YA LGBT Books discussion
Author Info & Writing Discussion
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I could use a little help, please
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I like it - intriguing; I would definitely use two fonts, though, if his possessor is someone outside himself and not a split personality.You might add a couple of adjectives to the "real person" - right now it reads like "this is non-fiction". You could say "real, valuable" or some other phrase that makes the point you are aiming for.
Well, in the word file I typed the blurb up in. I have the You are mine indented in hopes of giving people the idea that this is someone else speaking (someone sinister) but Goodreads apparently hates extras spaces. lolWill have to think on your suggestion too. What words would go well to ensure ppl know it's a fiction book. ^^;;
Thanks, btw.
I wonder if maybe you said, "I am real" instead of "I am a real person"?"I am real" could mean non-fiction, but could also mean real in the context of the story, and to me it's more emphatic.
Oooo, Jo! That might work. Have another friend who gave me some suggestions to tweak so I'll have to rewrite and see how it sounds. ^^ Thanks.
I have something else I need an opinion on. A friend pointed out that she thought I should change my MC's name to Cyclops because that's the correct term for the mythical creature (He's not one though btw) She said some ppl might find it annoying, but I'm not sure it matters since it's his name. What do you think? Would you be annoyed by no S?
Patricia wrote: "I have something else I need an opinion on. A friend pointed out that she thought I should change my MC's name to Cyclops because that's the correct term for the mythical creature (He's not one tho..."I would leave it off - without the S it's an unusual name. With the S it carries all the baggage of the myth and you'll have to disentangle him from it. So even if he's missing an eye and the name is deliberate recognition of that, I'd leave it off.
Thanks, Kaje. My friend was the first person to actually notice the missing S and say something, so I figured that wasn't too big of a deal. My MC has 2 eyes, he just keeps one covered because his ability only works w/ two eyes. It's kinda like the eyes are the window to the soul only instead they are windows to the future. ^^
Patricia wrote: "Thanks, Kaje. My friend was the first person to actually notice the missing S and say something, so I figured that wasn't too big of a deal. My MC has 2 eyes, he just keeps one covered because his..."Cool idea - so the name is an acknowledgment of that, but still if it's got no other relationship to the myth I think you're better off the way you have it (If you get really paranoid you can put in a line about "sort of like the mythical Cyclops but..." to show it's deliberate.
You could alternatively use something like asterisks around the ominous character's lines to show it's a different speaker, especially if they're happening in his head. But a font change/italics and indent should be enough.
No, there's no relation to the myth at all. Pretty much he got the name because of a jerk. Guy kept calling him that and it was better than the other nicknames he was called so he chose it as his official name since he didn't really have a name given to him when he was born.
I actually like the blurb. The one thing I'm confused with though, do all the sentences that begin with "You", are those comments made by Cyclop? If so, it makes him sound like he has a split personality.
Penumbra wrote: "I actually like the blurb. The one thing I'm confused with though, do all the sentences that begin with "You", are those comments made by Cyclop? If so, it makes him sound like he has a split perso..."No, the you are mine comments are made by someone else. Maybe I should put them in quote marks then since italicized usually mean inner thoughts.
You could possibly leave spaces between the lines instead. Or leave three dots trailing after Cylop's comments, like he's been cut off talking by the other person.
I don't know much about the proper way to write a blurb, but if I saw this one, the book would be added to my to-read pile. =)
Jojobean wrote: "I don't know much about the proper way to write a blurb, but if I saw this one, the book would be added to my to-read pile. =)"\o/ WooHoo! Thanks =D Hopefully I can hire a cover artist for a cover, get it edited and published so you can.
Patricia wrote: "Jojobean wrote: "I don't know much about the proper way to write a blurb, but if I saw this one, the book would be added to my to-read pile. =)"\o/ WooHoo! Thanks =D Hopefully I can hire a cover ..."
Good luck - it has intrigued me; there are several good cover artists around who do commission work. I hope you find someone to make you something awesome.
Deviant art has lots of graphic artists and artists who work for commission. Also if you have a Live Journal account, there are some really good artists on there, especially in the Harry Potter fandom and they draw other art than HP.
I have someone who I plan to contact when it's time. Keary Taylor did the cover for my book, Being Human and Daniel A Kaine's Dawn of Darkness books. Plus, she's very affordable and I can get spines, backs and bookmarks done through her as well. I love her work too.
Patricia wrote: "I have someone who I plan to contact when it's time. Keary Taylor did the cover for my book, Being Human and Daniel A Kaine's Dawn of Darkness books. Plus, she's very affordable and I can get spine..."I loved those covers - great choice.
Kaje wrote: "I loved those covers - great choice. "I know, she does great work. Although, Daniel's getting pretty good himself. Might bug him to do the covers for my Path of Angels series. >.>
My name is Cyclop Blaine and I am a real person.
You are mine.
I am a real person: in the face of my childhood spent under the supervision of an old man I only know as Master.
You belong to me.
I am a real person: regardless of my teenage years bound by violence as the adoptive son of the Victory Street Gang's leader.
You will cower before me.
I am a real person: despite the visions I see in others' eyes. Snapshots of their futures.
You will obey me.
I am a real person: my life will be my own. I belong to no one.
You are MINE.
Also, if anyone has time and would like to read the story and give me their impression I won't complain. All I ask is if you can't do it in a timely manner (like taking over a month) please let me know.