Unsure about friend requests

[[deleted user]]

Can someone please tell me the etiquette of sensing friend requests. As a newbie here, I know very few people, but I'm a little hesitant to send friend requests :(

I'd really like to connect with others who share my reading interests but wanted a little advice on the the best way to go about it.

Is it better to try striking up conversations with people in various threads before sending requests, or is it okay to request people based on a mutual interest in a specific book genre?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance :)

[Jo]

In my opinion, it's best to interact with people in threads before sending them a friend request. I don't know if that's official etiquette, but personally, if I haven't either interacted with the person here on Goodreads or "met" them somewhere else (for example, hosted them on my blog or had them host me on their blog), I ignore the friend request.

[Byron]

I have to agree with Jo. I don't accept every request. I tend to think it's only polite to actually communicate with someone before you request a friendship..

But I can see the other side of this that it's hard to get to know people on the site if you can't see what sort of books they are into..

I don't think there is a 'formalised' etiquette - I always feel that it's what I see as polite.

[[deleted user]]

Thanks guys for your replies. I do tend to agree with you! It's very daunting as a newbie - especially when trying to engage in threads where people seem to know each other quite well.

A few people I've not spoken to before have sent me request, which I'm thankful for. I guess it just takes time :)

[Sammy Goode]

Graham wrote: "Thanks guys for your replies. I do tend to agree with you! It's very daunting as a newbie - especially when trying to engage in threads where people seem to know each other quite well.

A few peopl..."

Graham, I send a message--that place after you hit the friend button--says you can send a comment--I introduce myself there--I think I did it with you--yes?? Anyway--that way they know who I am and why I am asking for their friendship!! As a Mod--I get lots of friend requests--I respond to those who are on our thread--the YA positively every time--the others I check out. Because you (like I and others here) are also on the m/m thread--the more you post the more friend requests you will get!! Hope this helps--it is lovely to have you here!

[[deleted user]]

Thanks Sammy. yes, I think I know the message box you're talking about :)

I'm tying to involve myself more in the various threads in both groups. I love books, and I love connecting with others who share my passion. This is a wonderful site and I'm so glad I found it. It may take me a while to find my feet, but I'll get there xxx

[Sammy Goode]

Graham wrote: "Thanks Sammy. yes, I think I know the message box you're talking about :)

I'm tying to involve myself more in the various threads in both groups. I love books, and I love connecting with others w..."

I saw you on the In and Out thread over at m/m--can;t say more than that because we are on the YA but--that is a fun place to hang out--and Jerry over there is just a delight!! He would be a great friend option!

[[deleted user]]

Yes, I think I saw you there too. Quite a different place, but great fun from what I can tell. it's nice to have different groups to match the mood ;)

I've spent so much time reading through all the threads (and giggling like a hyena at some of the posts) that I sometimes forget to add my own thoughts. There seems to be some really big characters over there, who I'm sure I'll get to know a little better as time passes.

[Sammy Goode]

Graham wrote: "Yes, I think I saw you there too. Quite a different place, but great fun from what I can tell. it's nice to have different groups to match the mood ;)

I've spent so much time reading through all t..."

Yes--I am wimpy so I tread carefully over there--they are very--uhm---outspoken! :)

[[deleted user]]

LOL yes they are *smiles*

I think as time passes, I'll lose some of my shyness over there (although never completely).

Like my Momma always says - "shyness may be cute but it doesn't get you heard"

I enjoy both groups equally for different reasons, and I have to say that the people here at Goodreads are some of the friendliest I've met online in a very long time!

[Sammy Goode]

Graham wrote: "LOL yes they are *smiles*

I think as time passes, I'll lose some of my shyness over there (although never completely).

Like my Momma always says - "shyness may be cute but it doesn't get you hear..."

I really agree with you there--I got up early this morning to skype with an aussie and a kiwi--Brett and Rach--I have had more folks ask to skype with me here than anywhere else--it is really nice to connect beyond the words on the page! Yet there are some friends I have only ever written with and we manage to talk often via pm or private email!! I love it here--especially on the YA--there is a kindness--a caring that speaks to me here! And the wealth of good books--well as a bibliophile one can't ask for much more!!

[Kaje]

For me, I appreciate friend requests, because I'm pretty shy and I very rarely make requests of my own. I do a "compare books" on anyone who asks, but if they read m/m I pretty much say yes. If they only share my YA interests I send a PM first and make sure they're okay with what I read and write. If they don't PM back with an OK I delete the request. Anyone who has more than 500 friends I also PM first, because if they don't take the time to answer back I figure they're just collecting.

The few times I did make a request, when it wasn't one of those "why the hell didn't we do this weeks ago" things, I sent a message explaining why. I haven't ever been declined, so far.

I think if you have interests in common, most people are happy to make the connection. It allows you to comment on each other's profiles and so on.

[[deleted user]]

Kaje, I've sent a few requests, but mostly I've received them (which is great). I've found so many new authors to enjoy, solely from reviews and such like on friends updates!

I read the profiles of many members who post in the same threads as I do, to see if their reading interests are similar to mine. More often than not, they are - I'm just wary of sending a request to them just incase they think someone is stalking them!

It's a learning process I guess. I just don't understand why I feel so hesitant LOL

[Kaje]

Graham wrote: "Kaje, I've sent a few requests, but mostly I've received them (which is great). I've found so many new authors to enjoy, solely from reviews and such like on friends updates!

I read the profiles o..."

I know I'm hesitant both because that's my nature and because as a new author I've been hyper-sensitive about not looking pushy or overmarketing. And I do occasionally get a request from someone who is clearly just collecting friends (I got one with 2000+ friends - that doesn't look like personal interest.)

But I don't seek people out deliberately; interactions are easy to find here, and I've met most of my friends through conversations on the threads, and since I now have 195 friends after less than a year on GR, I don't think I had any need to accelerate the process.

[[deleted user]]

That's what I'm finding too Kaje - The more I interact on threads in various groups, I start recognizing names, and we chat just because we've done so before.

I think if I send any more requests, I'd like to think whoever I'm sending them to will at least recognize my name ;)

[Penumbra]

@Graham - sometimes I ask to friend someone because I like their reviews. Sometimes I friend people I don't know who ask to be friends and then I check out their profile to see if we have anything in common. Usually the people I friend are people I've had conversations with here on GRs. I also will pay more attention to someone who sends me a comment when they ask to friend and they give me a reason why they wish to friend me.

[[deleted user]]

Thanks for that Penumbra - Sometimes, joining a new site it can be a little daunting - especially when so many people appear so well acquainted.

I've joined a few more groups today. Ones that fit the specifics of my reading interests, which gives me a much wider choice of interesting discussions to join.

I'm still learning the ropes, but I'm slowly beginning to get the hang of things ;)

[Bror (Abrar)]

I'm a creeper i think , i add people based on their reviews on books i like and their shelves names . (if i don't already know them) .

[Kaje]

Ab2y wrote: "I'm a creeper i think , i add people based on their reviews on books i like and their shelves names . (if i don't already know them) ."


I get added by people who like my reviews sometimes. It's kind of flattering, I think, especially if they add a message that says what they liked. (I only hesitate if they liked my reviews for something non-fic or YA or historical, where they may be thrown off by all my M/M reviews; then I ask if they're sure first.)

[Penumbra]

Graham wrote: "Thanks for that Penumbra - Sometimes, joining a new site it can be a little daunting - especially when so many people appear so well acquainted.

I've joined a few more groups today. Ones that fit ..."

@Graham - Have you figured out yet how to check out what groups other people belong to through their profile? I've found a lot of nice groups by checking through profiles of people who have similar interests in books :)

[[deleted user]]

Oh, no I haven't!

But now you've mentioned it, I'll go take a peek :)

Thanks Penumbra

[Bror (Abrar)]

Kaje wrote: "Ab2y wrote: "I'm a creeper i think , i add people based on their reviews on books i like and their shelves names . (if i don't already know them) ."


I get added by people who like my reviews some..."

Ya some people just not very comfortable with M/M or LGBT themed books

[Kaje]

Ab2y wrote: "Kaje wrote: "Ab2y wrote: "I'm a creeper i think , i add people based on their reviews on books i like and their shelves names . (if i don't already know them) ."


I get added by people who like my..."

And if they are really young YA kids, I want to be a little careful; I do check birthdates, and if they're under 18 I get to know them first by sending them here. If they aren't OK chatting here they probably don't want my updates on their feed.

[Bror (Abrar)]

I hate it when people lock their profiles }:(

[Kaje]

Ab2y wrote: "I hate it when people lock their profiles }:("

For under 18's I think it is totally a smart move. We've had young kids getting inappropriate PMs from adults. Other people too, sometimes there are good reasons.

[Bror (Abrar)]

Kaje wrote: "Ab2y wrote: "I hate it when people lock their profiles }:("

For under 18's I think it is totally a smart move. We've had young kids getting inappropriate PMs from adults. Other people too, somet..."

Okay ,that's a good reason , but come on you can't send me a request when i don't know you and your profile is locked

[Kaje]

Ab2y wrote: "Kaje wrote: "Ab2y wrote: "I hate it when people lock their profiles }:("

For under 18's I think it is totally a smart move. We've had young kids getting inappropriate PMs from adults. Other peop..."

Oh, yeah - if someone with a locked profile sends me a request, as opposed to vice versa, I really need them to send a note of explanation with it. If not I would PM them before I would accept.

[Tam]

I rarely friend people, but if they friend me, as long as they have m/m books in common, then I accept them. Too often I get friend requests from someone who has not a single m/m book in amongst their 3000 books and they have 1500 friends. I figure they are collectors and they can do without me. But as long as you share my genre interests, I don't have to know you personally.

I'm not sure about locked profiles but you can do a "compare books" with anyone who sends you a request, that is usually sufficient since the details of your personal life don't concern me, just your book interests.

[Summer]

I talk to everyone, so when I get a friend request it is usually from someone I have chatted with before hand. I will say that when I do get request, I look at their bookshelves to see if we have anything in common. Personally, I have formed life long friendships with several people from GR. They have my cell number and home address, but they are people I write with so we talk all the time. Their friendships are immeasurable.

I think an important thing when befriending people on GR is to know when things aren't right once you've accepted them. You can't be afraid to speak up and delete them if you question their behavior. There have been a few incidents that have caused me to shy away from the groups I use to participate regularly in. Protect yourself as well as being open to amazing people is hard to do. I think it is a learning process. Good luck! I hope you find some really amazing people to chat and laugh with:)