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When we take on a discovery mindset in conflict with our children, they instinctively learn the rhythms of secure conflict resolution. Our openness to their needs during conflict will help them learn to be open to others needs during conflict. While modelling a rupture to repair conflict proceed, we empower our children to trust the process of learning that conflict offers us

Model honesty to receive it. Answer with empathy when you “catch” them. It makes them feel safe next time

Structure gives predictability - being able to predict routines lets them feel safe so their brain can focus on creativity and learning, rather than needing to be hyperalert for survival.

Too harsh (“because I’m the parent and I said so”) = lack of trust, doesn’t allow learning/processing of why you made certain decisions

Too rigid (anxious control from parent) overwhelms nervous system, feeling unsafe

Interesting reveal about the woman training the main character being the student who was so badly injured by Ulsicor’s brother that he “killed himself”. Some very interesting quotes from characters regarding power, responsibility of it. That ceding to the power is a better option than fighting it as it affords you what you want out of life (ie family, perceived safety, etc)

I think this is probably a good book. Maybe just not my genre. The way things are described are hard to follow for me. Hard to visualize all the machinery and buildings that are explained. Also a lot of reference to things that have happened in the past but not explained, just have to accept it as fact and move on. Maybe it will all be explained later