unfair it is that some people inherit welfare states while others are gifted violent conflicts.

Seeing Palestinians (online) celebrate the terror attack today really does push me one step closer to believing there's really no point in trying.

Like sure, a Palestinian irl said that's the minority but these are the leaders and these are the main news sites. This is what it is. Glee for the murder of a civilian who was in the wrong place in the wrong time. That could be me one day.

לעולם לא הגעתי למצב שכל כך נמאס לי מאנגלית ואנחנו רק ביום השלישי. כאלו פאק, למה השפה הזאת נתקעת לי בגרון

First hours in the Netherlands and there is so much joy in seeing people's reactions when we introduce ourselves. Like hi, yes, I'm Israeli and he's Palestinian. Welcome to how the Middle East should look.

Me: I think I want to write my bachelor thesis either on immigration or on Northern Ireland and I'd like to focus on the impact of activism.

My professor: well, that's terribly boring, why not do *insert idea relating to economics*

Am I doomed to do economics research forever?

It took me over half a year but today I finally had a conversation in Arabic with a worker in the dorms and oh my god, she was so shocked and happy and I cannot believe that I waited this long to do it, this could have happened months ago.

Like yes, my thick Israeli accent makes me shy to speak but I need to get over it, I really do know more Arabic than I feel I do.

me: okay, after two years of careful consideration, I have decided to do an mba.

them: great, you need to extend it by a semester and maybe a year because it turns out our program isn't actually feasible.

me: oh? is that so? i quit.

Is there anything more wholesome than 2 different encounters with non-Jews that ended with them wishing me Shabbat Shalom this week?

They were both wrong (Shabbat Shalom isn't said on Wednesday or on Saturday evening) but ah, I love the idea that they went, "I'm talking to a Jew, what goodbye do I say? Shabbat Shalom!"

"But even today, Dr. Seligman, for a German a living Jew is quite an excitement, something that no one prepared us for when we were growing up. We were only used to dead or miserable Jews, staring at us from endless grey photographs or from somewhere far away in exile, never smiling, and us forever in their debt."

There will likely be a point where I'll find this book problematic but rn this is an excellent point.

Politics student adventures: I used to be a big fan of consociationalism but as I age, I begin to love centripetalism more. Is this what growing up and becoming pragmatic means?

Halloween adventures: hunting a zombie in a party in order to use the bandages for an injured friend.

Also, my Israeli-Palestinian community never ceases to fill me with hope- we are all so phenomenal. I love us so much.

Things I wish I could say to every socially conscious anxious teen:

there might be a day where you will sit in a class with people who are more qualified than you and yet, you will feel fully comfortable and confident enough to speak up a lot and even joke around with your professor.

“may God beat us awake     
scourge our brains to life     
may we measure every victory
by the momentary absence of pain     
there is no solace in history     
this is a gift
we are given at birth”

Chaotic uni vibes:
not being able to enroll to a class and deciding to commit to showing up anyways, even if I don't get credits for it and it's technically not allowed.

I've decided that this is the year I will truly enjoy academia, I'm done with being sad, stressed and frustrated. I intend to have an excellent semester cause heck yes, I love my field and I refuse to let minor things ruin my enjoyment.

Day one of the Israeli-Palestinian seminar:
I have forgotten how emotionally taxing and hard it is to joke around with someone and then hear them call you a colonizer who committed a genoicide. Like, the fuck?

In a sea of incredibly stressful and confusing days, today was actually one where things slowly started to make sense and wow, I'm not used to feeling this certain about my life. I wish I could know how I'll look back on today in the future.

Minutes passed in Turkish-Israeli dialogue before someone complains about Erdogan: 3

Also, I thought I would never have a stranger social outing than Purim of 2018 but I was wrong. Today was a mess and I am convinced it's gonna be a hilarious story to tell.

Me: writes a paper for uni explaining why the Israeli-Palestinian conflict can't be solved by one state, 2 state or power sharing solutions.

My professors: "you've left the reader with so much optimism!"

I'm genuinely unsure if this is sarcasm, a lack of careful reading or a reflection of how depressing most papers on this topic usually are.

John Green and I both doing better in the math than the verbal part of our university acceptance exams makes me feel kind of cool. I was definitely concerned about it at the time.

Me: constantly complains about academia, hates receiving grades, spends the entirety of exam season being stressed and suffering from imposter syndrome

my professor: you did an excellent job this semester! I recommend you stay in research!

me: ooh, academia is my dream, I've always loved university. the horror of the last semester is completely erased from my mind and now I only think about the joy of knowledge

“Zionism offered a way of saying “we’re finished with you, God” and “thank you, God,” simultaneously."

This is such an accurate way of putting it.

Them: we want you to be fully honest and blunt with the European diplomats coming.

Me: if I will be blunt with them, I think I could get them to quit their jobs, I am genuinely angrier with them than with any Palestinian.

I donated to COVAX solely so I'd be able to ethically complain about how sick the third vaccine is making me.

Like yes, I am a privileged citizen of a rich country that is greedily hoarding vaccines but I have done my civil duty to help others so I no longer feel guilty about whining.

Anyways, I have a fever, a headache and just generally feel gross, ughh.

Every year, my existential birthday dread and depression gradually gets replaced by sheer gratefulness for life. I had no idea growing up could allow that perspective.

And wow, despite how horrendous this year treated me, I'm still just so incredibly awed by all the good in my life.

Having a job that requires you to be likeable in order to get stuff done is great 99% of the time (so many random friendships! So much passive aggressive!!! Such a feeling of polite power!!!) and yet absolutely awful on days when you just want to lie down and mope in bed. Ugh.

"The country's Jewish community to a degree has been orientalized... This might have helped pave the way to binationalism (via some shared values- the centrality of family and clan, for example- among Israeli Sephardis)."

Family is a central aspect of Judaism, not Sephardi culture. Ashkenazis just have small families due to the Holocaust and tend to be less warm cause we all secretly hate each other.

Are you really pursuing higher education if you don't eventually burst into tears in the library?

"In 1905, Negib Azoury predicted that Arab nationalism and Jewish nationalism "are destined to fight each other continually until one of them wins.""

1905. 116 years ago. That's a solid 30 years before the start of the Holocaust. 42 years before the first Jewish-Arab war. How have we not been able to prove this guy wrong yet?

"It is clear today that no Israeli leader will initiate a pullout from the West Bank before the IDF acquires the technological capability to protect its population centers from short-range missile attacks"

Wow, this was published before the Iron Dome and yet, even though 90% of the missiles fail now, the technological capacity isn't enough. Morris legit predicted its flaws- expensive and not full proof.