Status Updates From How to Do the Work: Recogni...

This book covers so much that it can only do so at a high level, which makes it a great introduction for someone just entering their journey of psychological healing. I look forward to more books delving deeper into these topics.

Second time reading this book, absolutely incredible.

Sooooo gooood

Audible listening to this - So far there is a lot of helpful information

Reading Challenge: A book published this year

50

47: how many aspects of our lives are actually chosen or just inherited?
48: You do not need to be a reflection of others unprocessed trauma.

Awesome. I really like how author is transparent

28: if you intuitively know what you need to do then why don’t you do it? You are stuck repeating automatic behavioral patterns

Kind of plowing through this - I'm not doing the activities. But I may go back and work through some of them a few weeks at a time once I finish the read-through. Lots of helpful perspective in here! I wish so many more people would read this, and learn from the concepts, even if some of the practices don't feel right for everyone.

Coping (soothing but especially enduring) teaches us that we can tolerate discomfort. We previously surrounded ourselves with distractions because on some level we believed that we could not deal with distressing situations. Every time you widen your window of tolerance, you teach yourself that yes, I can get through this. (p. 232).

Believe it or not, there is a “ninety-second rule” of emotions as physiological events, they only last for a minute and a half. Then they come to an end. Our body wants to return to homeostasis.

One of the major achievements of emotional maturity is learning how to be at peace with these misunderstandings or with being misunderstood. This will help you to continue to live your life as your most authentic Self- no matter what the fallout may be- when your opinions, beliefs, and realities are valid- not in relation to anyone else, just because you have them. (p. 227).

Yes

“Boundaries are essential to all healthy relationships. Think of them as an act of service.” (p.194).

“Emotional dumping may not be one-sided. A relationship can be built around emotional dumping as the main form of connection. An example of mutual emotional dumping is when a relationship revolves around a central shared conflict.” (p.190)

xiv: How am I sick physically? Where is it manifesting?
18: make one small promise to yourself everyday
Future Self Journaling (your holistic psychologist.com)
Meditation
Yoga
Choose to make beneficial changes!

reading this book purely to write an informed critical review on it, i do not support the author no more and neither should you.

Just a book to take slowly and really absorb the information!

I think I’m going to finish reading/listening to this via audiobook at some point

You might even say, “My childhood wasn’t that bad. I shouldn’t complain.” I hear that a lot. I have to remind you: you are looking backward in time from the perspective of your adult brain with the awareness and maturity that can put things in proper perspective and alignment. Our child brains did not have these capabilities. Everything was bigger, more intense, more extreme than we can imagine now.

The Overachiever.

Feels seen, heard, and valued through success and achievement. Uses external validation as a way to cope with low self-worth. Believes that the only way to receive love is through achievement.

The yes-person.

Drops everything and neglects all needs in the service of others. Was likely modeled self-sacrifice in childhood and engaged in deep codependency patterns, much as the caretaker did. Believes that the only way to receive love is to be both good and selfless.

This is why many of us act like children when we are threatened or upset. The reality is that many of us are stuck in this childlike state. We are emotionally illiterate because we are a little children and adult bodies.

When children’s emotional needs are not adequately or consistently met, they often develop a subconscious core belief that they are not worthy of having these needs met. When they are emotionally denied, they overcompensate- exaggerating some parts of themselves and denying others based on what they perceive to be validated or considered worthy, by their parent-figures.

Even if an emotion makes us dressed or sad, it often feels familiar and safe because it provides the same type of release that we experienced as children.

When we’re stuck in a trauma response, our neuroleptic can become inaccurate. It misreads the environment, sees threats where there are none, and returns us to the overactive fight-or-flight state.

When our needs are consistently unmet, our pain and disconnection are compounded. Self-preservation leads to self-betrayal. It’s a loop we can easily get stuck in. The cycle of unresolved trauma, repetition, of maladaptive coping behaviors, and consistent denial of Self allows the pain to live on in our mind and body, where it can eventually make us sick.

How many aspects of your life have you actually chosen- and how many have you inherited?