The Zandy Group discussion

Getting Your Stories Read

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message 1: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
Do you have great stories you want people to give you feedback on? Make a link to them here, or try to read others with constructive criticism and compliments.

message 2: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
Ok, I want to link to all my writing. (Don't worry, I don't have too much ;)
Thanks guys, please read it! I will be adding some more stuff soon too, btw.

message 3: by Elly (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments This is a story that I started a while ago and when I realized that I could put writings on here I did. I have several more chapters written but just haven't posted them yet... well here is the first chapter:

message 4: by Zandy (last edited Jan 17, 2009 11:13AM) (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
I need suggestions, please read.

message 5: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
Those were both good stories!

message 6: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
Just so you know, Elly, Goodreads takes out a lot of the formatting automatically... for instance, it won't let me indent.

message 7: by Elly (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments I liked both of your stories, Zandy and Oliva! And I voted on both of them =)

message 8: by Elly (last edited Jan 17, 2009 01:08PM) (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments Olivia wrote: "Just so you know, Elly, Goodreads takes out a lot of the formatting automatically... for instance, it won't let me indent."

Yeah I know it is annoying. =(

message 9: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
Cool! Thanks!
Yeah, one time it took away the formatting when I pasted it, so I spent ten minutes putting it back, and it still didn't come out when I posted it.

message 10: by Elly (last edited Jan 17, 2009 01:27PM) (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments I'm sorry I hate that! I don't know why mine didn't, I just copied it from word...

message 11: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
thx, but what do u mean u voted on both of them?

message 12: by Elly (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments wrote a comment, voted, same dif

message 13: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
k :)

message 14: by Elly (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments I posted the second chapter if any of you want to read it.

message 15: by Elly (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments (and btw I describe some of the details, such as her and her father's relationship, in the third chapter)

message 16: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
i will read it! :)

message 17: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
it's good, 2nd chap's a bit of a cliffhanger

message 18: by Elly (new)

Elly (poisoness13) | 10 comments lol thanks. I have the third and forth chapters. but i still need to think up two names and that is why I haven't posted it. I could post it and have you guys give me ideas or just wait till my cuz gets back to me.

message 19: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
hey alll want to read my storyzzz please do I will put link...

message 20: by Kristen (new)

Kristen | 12 comments Do we have to link? Can we just paste?

message 21: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
Kristen wrote: "Do we have to link? Can we just paste?"

Yes, you can just paste if you'd like.

message 22: by Kristen (new)

Kristen | 12 comments Even if it's long?

message 23: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
Kristen wrote: "Even if it's long?"

yup.. how long is long?

message 24: by Kristen (new)

Kristen | 12 comments Uh...Wait and I'll post tommorrow.

message 25: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod

message 26: by Kristen (new)

Kristen | 12 comments Chapter 1
I woke to the sound of the T.V. In our small apartment, noise spread to every room. The volume dropped as I identified the show as “Sunrise Today”. I glanced at the small bedside clock that I expected to break any day now. It was 6:00 on a Monday morning; no wonder I didn’t want to get up. The T.V. was on early. Strange.
I stretched, but stopped as I realized something. I jumped out of bed and raced to my calendar. I impatiently shoved the cute puppies upward onto the wall; I needed to check, to be sure. I pushed past July, August, September and October; and there it was. November 17th. November 17th, my thirteenth birthday! I closed my eyes and, with my mind, probed my entire body. Nothing was different, or at least I thought.
I opened my eyes and collapsed onto the bed. Why? Why would my mom be dreading this birthday? Why did she try to hide it? My eyes wondered the room as my mind I pondered this. There was the light brown cabinet I had got for my tenth birthday. The black stainless steel desk I had received as a graduation present stood in the corner. It clashed with everything in my room, but the desk was by far my favorite piece. Last summer, my mom and I had painted the textured walls a light blue. It matched the faded carpet that covered the floor. It was the second smallest room in the house, but it was also my favorite. I watched a fly soar across the room. I sighed but got up and approached the door. I didn’t even notice the hole in the wall.
As I entered the living room, I saw my mom perched on a stool in the kitchen. She had her cup of coffee in a death grip and was breathing quickly.
She smiled a thin-lipped smile and said “Happy Birthday, Allie.” She tried to keep it out of her voice, but I heard the fear. “Why are you…?” I began. A panicked look crossed her face and she cut me off saying “Presents?” I let it go because my mom wasn’t going to say anything anyway. “Sure.” I replied in a falsely happy tone. That’s just one of the differences between my mom and me, she is an open book and I am guarded. “Wonderful!” My mom said. I noticed that her hand shook as she passed me two presents. I studied them, deciding which to open first. One was a small, thin package wrapped in floral wrapping paper. The other was a fatter, thicker package with our usual wrapping paper: newspaper. I turned to my mom, holding the thinner package. I watched her fear turn to sheer terror as I asked “Where did this paper come from?” My mom’s face changed from terror to resentment and it settled on acceptance. My mom set down her cup of coffee. She turned to me and said slowly “Allie, it’s from your father.”
I stiffened. How was this possible? Why this birthday? Is she serious? Dozens of questions flooded my mind, and I couldn’t decide which to ask first. My mom watched me with a pained face. Of all the questions I could ask, I asked “How?”

message 27: by Kristen (new)

Kristen | 12 comments She was slow to respond. Finally, she said “The day you were born, your father left me something.” “Left you something.” She corrected. My eyes slid from her face to my own, personal miracle. The gift. The only thing he had ever left me. “I don’t know what it is, Allie. I promised not to open it.” She said quietly. I think she meant to calm me, but she did the exact opposite. Something my mom didn’t even know. I had to know. My fingers felt heavy and clumsy as I tore at the paper. My fingers hit something soft. Further tearing revealed a velvet jewelry box. I held my breath as I inspected it. I found a catch and clawed at it. Suddenly, it swung open. Inside was a golden chain with a beautiful orange gem. I reached out to touch it. Loud laughter from the T.V. startled me. I glanced up and saw that my mom was just as apprehensive as I was. I lowered my head and reached out for a second time. My hand grazed the orange gem and, I don’t know if I imagined it, but I swear it shuddered. I picked it up and held it up to the light. It sent hundreds of tiny orange beams in every direction.
A loud ding brought me back to the present. I glanced at the counter. Toast had sprung up from our very used toaster. I glanced at the clock above the beige couch and quickly got up saying “It’s already 6:30, I have to hurry!”

I walked slowly to meet Bruce. I hadn’t had time to dry my hair, so it hung limply, soaking my clothes. My buttered toast hung in my hand. I ate it slowly as I walked. I had decided to wear jeans and a light orange top that matched the gift. My mom’s gift had been a large volume of Sherlock Holmes I had wanted for over a year. However, my mind seemed cluttered and sluggish as I thought about my…dad’s gift. It didn’t help that a heavy fog covered everything.
A sharp bark startled me as I walked by the Renoe’s small house. A yellow Labrador sat outside on the dirty pavement. He looked exactly like the one from August on my calendar. Strange. I tossed him the last part of my toast as I walked by. I noticed he didn’t have a collar. Must be a stray I thought. Deck was good, and I’m sorry to say it wasn’t the last time he fooled me.
I almost walked by Bruce, but he stopped me with a cheerful “Happy Birthday!” I looked up, (Bruce is taller than most of our teachers) and saw that he held a small checkered box. He wore a black tank top and board shorts and I swear he is immune to cold. I looked at the present and noticed it wasn’t wrapped very well but I was touched to know that Bruce had tried. He handed it to me and I tore at the paper, eager to see the present. I found a small box with an ocean emblem on it. I pulled it open to see a gift card to Seaside Reads, my favorite bookstore. I read the small print on the card and discovered it was worth $30. I thanked him profusely as we walked towards 11th street. We were going to pick up the third musketeer.
Paige stood under the street sign. The heavy fog veiled her and it wasn’t hindering my view of her. I could also see the assortment of joggers, bikers, and other kids far down the bike path. Strange. She wore a pair of jeans and I could see a dark blue collar protruding from her heavy jacket.

message 28: by Kristen (new)

Kristen | 12 comments She didn’t seem to mind that we were late. She held a small misshapen present in her hand. It had a colorful pattern of birthday cakes and…presents, maybe? We closed the distance to her and she said a quiet happy birthday. She handed me the present as Bruce hummed a funeral march. I was about to hit him playfully on the arm, but Paige beat me to it. “Oh, right ...wrong song.” Bruce said feigning being forgetful. I always felt blessed that I didn’t hit Bruce. That might have been the end of his arm.
Bruce switched to the Happy Birthday song. I tore the paper and it fell away to revel a beautiful homemade bracelet. Paige is an awesome artist but she hated drawing attention to herself. In this case, she had taken a wooden bracelet and transformed it into a beautiful paneled bracelet with delicate illustrations on each panel. My breath caught and I heard Bruce gasp. “It’s amazing Paige!” I said once my breath had returned. Paige blushed and Bruce pointed up the sidewalk, reminding us we needed to get moving. I put the bracelet on my wrist and studied it in the dense fog with no trouble. Strange.
I heard a faint rustling behind us and whirled around. It stopped suddenly as I called out “Who’s there!” Bruce and Paige were on either side of me and both wore the same puzzled expression. What did you hear, Allie?” Bruce asked. “Didn’t you hear it? It was a kind of rustling.” I clarified. Bruce and Paige exchanged a glance and Paige said “We didn’t hear.” I was positive I had heard something, but it was kind of freaky that Paige and Bruce hadn’t heard anything. “Must’ve been a squirrel or something.” I said, not really believing it.
We turned around and started back towards school. We walked for half a block when I heard it again. I spun around and saw Mr. Danforth. Paige and Bruce turned and I noted that Bruce was sweating profusely. I guess he didn’t finish the English essay. I registered two surfers out on the beach and a bird fluttering up a tree. There was also a man yelling at his son for not cleaning his room. I processed this as quick as thought. Really Strange. I shook my head trying to focus. “Mr. Danforth, Hi!” I said, “You scared us!” I heard what Mr. Danforth said next, but I saw that Bruce and Paige hadn’t. That made it all the more scarier because Mr.Danforth had whispered to himself “Do we have to get her? She’s just a kid.” He had an odd look on his face, but suddenly I was looking down on it. He and the floor were falling away. No, I was going up! I felt faint and looked up. The sky rushed toward me. I really wish Kelsi would have given more warning. I really hate flying.

message 29: by Kristen (new)

Kristen | 12 comments Chapter 1 everybody! Sorry it took so long to post, I'm a procrasinater and I had a project due yesterday.

message 30: by Sarah, The Flying Monkey (last edited Mar 01, 2009 02:47PM) (new)

Sarah | 279 comments Mod
uh ya, u should continue! if u dont i will get alex's cardboard edward and superglue him 2 ur bedroom window! >:D *laughs evilly*

message 31: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
natasha and kristen, ill try to read ur stories when im less busy.

message 32: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod

message 33: by Sarah, The Flying Monkey (last edited Mar 01, 2009 05:15PM) (new)

Sarah | 279 comments Mod
well u were the 1 who put the poster there. and if u think thats terrible then u dont even want 2 know what i hav planned 4 ur b-day >:D

message 34: by Kaitie♥ (new)

Kaitie♥ (HoodiesGirl) | 82 comments Hi! I'm new :) I hope I'll like this group better than the "Writers" group! :)
This is a super short story ( I'm not really sure if I'd call it a story), but some feedback would be great!
Le Link-

message 35: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
k, will read it.
and Kaitie: of course your going to like this group better! :)
we have polls, book clubs, contests, games, etc.

message 36: by Trish (new)

Trish Great story Kaitie! You've definitely captured the sadness and desperation of the time.

message 37: by Kaitie♥ (new)

Kaitie♥ (HoodiesGirl) | 82 comments Oh Thanks!
I guess I just left cause thre wasn't much going on or I was just lazy....

message 38: by Kaitie♥ (new)

Kaitie♥ (HoodiesGirl) | 82 comments Can we do another story contest?...

message 39: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
ummmm ppl remind me to write! ive been so busy... so get on my case every once in a while (i know its a weird thing to ask, but...)

message 40: by Kaitie♥ (new)

Kaitie♥ (HoodiesGirl) | 82 comments Okay!

message 41: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
haha lol. thanks.

message 42: by Kaitie♥ (new)

Kaitie♥ (HoodiesGirl) | 82 comments :D No problem! :)

message 43: by Zandy (new)

Zandy | 173 comments Mod
Kaitie♥ wrote: "Can we do another story contest?..."

Kaitie♥ wrote: "Can we do another story contest?..."

yah, but wait a little bit. we just finished one
lets start the next one on april 10th, when the poll for the last one ends.

message 44: by Kaitie♥ (new)

Kaitie♥ (HoodiesGirl) | 82 comments Ohhhhhhhhhhh
Just curious, totally random, but did you guys hear about the virus that's supposedly going to know everyone's computer out tomorrow?

message 45: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
yeah buts its now tommrow and my comp hasnt crashed so i guess its not infected or they were just bluffing
the virus was supposed to be already out and this day would activate the "zombie" comps so that the hacker could use them remotely to do all kinds of stuff

message 46: by Trish (new)

Trish I didn't hear about that! Woah!

message 47: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod
google conficker.c to find out more

message 48: by Kaitie♥ (new)

Kaitie♥ (HoodiesGirl) | 82 comments Oh I heard of that too!

message 49: by Trish (new)

Trish I did see a headline on myyahoo this morning. It looks like the threat has passed.

message 50: by Olivia, everything in moderation :P (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) | 229 comments Mod

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