Status Updates From A Fatal Thing Happened on t...

"And all he had to do was use the courts to murder four people. He didn't even get blood on his tunic; though, as far as Tacitus was concerned, he had drenched his soul in noble blood."

oh tacitus u ate with that

marcus aquilius regulus pulled up and suddenly im hearing timothee chalamet singing about statistics

"Come over to my military camp, the enemy said, let's have tea. Gaius, being apparently an idiot, pottered over, possibly bearing a gift, and was shocked - shocked! - to discover that it was a trap and there was no tea, only stabbings."

himbo core

oh u suck nero

emma shitting on marcus aurelius' repetitive ass writing 😭

tiberius just seems like a chill guy with hella hyperfixations like what do u mean he was the first palaeontologist??

"The lesson, one assumes, is that you can do whatever you like if you're from a good family: go plunder all the provinces and torment all the colonial commoners you like, my friend, as long as your dad is aristocratic and nice."

DEAD BAHAHA

"So they came up with what Cicero calls 'a maniacal plot.'"

imma use that

"To make things extremely Roman, there are two other Rosciuses involved, both called Titus Roscius, for which I apologise now."

bro the odds of sextus roscius^2 and titus roscius^2 being at the scene of the murder

"or being beaten to death with rods (that last one was the punishment for writing mean poems about other people)."

great return

Slayyyy (literally) it’s so good!

“we won’t talk about land reform because it’s really boring” skill issue

i will get back to this after frankenstein (both my current reads are eating rn, it feels good to be alive)

why is everyone's name gaius I CANNOT KEEP UP

yeah "you too, my child" doesn't have as good a ring to it

"Cicero wrote a letter to his best friend Atticus (it’s cute that they all have best friends)"

so cute

"So Caesar, extremely smoothly and demonstrating why he was generally so good at his job, laughed and replied, ‘I’m not Rex, I’m Caesar!’ as if the crowd had merely, somehow, got his name wrong."

i know ceaser didn't just "hi, hungry i'm dad" his way out of this

"And got Cicero exiled. Then burnt Cicero’s house down."

clodius is absolute batshit but at least he got character

give clodius a break, he is going through a friend breakup

"So Publius, in a fit of sacrilegious rage, launched the chickens into the sea, screaming, ‘If they won’t eat, let them drink,’ and stormed head-first into a catastrophic defeat."

publius like me fr

"It’s hard to call Gaius a good guy (even though he did pull open his toga like an absolute flirt)"

she writes like a brainrot girl, or whatever jens calls it

I’m sick and having difficulty focusing on making my brain work and concentrate on reading, but this is fun and makes me laugh. Yayyyyyy! Now I can do something other than rewatch King of the Hill for the 1000th time.

This is good because it discusses people other than emperors. It's also nasty and a but funny.

I love Emma Southon's writing style - informative, casual and a bit funny :))

Absolutely loving this. Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? We should all just stab Caesar.

About to point out to every man trying to talk about the Roman Empire what crybaby losers most Roman elite were…thanks Emma!!!

Cheeky and informative!

Southon might be my favorite history writer

Really liking it so far, just reached ch 7. A whole lot of names makes it hard to keep tracking of what going on sometimes, really need to take notes. So far ch 5 murder in the slave state has been my favorite a very interesting look in how they viewed killing of slaves, murder by magic ch 6 was also kind of funny in what they viewed as magic and how it was interchangeable with poison or medicine.

About to finish chapter 3 about murder in the family. Have to find a way to take notes, lots of names. Murdering parents is often seen as the most horrendous when dealing with family murder, fathers seem to be the vast majority while mothers or women is general. They also had no degrees of murder in certain situations so they were excused but did have a form of an insanity plead.