Beatriz Baptista > Recent Status Updates

Is this what it means to live and die alone? That you'll always be in the same place, no matter where you are?

"Is that so bad?" I asked myself out loud.

I don't need to tell you that no one answered.

“When people say they want kids, what is it they actually want? Lots of folks would say they want to have a baby with their partner, but what's the difference between wanting that and wanting your own baby? It felt like people with kids knew something at the onset that I still couldn't understand. It's like they were all members of a club that I could never join.”

“This word spawns all sorts of thoughts. They like to sit off to the side and stare at me. I know that being stared at makes me anxious, angry, and depressed, but I can't bring myself to look straight back at them. It's just too scary. (…) So I look away and try to rid them from my mind. But that only makes it hard to tell if I've escaped my demons or invited them to stay.”

"Well, we use words to communicate, right? Still, most of our words don't actually get across. You know what I mean? Well, our words might, but not what we're actually trying to say. That's what we're always dealing with. We live in this place, in this world, where we can share our words but not our thoughts.”

okay fim da primeira parte do livro! diria que foi um 4.5/5 ⭐️

“Do you have any idea... how scared I am? (…) Why was I born? Why did any of us have to be born? If we were never born, none of this would have happened, none of It would-“

“Not just in the movies. I'm saying that right now, on this planet, people are going through the worst kinds of pain imaginable.”

"I guess that maybe people need to escape from them-selves." (…) "Or from all the stuff they carry around the past, memories, all that. For some people, though, that kind of escape isn't enough. They never want to come back to themselves, so they decide to not live anymore."

"You're always yourself, right? From the second you're born, you're you. Sometimes people get sick of that. I guess that's why." (…) "Life is tough, but you gotta keep living until you die, you know what I mean? Sometimes you just need to escape, from your own life.”

“Your life would have been better if you never had me. Think about how great everything would be if none of us were ever born. No happiness, no sadness. Nothing could ever happen to us then. It's not our fault that we have eggs and sperm, but we can definitely try harder to keep them from meeting.”

“On the verge of sleep, I wondered how many more times I was going to get my period. How many more? How many times had it happened already? Another month, another egg.”

“That's when I said it. It's your fault for having me. I realized something after that, though. It's not her fault she was born.”

+ “I wish I didn't care. But I do care. And everything is always changing. Everything gets dark, and that darkness fills my eyes more and more. I don't want to keep them open. I don't want to see. I'm afraid, though. What if I close them and I can't open them again?”

“My hands move. My feet move. I don't know how to move them, though. It's like everything is moving all these parts. It's funny. It's like I'm in there, somewhere inside myself, and the body I'm in keeps on changing, more and more and more and more, in ways I don't even know.“ +

“It feels like I'm trapped inside my body. It decides when I get hungry, and when I'll get my period. From birth to death, you have to keep eating and making money just to stay alive. (…) But what's it all for? Life is hard enough with just one body. Why would anyone ever want to make another one?”

“Does blood coming out of your bad make you a woman? A potential mother? What makes that so great anyway?”

+ “Women get consumed. Not surprising, considering the sheer amount of traffic a woman's body experiences. Tampons and speculums. Cocks, fingers, vibrators and more, between the legs, from behind, in the mouth. Men love to put things inside women, don't
they? Cucumbers and bananas and bottles, a string of pearls, a Magic Marker, a fist. Once a guy wanted to wedge a Walkie-Talkie inside of me. I declined.”

“I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. I have known so many sick women all my life. Women with chronic pain, with ever-gestating diseases. Women with conditions. Men, sure, they have bone snaps, they have backaches, they have a surgery or two, yank out a tonsil, insert a shiny plastic hip.” +

“Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them, Amma said, pulling another Blow Pop from her pocket. Cherry. "Know what I mean? If someone wants to do fucked-up things to you, and you let them, you're making them more fucked up. Then you have the control. As long as you don't go crazy.”