Becca Writes (I Think, I'm Not Entirely Sure)

[Becca]

Yes.. I write. Or so I think...I am not entirely positive. Great, now I'm confused!

Okay, I feel like I tend to use a lot of repetitive-ness in my writing. So, I shall need your help dear reader. (Yes, you. Don't hide, I know your there!)

So, soon (in a few hours actually) I shall post my first chapter (or half chapter it depends on the length).

But, ya gotta know what its about. Do I will tell you.

I plan to write about a young girl who has a mysterious power to read hieroglyphics. When she discovers a papyrus in her attic, she goes on the trip of a lifetime.

Or at least, right now, thats what its about. My writig can sometimes evolve into something completely different.

So, I bid you good bye readers!

[Jenelle]

Sounds interesting! I look forward to reading your first chapter (or half chapter) :)

[Becca]

Okay.. So I completely lost my Writig Notebook. So, I'm going to wing it and hope it comes out right. Crossed fingers.

Isis Isadora. That's my name.

What's my last name?

Truthfully, I've been wondering that for the past 13 years.

Everytime I've asked Philip and Anne (my parents. They insist I call them by their "offficial names), they always would give me a smile and offer me a cookie. That worked when I was five even when I was eight, but now that I'm thirteen, I don't buy it anymore.

So, as I sat on my bed in my cramped besroom, munching on an Oreo, I couldn't help but wonder what the big dal is.

I mean, it's just a name, right? Why can't they tell me my last name? Shouldn't it be the same as theirs? I know theirs, Duncan.

For about five minutes all I could hear was myself thinking, but hen I finally snapped out of it, I could hear yells erupting down the stairs. This never usually happened, so why was this time any different? Was it because I was older?

I crept across the creaky floorboards, trying (pretty successfully, if I do say so myself) to make my footsteps so quiet that I wouldn't make any noise. Not that they could hear me over their own shouting, or even care.

Half the chapter is right there, not the whole.

[Jenelle]

Intriguing! The narrative is very conversational and real, it draws me in. I am also now filled with questions:

-how does she know she doesn't have a last name?
-if her parents don't want her to know her real last name, why wouldn't they just pretend her last name was "Duncan"?
-Why are her parents suddenly yelling? I am guessing that she just asked them yet again about her last name and is now up in her room with the Oreo they handed her in order to avoid her question?

These ?s are not meant as criticisms, they are honest questions that I can foresee the story hopefully answering. :) I like what you've started here. I look forward to reading more.

[Becca]

Jenelle wrote: "Intriguing! The narrative is very conversational and real, it draws me in. I am also now filled with questions:

-how does she know she doesn't have a last name?
-if her parents don't want her to k..."

Like I said, this is only half a chapter. More will be answered later, yes she did ask them about her last name. To the Duncan question, I never really thought of that, but her parets try to be veery honest people, so it probably never occured to them to lie about her last name. She just assumes that, because her parents are honest people, they would never lie to her.

Thank you! Criticisms are great (I sometimes need those)!

[Jenelle]

Cool. Sorry, I wasn't actually looking for answers. I was telling you what questions, as a reader, this first half chapter brings to mind. I meant it as a good thing. Questions keep your audience hooked. :)

[Maura]

Intriguing indeed. I like the ambiguous nature of it, especially that it is in first person.The only thing that I would say is that for me as a reader, parentheses bother me, and I would clean it up a bit with some commas. But it definitely draws the reader in!