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Verhoeven Inge

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Iron John: A Book About Men

by Robert Bly

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Verhoeven Inge said: " A woman’s reflection on the male journey

As a woman, I find it deeply interesting to read about what the inner journey of a man can look like. Iron John opened for me a landscape that I do not walk in myself in the same way, but that I live very close A woman’s reflection on the male journey

As a woman, I find it deeply interesting to read about what the inner journey of a man can look like. Iron John opened for me a landscape that I do not walk in myself in the same way, but that I live very close to — through partners, friends, colleagues and men I meet in life.

Robert Bly uses the old fairytale of the Wild Man to describe how many men grow up wearing a mask: polite, pleasant, productive and “nice”, yet disconnected from their instinct, their grief, their anger and their joy. Beneath this mask there is often isolation, passivity and a lack of life energy. They preserve life, but they do not fully give life.

One of the most striking insights is the impact of the parents. A too-strong or emotionally possessive mother can keep a boy tied to her world, while a distant, wounded or absent father leaves a deep hole in the son’s psyche. Into that empty space enter shame, confusion and distrust of male authority. The boy grows up without a clear inner image of what mature masculinity looks like.

The Wild Man in this book is not a savage or aggressive force. He represents a grounded masculine energy that knows instinct, boundaries and direction, but is not opposed to civilisation. To meet him, the boy must leave the safe castle of his parents and go into the forest — into the unknown. This journey includes several painful but necessary stages: receiving a wound, descending into humility and “ashes work”, learning patience and care, and eventually discovering his inner warrior.

What moved me deeply is the way Bly speaks about wounds. The father wound, the mother wound and the shame wound are not meant to be denied or “fixed” quickly. They are doors. When a man sits with his wounds, grieves them and understands them, something essential awakens. As Bly writes: where a man’s wound is, there his genius is. Strength grows not despite pain, but through it.

The book also explores the relationship between masculine and feminine energy in a nuanced way. The Great Mother has a nourishing side, but also a poisoned one that can prevent separation. The King’s Daughter or Sacred Feminine appears as a figure who recognises the man’s gold, but also tests whether he can carry it responsibly. True maturity requires a man not to regress into dependency, nor to dominate, but to meet the feminine as an equal partner — both outside himself and within.

Bly places great importance on initiation. Adult masculinity does not arise from comfort, performance or spirituality without depth. It requires conscious breaking points, descent, discipline, guidance from older men, and service to something greater than the ego. Not muscle alone, but an emotional body capable of holding tenderness, anger, desire, grief and joy.

As a woman, I read Iron John as a map of a territory I do not inhabit myself, yet deeply recognise. It helps me understand why some men appear kind but empty, why others are stuck in rage or in eternal boyhood, and why clear boundaries, male mentorship and rites of passage matter so much.

For me, Iron John is not an easy or light book. It is mythic, sometimes heavy, often demanding. But it offers an honest and necessary vision of the masculine journey: from mask to face, from boy to man, from survival to embodied presence. ...more "

Dec 09, 2025 06:57AM · see review

Verhoeven Inge is currently reading

Women Who Run With the Wolves

by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

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Verhoeven Inge said: " Women Who Run with the Wolves is a powerful exploration of the Wild Woman archetype and the instinctive feminine nature that many women have lost touch with. Clarissa Pinkola Estés shows how modern culture shapes women into acceptable forms, distanci ...more "

Dec 09, 2025 07:01AM · see review

Verhoeven Inge is currently reading

Master your mindset, leef je mooiste leven

by Michael Pilarczyk

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Verhoeven Inge said: " Master Your Mindset focuses on the power of thoughts and habits, and how they shape behaviour, success and well-being. The book offers practical tools and reminders to become more aware of negative thinking patterns and to take greater responsibility ...more "

Dec 09, 2025 07:03AM · see review

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