Status Updates From How to Do the Work: Recogni...

وقتی کودکان از لحاظ عاطفی نادیده گرفته می‌شوند، به والدین خود نگاه می‌کنند تا ببینند چه چیزی از نظر آن‌ها مورد تأیید یا ارزشمند است تا بر اساس آن برخی از بخش‌های خود را با اغراق ابراز کنند و برخی از بخش‌ها را نیز سانسور کنند.

settled into accepting that his inner child will always be there cultivating an ongoing dialogue between his present self and his inner child.

In truth, the work is never done.

And the better you’re able to distinguish between them, the better you’ll be able to make choices about how you will behave. This distance will give you the opportunity to choose the way you want to react.

You don’t need to have the answers; just start to listen to the questions. The more you cultivate this listening, the more you will become present and aware. The greater your presence and awareness grow, the greater your ability to distinguish between your inner child reactions and your authentic Self will be.

When you react from that wounded place, begin to witness from a place of curiosity. Your goal is to gather information. what narrative is your inner child telling you? what is your inner child trying to communicate?

Accepting that you have an inner child with wounds will help you remove your shame about and disappointment in your inability to change, the “stuckness” that we’ve discussed. Your inability to move forward or make changes isn’t about you, it’s an extension of the conditioned patterns and core beliefs you developed in your childhood. Your hurt inner child is still hurting.

“My childhood wasn’t that bad. I shouldn’t complain.” you are looking backward in time from the perspective of your adult brain with the awareness and maturity that can put things into proper perspective and alignment. Our child brains did not have these capabilities. Everything was bigger, more intense, more extreme than we can imagine now. Give your inner child the gift of acknowledging its wounds.

Our real long-term goal is to find that security inside ourselves. Our work is to internalize the feeling of being good enough—a state of okayness that is not reliant on others. How can we begin to get to that place? This is the question at the heart of our inner child work.

THE 7 INNER CHILD ARCHETYPES
The caretaker. Typically comes from codependent dynamics. Gains a sense of identity and self-worth through neglecting their own needs. Believes that the only way to receive love is to cater to others and ignore their own needs.

Our romantic partners tend to activate our wounds at the most intense levels

I can’t tell if this is pseudoscience lol

Listening to the audiobook

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These last few chapters have had some really eye opening realizations. "core beliefs" got me in my gut. I've finally made it to "Meeting your inner child" and already, I keep stopping every few paragraphs because the words are really resonating with me.

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our relationship with our primary parent-figures is the foundation of the dynamics of all the relationships we have in adulthood.

When they are emotionally denied, they overcompensate—exaggerating some parts of themselves and denying others based on what they perceive to be validated, or considered worthy, by their parent-figures.

Few people, let alone stressed parents, have the tools to meet all of these needs all of the time. Even the most fully realized families have limitations. When children’s emotional needs are not adequately or consistently met, they often develop a subconscious core belief that they are not worthy of having these needs met.

This egocentric thinking can be seen as we try to make sense of emotionally painful experiences with our parent-figures. A child, after being yelled at by dad after a stressful day at his office, is unable to understand that they are not the cause of his anger.

As children, when any of our physical, emotional, or spiritual needs are consistently unmet, we inaccurately assume responsibility for this neglect, often internalizing false beliefs (No one is helping me because I’m bad) and then generalizing them more broadly (The world is a bad place).

Allowing ourselves to honestly witness the entirety of our past and current experiences is fundamental to our healing.

The habit of thinking a particular thought over and over again changes our brain, our nervous system, and the cellular chemistry of our entire body, making it easier to default to such thought patterns in the future. In other words: the more we think something, the more we are likely to believe it.

Today I am embodied.

This is key to healing: learning the power of your body and your mind by testing their outer limits. As we take on deeper and more taxing postures, our vagus nerve learns how to control our stress response and return more readily to the state of calmness and safety where healing happens. We learn how to “bounce back” faster or become more resilient in the face of controlled physical and mental adversity.

many yogic practices are designed to activate the body’s stress responses of fight, flight, or freeze. The whole idea behind yoga, “is that through training, you can begin going into these immobilizing states normally linked with faint and freeze, but more aware and less frightened.” He described it as “the ability to go deep inside oneself and feel secure” in response to a perceived threat.

no matter how broken, out of control, tired, or hopeless we may feel, change is possible.

We can harness the power of our bodies to heal our minds and the power of our minds to heal our bodies.

Thanks to epigenetics, we know that our genes are not fixed; thanks to neuroplasticity, we know that the brain can form new pathways; thanks to the conscious mind, we know the power of our thoughts to effect change; thanks to polyvagal theory, we know that the nervous system affects all other systems of the body. We can unlearn and relearn as adults, even if we’ve endured significant trauma in our past.

They were the reactive impulses of a dysregulated body. I wasn’t bad. I wasn’t damaged. In fact, those habits and behaviors were learned responses that my body used to keep me alive. They were survival mechanisms.