Writing Passionates discussion
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PLEASE READ MY STORY AND GIVE SOME FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
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by
Paige
(new)
Jan 19, 2009 04:58PM
ooooooohhhhhh intrigue. My only advice would be to cut down on you're "dumping". That was kind of a lot of info to process
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okay, Kandy. I'm a bit confused about the plot... what do you mean, it was all planned? And like I said, work on not "dumping". Also, you may want to check your spelling and grammar... quite a few run-on sentences and typos.
no prob... that's what this group is for. I forgot to mention that I love your idea... I reread my post and realized I sounded really critical.
Suggestion...try and find other word rather then repeating them. Might take alot of work with a thesaurus but it;s better then the reader seeing the same dramatic discription over and over. IDK. JMHO.
I love the idea and you've done a really great jobwith it! I just wanted to point out a few bits you might want to consider when you edit it.*Baltimore is about 38 miles from DC
--it would take about 10-15 hours of walking to get there, you could spread the walk out over a few days, use that time to describe the desolation an' such
*The ash would be a lot like smoke, so Jenna would probably take shelter or try to filter it out of her breathing as it was falling.
Otherwise I really think it's something great you have here. I know what you mean about "getting the idea out in words". Yeah, I like it.
