Post your writing here for in depth feedback

[Taliah]

@Kara:

"pronounced like obərətʲen" - could we maybe have a simpler pronunciation guide? The upside down ees and little jay mean nothing to me.

It sounds quite interesting, but I don't get the feeling you've given it that much thought. I could probable find extremely similar plotlines in other books. I think it's an alright starting point, and could develop into an excellent tale.

[Audrey]

Can I please have my own critique folder like Charity? :) I have a few stuff that I'm working on.

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

Taliah wrote: "@Kara:

"pronounced like obərətʲen" - could we maybe have a simpler pronunciation guide? The upside down ees and little jay mean nothing to me.

It sounds quite interesting, but I don't get the fee..."

Thanks. :)
Yeah I know it does seem a little generic, but I'm still working through all the details. And yeah I'll try and get another pronounce thing.

[Grace, Head Moderator]

Audrey: all you have to do is go to the critique folder and make a thread called "Audrey's writing"!

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

I have a story in mind, it's about a banshee. I don't know if my Idea is any good so just tell me what you think. So uh... here it is.


Kensia, a girl who just turned eighteen and found out that she wasn't normal like she thought she was and worse she found out that she wasn't even human. She found out that she was a wailing women, otherwise known as a banshee. A girl who screams just before someone dies.

As Kensia uncovers the secrets of her true identity she finds out that she is being hunted, by some kind of coven of sorts. She doesn't know why there after her, but a strange boy who happens to be part of that coven may lead her to the answers to her questions. But can she trust him? He says he wants to help, but is that really what he wants or does he have some dark alternative motive?


I'm not sure if this is any good or if that's exactly how the plots going to be. I kind of just thought of it last night before I went to bed. So please tell me what you think and I'll work from there.

[Emily]

☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ ℋℴℓℓyωℴℴԂ ℧ηԁℯaԃ≿❣☾ wrote: "I have a story in mind, it's about a banshee. I don't know if my Idea is any good so just tell me what you think. So uh... here it is.


Kensia, a girl who just turned eighteen and found out that s..."

That sounds promising! You should keep going with it! It reminds me of My Soul to Take.

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

Thanks. :)

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

This is how I decided to start my story. What do you think so far? Should I start it differently or is this okay?

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Chapter one

“I already told you I don’t know why I was screaming” Kensia said for about the fifth time that day.

Dr. Frankferd sighed softly, “Were you scared, or perhaps you saw something.” he said.

“No I wasn’t scared and no I didn’t see anything.” Kensia said, “I was just having a good time with my friends, hanging out at the beach. Then suddenly I started scream for no reason. Then the next thing I know I’m waking up in the hospital with a doctor telling me that I have a concussion. Apparently when I finished screaming I passed out and hit my head on a log or something.” she said a bit irritably.

Dr. Frankferd nodded slightly, and he must have noted her irritation because he went on to say, “I know this must be frustrating, but maybe it’ll help if you play over the whole night for me. So that we’ll both get a better understanding of what happened.” he said.

“I already went over it with the police” Kensia said.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

[Emily]

☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ ℋℴℓℓyωℴℴԂ ℧ηԁℯaԃ≿❣☾ wrote: "This is how I decided to start my story. What do you think so far? Should I start it differently or is this okay?

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~


Chapter one


..."

I like that beginning :)

[☽❣≾Кἆяἆ ☾இ☽ סℯἆด ฬỉฑcჩℯธｾℯԻ≿❣☾]

Thanks. :)

[☯ ✞ ☮]

Hi, I was wondering if I could get a critique on just a paragraph as it will tell me if I am heading in the right direction! I will submit the written thing right underneath, Thanks! (:

Him

He looked up from his watch, and suddenly stopped. Before him, stood the girl from earlier. From the dim lighting of the filthy corridor he could see she was engaged in an argument with someone. Taking a few steps closer , he realized it wasn't a someone, but rather a door. If he had to guess, she probably only knew of the first password and not the second. Shaking his head, he moved closer to her, so close behind her that he could smell her perfume- a slight flair of floral, with vanilla tucked just behind it. “Last chance doll, the password?” Startled he looked up, and remembered why he stood so close “Moonshine” he whispered. Green eyes flicked towards him, and blinked slowly. Then suddenly the door swung open to reveal the interior of a dimly lit jazz bar.

Her
Before the doorman could second guess the man who told him the password, she walked in quickly and then turned to face whoever had whispered the right password. When she caught a glimpse of his face, she instantly recalled him from earlier that day, when she had caught him staring at her. “Are you following me?” Silently she kicked herself for asking such a stupid question, of course he wasn't following her. At that he quirked a brow and began to smirk.
“I do believe, thanks are in order. Don’t you?”