R J Askew ~ One Swift Summer

[Marc]

just as long s she's not a mere muse...

[R.J.]

Marc wrote: "just as long s she's not a mere muse..."

No, she IS the story. That is the point. Stories walk into our lives and take us over, if we are lucky. There is absolutely nothing we can do to catch them. They choose us, if we are lucky.

[Vic]

Ron and The Million Dollar Poem are currently starring on my blog. Looky here:

http://vicsbigwalk.blogspot.fr/2012/0...

[Andrew]

Regrettably my girlfriend would be on hand to quickly punch the story to the ground and give it a good kicking into the bargain, but the image is an enchanting one!

[R.J.]

Andrew wrote: "Regrettably my girlfriend would be on hand to quickly punch the story to the ground and give it a good kicking into the bargain, but the image is an enchanting one!"

Ach, this is a serious problem ~ and I think it goes to the heart of a lot of things. Stories can be uncompromising. We often face conflicts when stories get in the way of our lives. A part of me says the story is all, that we live to write, that nothing else matters, that those around us must accept they are and always will be secondary to our servitude. The Story will take, take, take from us in its selfish greed to be. If we are possessed by a very powerful story, no mere mortal will ever be able to thwart it. The Story will always win. This is how it has to be. We are terrible human beings as we appear selfish in our obsession with words, but we have no choice as ~ if we ware lucky ~ we are possessed. Of course the worst of all situations is to imagine we are like this, possessed by the stories, when we are not. Ach, there may be an even worse worst situation, namely when a Beautiful Story comes knocking and the idiot writer denies it, tells it to go away! Ach! but how do we ever know? Stories are soooo fickle in their ways. They will be watching me type this now and taking note. I may be damaging my standing in their eyes. But we can't be lickspittles either. What story wld want to be written by a vaunting lickspittle? I will go and wait as patiently as I can and see if I am favoured. What else can we do? Screaming into our imagination: GIVE ME A STORY NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! will only produce false stories, the ones we are sent to silence our wild clamourings. Some may get 30 proper stories in their liftime, most of us will get none, or maybe just the odd graph or line of nothing. O how we fool ourselves!

[Andrew]

My quest to become the writer in residence at the Red Lion is also hampered by the fact that it's also the alehouse of choice for one Roger McGough...

I'm labouring with a couple of false stories at the moment, I suspect. I'm disengaging from the whole messy business and popping over to the clinical world of translation for a spell, while the stories fight it out amongst themselves!

[Marc]

I tend to eschew story. These days it is utterly subsumed in hyper-reality. So i content myself with focusing on the the nature of fiction's relationship with 'reality'

[R.J.]

Andrew wrote: "My quest to become the writer in residence at the Red Lion is also hampered by the fact that it's also the alehouse of choice for one Roger McGough...

I'm labouring with a couple of false stories ..."

It will probably be deep in some knotty translation that an armed and determined story will leap up from between the lines and ambush you! Which will be great of course! Good luck with the PAID WORK. It's great when we can actually get paid for fooling around with words. Psss, get 'em in Roger you mean, bar steward you.

[R.J.]

Sales? Any day now!

I am a heartbeat away from accosting anyone with a Kindle on the Jubilee Line. One more hour of intensive physical training will see me 'up for it.'

The advantage is that commuting Kindle kin will not be able to readily escape my pitch. But then nor will I be able to readily escape should their reaction prove unfavourable, nay abusive even, nay violent even.

Clearly this radical approach to marketing is rich in pitfalls.

Does one approach women and if so of what age? And guys? And how does one judge what someone might be reading from appearance alone. The problem with your Kindles from the desperae, direct marketer's viewpoint is that one simply does not know what one's quarry is actually reading.

Nooooo matter! In these trying times one must surely be bold. And there are NONE bolder than this LONDON VERSER. N O N E.

And so, dearest goodreaders, if you don't hear from me again this side of domesday you will know that I have been arrested and am pitching for sales among the cream of London's literary life in H.M.P, Pentonville.

[Marc]

Day 20 in the Big Bother Amazon House and I'm still displaying two brown lines that I haven't had off me since the start of the month... Beginning to ming a bit now

[Marc]

I've also considered doing the same thing on the very same Jubilee Line but have yet to pluck up the requisite Mother Courage ale. I would recommend you having some flyers about the book handy to augment the sale. I've got that far at least...

As to sizing up one's fellow commuters, I had a section in my novel about this, though they weren't being sized up for potential sales, but whether they might be couriering an explosive device...

[R.J.]

Marc wrote: "I've also considered doing the same thing on the very same Jubilee Line but have yet to pluck up the requisite Mother Courage ale. I would recommend you having some flyers about the book handy to a..."

I wld recommend getting arrested as, with good management, this wld generate a press story. It might require repeat offences, modelling onself on a certain guest at the Ecuadorian embassy. But, I asange you, the first person to get their mug on TV for persistent tube pitching to Kindle readers wld win a sales uplift the size of the planet Jupiter. Notoriety is everything in this world and only writers prepared to DWIT (do what it takes) for their stories will succeed. Common or garden talent is insufficient, in fact it is a positive handicap as the gifted genius (red squirrel) will always tend to be overwhelmed by the cunning huckster (grey squirrel) who knows how to build those mission critical 100-500 amazon reviews and galexy of stars needed to storm the amazon lists. Anyone selling on amazon who does not have a sniper's bead on those lists is wasting their life here. I include myself in this rapier-thrust analysis. There will be a couple of thousand people, superskilled at manipulating their online brands who will at this precise moment be nudging up those lists, clawing, scratching, gnawing, snat-ch-ch-ching, DWIT cubed, to gobble up with slavering jaws the flesh of the one just ahead of them .. to bite, draw blood, crunch bones, swallow whole the egos of others like they were shy and defenceless pigeon's eggs .. whatever, whatever, whatever it takes to get from 103 in the list to 102 to kill, kill, kill all before them to out their brilliance, [word redapted] all before them in their mania to be the one, the only one, to win. Isn't that it? 'It's all about winning, Ron,' I'm repeatdly told. And the one, the Ron at the very top, will look over her shoulder at the millions of would be authors -- boggarts all! -- a-writhing in the tar spit of perpetual nonentity ... and smirk inwardly as the dark shadow from her success steals all the light from those below. Said victor will then turn her face to the sun, and pyramids of love will built to her glory.

Alternatively, one can just have a larff at the nonsense of it all and ...

[ ~ LET THE RECORD SHOW YOUR ANTI-BRAND POET WAS DRAGGED OFF BY A PREENING PARAGON OF PERFECTION FOR BEING A NATTERING NABOB OF NEGATIVISM ~ ]

[Marc]

Interesting you opt for the red/grey squirrel pairing. I always plump for the Betamax/VHS dyad, perhaps cos I shelled out £140 for my parents' Betamax when they downgraded to VHS in order to protect my Birthday party & Joy Division videos in said format. I of course never plugged the machine in once to view one minute of any Betamax tapes...

I've mentioned to you before, I fantasise about having the time & space in prison to write unimpeded. Like Fydor himself...

I think those at the top of the charts just have more friends and family to sell to/review for them than shy retiring types like me...

[R.J.]

Marc wrote: "Interesting you opt for the red/grey squirrel pairing. I always plump for the Betamax/VHS dyad, perhaps cos I shelled out £140 for my parents' Betamax when they downgraded to VHS in order to prote..."

Well, I plan to do as many reviews as I can in the coming months. Studying the anatomy of others' stories is a joy, instructive, and gets us out of our own creative helter-skelters.

[Marc]

R.J. wrote: "Marc wrote: "Interesting you opt for the red/grey squirrel pairing. I always plump for the Betamax/VHS dyad, perhaps cos I shelled out £140 for my parents' Betamax when they downgraded to VHS in o..."

tongue... cheek...firmly

[R.J.]

Marc wrote: "Interesting you opt for the red/grey squirrel pairing. I always plump for the Betamax/VHS dyad, perhaps cos I shelled out £140 for my parents' Betamax when they downgraded to VHS in order to prote..."

About zeees prison fantasy, voood you care to lay down on zee couch and tell me more Mr. Nash ..

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

First name Ogden?

[Kath]

Favourite versifier of mine, Ogden Nash.

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

A Lady Who Thinks She Is Thirty
Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling step she takes,
Shuddering to the mirror.

Miranda in Miranda's sight
Is old and gray and dirty;
Twenty-nine she was last night;
This morning she is thirty.

Shining like the morning star,
Like the twilight shining,
Haunted by a calendar,
Miranda is a-pining.

Silly girl, silver girl,
Draw the mirror toward you;
Time who makes the years to whirl
Adorned as he adored you.

Time is timelessness for you;
Calendars for the human;
What's a year, or thirty, to
Loveliness made woman?

Oh, Night will not see thirty again,
Yet soft her wing, Miranda;
Pick up your glass and tell me, then--
How old is Spring, Miranda?


Ogden Nash

[Marc]

R.J. wrote: "Marc wrote: "Interesting you opt for the red/grey squirrel pairing. I always plump for the Betamax/VHS dyad, perhaps cos I shelled out £140 for my parents' Betamax when they downgraded to VHS in o..."

Done all that. Used to fall asleep for most of the hour and get charged an arm and a leg for the privilege.

[R.J.]

Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "A Lady Who Thinks She Is Thirty
Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling step she takes,
Shuddering to the mirror.

Miranda in Miranda's sight
Is old and gray and di..."


Hmm, I wonder if Miranda has a Kindle?

Agg! call the men in white coats! I'm pitching mad.

But does she, seriously, does she?

[MEN IN WHITE COATS CART CRAZED GOODREADER BACK TO THE CEDARS, PRIVATE CBT CENTRE OF RESTORATIVE EXCELLENCE]

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

I would guess not, as when Ogden wrote that Kindles didn't exist.

[R.J.]

Psssss, excuse me! Please tell.. EXCUSE ME! please tell Miss Miranda Kindle Kin that ..

[INJECTION HITS CRAZED GOODREADER'S HYPOCAMPUS. DREAMS OF MORRIS-DANCING RED SQUIRRELS BLUDGEONING.. AGGGH]

Never mind all that, I needs a sale! Hey, pretty Miss Miranda Powem-of-the-year-girl in the kiss-me-real-slooow hat. You do have a Kindle, right? I know you does. Every dirty-thirty girl has a Kindle, right? Or how else wld she read 50,000 Shades of Grey without her mom knowing.

MOM HERE: You are not putting your filth on my darling daghhter, Miranda The Poem Girl's Kindle before I have read 5,000,000 SOG first! Got me, diving boy?

[BIFF! MIRANDA THE POEM GIRL'S MOM KICKS PITCHING POET IN A PLACE WHERE..]

HOOOOOOOOOW-OWW!-OWW!-OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL!

[PITCHING POET SWOONS, NEVER TO PITCH N PUT AGAIN]

Wheras deep in the purple lizard controller's diseased mind a screen f-f-flashed to show that the Jubilee Line was offering a GUUUUUUD SERVICE all the way to Theydon Bois n back on a need-to-know basis.

[Marc]

Race you to the next sale. Since I haven't sold one yet via Goodreads, I'm laying the bet by backing you...

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

Alarm! Alarm! Mad author on the loose! Send out the dogs...

[R.J.]

Marc wrote: "Race you to the next sale. Since I haven't sold one yet via Goodreads, I'm laying the bet by backing you..."

Erm, what if I buys one of yours to win the bet? If we bet say £2.. I was rather taken with the kebab shop flash opener. I imagined you performing it IN the shop! Is that a Kebab carver's blade I see before mine eyes?

[R.J.]

Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "Alarm! Alarm! Mad author on the loose! Send out the dogs..."

WOOF! GERRRRRRRR-WOOFWOOF! (four tight syllables)

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

I think we need wolves for this one!

[Vanessa (aka Dumbo)]

R.J. wrote: "Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "Alarm! Alarm! Mad author on the loose! Send out the dogs..."

WOOF! GERRRRRRRR-WOOFWOOF! (four tight syllables)"

I think he just wants his tummy tickled...don't you boy?

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

See if you can calm him down Vanessa, otherwise its the padded cell again.

[Vanessa (aka Dumbo)]

Come on R.J. come to Vanessa...

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

Here,try a Scooby Snack

[R.J.]

Vanessa wrote: "R.J. wrote: "Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "Alarm! Alarm! Mad author on the loose! Send out the dogs..."

WOOF! GERRRRRRRR-WOOFWOOF! (four tight syllables)"

I think he just wants his tummy ti..."


r-r-rrrrr-rrrrrrrrr WOOOOOOF!

*stands on hind legs licks face with slavery devotion*

[R.J.]

(The lengths an eccentric English gentleman poet will do to please his public! Perhaps I will take to wearing a full on dalmation body suit -- along with whipsaw tail -- next time I perform in public. The serious folk at the Poetry Cafe might not take kindly to this though. The risk of being taken to the vet to have my stanza's docked must be high.)

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

Just pretend to be Scooby Doo, and everyone will love you. Apart from the villians whose plans you have just wrecked.

[Marc]

R.J. wrote: "Marc wrote: "Race you to the next sale. Since I haven't sold one yet via Goodreads, I'm laying the bet by backing you..."

Erm, what if I buys one of yours to win the bet? If we bet say £2.. I was ..."

not sure that's one I've ever performed live, can't remember. Sadly the shop it's based on has been taken over & changed into a café after being there for years & surviving all manner of assaults upon its survival...

[Marc]

R.J. wrote: "Vanessa wrote: "R.J. wrote: "Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "Alarm! Alarm! Mad author on the loose! Send out the dogs..."

WOOF! GERRRRRRRR-WOOFWOOF! (four tight syllables)"

I think he just wa..."

you can't say *licks face with slavish devotion* to Vanessa, she'll run riot with it...

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

Vanessa must have used up her last one...

[Vanessa (aka Dumbo)]

Please don't mention licking in my earshot you'll make me go all funny... ;0)

[Vanessa (aka Dumbo)]

Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "Vanessa must have used up her last one..."

What have I used up?

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

Devoted slave. But did you have to leave him in the dungeon?

[Vanessa (aka Dumbo)]

Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "Devoted slave. But did you have to leave him in the dungeon?"

Who's that then..I don't remember having a slave?

[R.J.]

Vanessa wrote: "Gingerlily (or Cyberlily..) wrote: "Devoted slave. But did you have to leave him in the dungeon?"

Who's that then..I don't remember having a slave?"

You see that's the thing about being a slave, you just never get ANY recognition. Slave, slave, slave all day and they don't even know you exist.

*stamps foot and refuses to run mistress her bath*

[Vanessa (aka Dumbo)]

R.J. HEEL....I'll have my bath later!

[R.J.]

Marc wrote: "R.J. wrote: "Marc wrote: "Race you to the next sale. Since I haven't sold one yet via Goodreads, I'm laying the bet by backing you..."

Erm, what if I buys one of yours to win the bet? If we bet sa..."

Maybe the cafe wld like to know what was there before they were. Phps you cld offer to perform there (for a free latte). It migght generate them some biz. And the new customers might not try and murder you.

[Marc]

I don't drink coffee... or tea... or alcohol... Asking for a glass of tap water doesn't a) chime with performance houses with bars and b) seem very 'artistely'

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

Hot chocolate?

[R.J.]

Marc wrote: "I don't drink coffee... or tea... or alcohol... Asking for a glass of tap water doesn't a) chime with performance houses with bars and b) seem very 'artistely'"

Hmm, well I commend you on you iron man abstinance and agree it may set you apart from the hosts and patrons but that should not matter too much. And there is nothing worse than a performer who is in their cups.

[R.J.]

Vanessa wrote: "R.J. HEEL....I'll have my bath later!"

Nah, I'm on strike now! That bath of yours is soooo big. And as for warming up all that milk!

[Vanessa (aka Dumbo)]

R.J. Right slave I'm going to show you mercy...I'll let you use bottled milk so you don't have to milk the ass...can't say fairer than that...