Status Updates From A Lie Someone Told You Abou...

All the years of ritual—undressing and dressing, diaper changes, potty time, bath time, tooth brushing, reading, hugs and kisses—are so exhausting. If they don’t fall asleep beside him, whoever is on bedtime duty stumbles downstairs, announces wearily, 'And that concludes today’s parenting.' Until the next day, and the next and the next. As if it were a curse and not a blessing. As if it really were forever.

He’ll still need a 'bop' sometimes, as he calls it, an arm-flinging, wrist-
flapping, kicking up of heels. A caper, a gambol, a rumpus. Leap of faith, and jump for joy. Sometimes they’ll even join in, breathless with love.

When she finally settles in a lap, she looks like a hen roosting. But before she lies down, she plumps them like a pillow, working her paws, rhythmically, a behavior said to derive from kittens kneading their mothers before nursing. Perfectly normal, the internet says. Some cats will do this—to men and women alike—all their lives. Suddenly he intuits the comfort of keeping a pet even after the child leaves home.