Status Updates From Dead to the World (Sookie S...

Notes:
(1) Maybe it makes women swoon—I don't know—but it creeps me out to no end how Eric calls Sookie "lover."
- It's just so pretentious, the pet name equivalent of wearing sunglasses indoors.
(2) "Eric’s skills did not include map reading, so I had to pull over to check my Shreveport map to plot our course..."
- Eric's Gen-Z? JK! The opposite, in fact… he's pre-roadmap.

Notes:
(1) We're officially introduced to Claudine. She couldn't be more different than the show version.
- Basically the goddess Aphrodite: sex in a dress, if a bit ditzy.
(2) "The closest hospital was not in Bon Temps, which is way too small to have its own (we're lucky to have a Wal-Mart)..."
- Frankly, I'm impressed. My city has tons of hospitals, but only one Wal-Mart.

Notes:
(1) To the extent this has a "story," it's entirely about setting up situations where Sookie and Eric have sex.
- Call me crazy, but isn't that the definition of porn?
(2) It can't just be me who considers the end of sex scenes as "surviving another one," right?
- See, this is why I don't read more romance novels: there's a decent chance I'll literally die of cringe.

Notes:
(1) "I've never been able to squeeze my budget enough to afford a cell phone, so I began driving home."
- Believe it or not, back in the day, phones were attached to your house!
(2) I'm not saying that Shreveport is less exciting a town than Dallas or Jackson, but most of this plot is just Sookie driving around.
- No supernatural hotels or night clubs... nothing new.

Notes:
(1) Pam: "[Witches] wanted—they want—to take over Eric's businesses ... or make Eric pay them to leave him alone."
- Just lazy all around. Leeching off of someone else's hard work was the plot of the last book too!
(2) "[Eric] relaxed completely. After a moment's tension, I did, too, and then I was dead to the world."
- It's always fun to stumble upon a titular line!

Notes:
(1) Okay, let's do math: if Arlene is 5'8" and she's 2" taller than Sookie, that means Sookie is 5'6", and if she's 10" shorter than Eric, that means he's 6'4".
- I get that Vikings were tall, but medieval "tall" was like 5'7".
(2) "Oh, God, puppy dog eyes. From a 6'4" ancient Viking vampire. It was just too much."
- No, "too much" is doing math for no reason!

Notes:
(1) So, as far as I can recall from my first read of the series, this is the point where the novels and the TV show completely diverge.
- Hence, I can't see how I can use GIFs in updates anymore—the last book was a real struggle!
- I think the only holdover element is the Eric amnesia storyline, and more-or-less only in concept. Though, given that, voilà: status GIF.