Status Updates From Misadventures of a Curvy Gi...

But I of all people knkw that it doesnt matter how smart I am or how talented. When you're fat, all those qualities are erased. All that exists to represent you as a three-demensional and nuanced human is your fatness, and your fatness is translated into a visual shorthand for all sorts of moral failings. Laziness. Gluttony. Uncleanliness. An unholy lack of self-disciplne and self-control.

↪ this 😞🙁

So it was hard not wish I had the luxury of scoffing at male desire.It was hard to watch those movies and know that people like me didnt have heroes chasing after them.People like me are best friends,the comic relief, maybe even a villain.
..
Girls like me didnt get chased,we didnt get claimed,didnt get the happily ever after.Not in movies.Not in real life.

(i grew out of it but god, these thoughts always come back)

And mostly, I'm furious that I live in a world that has the power to make me feel ugly and unlovable because of my body.

↪ same hun, same 😔

"I'll just go get my thing," I announce pointlessly and he follows me into the house and up the stairs like a puppy. A big farmer puppy with big farker muscles and pleading green eyes.

↪ i love how caleb is genuinely adorable, it makes him even hotter tbh 🥰❤

I feel jagged and angry and emptier than ever. I feel like the building Im leaning against, like something that's been broken and tossed away and left to crumble in its own desperate mess.

↪ umm can we go back to the smut pls, bc this kinda hits too close to home? 😅

Im a bit embarassed. Okay, a lot embarrased.
Embarassed by my car and my clothes and my body. Sometimes it feel like there's already one strike against me, that whatever what happens,no matter what it is, a stranger will look at me and think: "Oh well, it's because she's overweight."

↪ yuP, been there done that

And if the price of freedom is being alone then fine. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who will only love me if I'm skinny.

↪ it took me quite awhile to get to this conclusion too so... you go gurl! 😎