Writing Passionates discussion

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Read my Story/Story Help > PLEASE READ MY STORY AND GIVE SOME FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

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message 1: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller ooooooohhhhhh intrigue. My only advice would be to cut down on you're "dumping". That was kind of a lot of info to process


message 2: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller okay, Kandy. I'm a bit confused about the plot... what do you mean, it was all planned? And like I said, work on not "dumping".

Also, you may want to check your spelling and grammar... quite a few run-on sentences and typos.


message 3: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller no prob... that's what this group is for. I forgot to mention that I love your idea... I reread my post and realized I sounded really critical.


message 4: by Natasha (new)

Natasha | 42 comments Suggestion...try and find other word rather then repeating them. Might take alot of work with a thesaurus but it;s better then the reader seeing the same dramatic discription over and over. IDK. JMHO.


message 5: by Margaret (new)

Margaret | 49 comments I love the idea and you've done a really great jobwith it! I just wanted to point out a few bits you might want to consider when you edit it.

*Baltimore is about 38 miles from DC
--it would take about 10-15 hours of walking to get there, you could spread the walk out over a few days, use that time to describe the desolation an' such

*The ash would be a lot like smoke, so Jenna would probably take shelter or try to filter it out of her breathing as it was falling.

Otherwise I really think it's something great you have here. I know what you mean about "getting the idea out in words". Yeah, I like it.


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