Status Updates From Tytus Andronikus

oh Bassianus was my fav :(

Act V

death count: 14 (???) (jesus)
cannibalism: 😋 like a dozen
new emperors crowned: 1
revenge: -d

👍

Act IV

death count: 7
funny 12 yos ready for murder: 1
minds lost: 1
funny yo mama jokes: 1
babies born: 2
babies saved: 1
babies bought: 1
clowns: 3
emperors fooled: 1
wars begun: 1
cunty queens: 1 (good for you, tamora!!!)
coriolanus mentions: 1 (is lucius bisexual? discuss)

omg coriolanus name drop… funny how bill mentioned him here and then wrote his play some 15 years later

Act III

death count: 5
rape count: 2
banished: 1
hands cut off: 3
tongues cut off: 1
sons left to titus: 0
racists: the entirety of the andronicus family @ bill wtf

Act II

death count: 3
rape count: 2
falsely accused of murder: 2
hands cut off: 2
tongue cut out: 1
extremely elaborate revenge plans executed: 1

shoked: me

je-he-sus-chris-ti-hus what the fuchuuucuuhuuukckkujkkccyyuuuu

Chiron: i love lavinia most, and you brother, are a fugly slut!

Demetrius: i love lavinia most, and you brother, have snot running down your face, thats how green you are

Aaron: she is kinda married tho

Demetrius: who cares, shes still game

Aaron: so like. would you be mad if both would hit?

Chiron: i mean. i wouldnt.

Demetrius: neither i, really.

Aaron: so whats the problemo then, besties! share!

me: uh-

oh the writing is exquisite im HOWLING

someone explain why im always so anxious to begin a shakespeare when in reality nothing much ever comes close to one

man what is in lavinias character soup that she makes brothers want to kill each other

Act I

death count: 2
disabled count: 0
betrayals planned: 3

the amount of deranged shit that’s already been set up… i can’t even summarise the amount of guns sure to re-appear very very soon