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Need pointers on my blurb
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J.M., I had the same problems with blurbs when I started out. What I have learned is this: blurbs are designed to go on the back of your book jacket to draw immediate attention, thus have to be short. Yours is too long. Shorten it, but with all the attention-grabbing jazz you can give it!
Hi JM, and congrats on getting ready to jump in with your book. I think MY INDIAN QUEEN has an interesting premise and I wonder what happens.
I have to agree with Gerald in that it's too long, and I had problems with my back cover copy too. How do you condense such a great story into three paragraphs that hit the most important points of the work? Lure readers in?
Try clipping some of the second paragraph. One thing that worked for me was to analyze the structure of other back covers from books I loved. That seemed to help me more than anything.
Good luck!
Paula
As a reader and review blogger, I would agree your blurb is too long. I'm drawn to one or two paragraph blurbs. Your blurb sounds interesting, but without reading the last sentence, I would assume the story is only about the one summer, certainly not over a ten year period.
One last thing I would suggest is not to include the title in the blurb itself. That always strikes me as odd.
I agree. I think you could lose that last paragraph. It sounds interesting!
Hrm. I liked it. It certainly compelled me to keep reading until the end. The length was fine for me - it ends up being about 179 words, which seems appropriate.I do agree with Sarah though. When I read through it, the blurb gives the impression that the novella covers the summer of their meeting.
You can cut that last paragraph without losing anything, and by doing that, you end on a good note (With questions that interest the reader).
Also, I would just like to note that I have nightmares about blurbs trying to eat me. Hopefully it's not just me. :p
Your Blurb:Man, this part really needs help. Write a new one. Here is a quick and easy template to follow: Yes folks will say that it is "trite," or whatever, but it DOES work, as in people WILL read it, and getting them "hooked" on your book with your blurb is step ONE in getting them to click the "BUY NOW" button.
(Actually, it is step two, after your cover gets them to read your blurb.)
Here is a very effective formula for writing blurbs:
Space down one in the text box. This moves the blurb slightly away from the "Product Description" header. It's a cleaner look.
One intro line: (I put this line in italics).
Five lines of text, double-spaced. (Four lines works too).
One outro line. Like this:
The gripping story of one man's struggle to save his tortilla stand.
Tortillas were all Juan Rodriquez knew, and all he loved.
Now the ruthless thugs of Del Monte Foods want to kill his dream.
How far will Juan go to protect what is his?
A story filled with passion, drama, and even . . . murder.
The Burrito Stand of Death is the exciting debut novel by Alan Smithee
See? Easy-peesy!
Good luck with your project!
http://www.johndavidauthor.com/Editin...
The Burrito Stand of Death??? ROFLMAO! I would read that just for the title, not blurb needed.The reason blurbs are tough is because a lot of authors try to do a "summary" of the book instead of, essentially, an advertisement.
The blurb should entice and encapsulate the basic elements of your story. If it isn't selling and has excessive exposition, it needs more work. It should give you a taste of what the book has to offer but without giving away too much.Based on your original blurb, I would write something like this:
Ryan Harper lives in a white bread neighbourhood in a white bread town. His life is dull and unexciting until an exotic and mysterious Indian girl moves in next door. He is mesmerised by her at first glance and cannot help the growing feelings and desires that build up within him during their time together over Summer.
Will their friendship withstand his secret crush or will tragedy and discrimination tear them apart? Will Ryan's life ever be the same again now that he has met his Indian Queen?
Just remember that once your story is 100% finished, you're about half-way there! Now comes the editing and tweaking which is an arduous process.
Wow, thanks so much for the input, everyone! You've been very helpful.I uploaded the novella to Smashwords yesterday (hurray!), though I'll still have at least a week to toy with the blurb before it hits Amazon, B&N, etc.
The link is here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
(If you're interested in downloading, use coupon EU66F to get it for $.99! :-)
Here's the pseudo-finished blurb I have up:
Ryan Harper grew up in a white bread neighborhood in the American South. The summer he turns 18 and prepares to leave for college, his world is turned upside down by the arrival of a new neighbor...an exotic firecracker of a girl, all the way from India. Her name is Cassie, and she’s as fierce as she is beautiful, with the vocabulary of a sailor and the moves of a kung fu master. Over the course of their summer together, Ryan finds himself hopelessly drawn into her colorful world...a world more exciting and vivid than he ever dared dream.
As summer wanes into fall, how will he cope with his growing feelings for her? Will their friendship stand the test of time, or will tragedy and discrimination force them to relinquish each other to the memories of "that summer"?
As you can see, I went with your suggestions and shortened it.
Here's the quandary I'm left with now: The story begins in present day (2012), where the tiniest of events causes our protagonist to reflect on the summer with his "Indian Queen." 90% of the story takes place over the course of that summer as a flashback, with the remaining 10% (at the beginning and end) in present day.
Should I re-write my blurb to reflect this? Something along the lines of: "Ryan Harper can't forget the summer he turned 18...the summer he met Cassie, his exotic Indian queen"?
What do you think?
Thanks again for all your suggestions!
I mean this in the nicest possible way. I have written many successful blurbs, for my own work, and for that of others. It is hard to distance yourself from your own work at this point, I know, but it is absolutely necessary.
So do so.
It kinda seems as though you're not really listening . . . so why ask for more advice?
Reread the last 10 posts that you have already received.
The blurb is not a summary, etc, etc, etc . . .
I would just go with that one sentence. It pretty much says everything the reader needs to know IMO.
It kinda seems as though you're not really listening . . . so why ask for more advice?Reread the last 10 posts that you have already received.
The blurb is not a summary, etc, etc, etc . . .
Hello John, I have taken the advice here and on the KDP forums to heart. I did remove the last paragraph, and combined the introductory line with the second paragraph, overall shortening it (which was the most prevalent advice given). I did receive positive feedback on the second paragraph, so I didn't think it needed to be altered.
I understand the blurb shouldn't be a summary of the whole book, but shouldn't it at least give an idea of what happens? There are other facets/side stories I've left out, but I've tried to give the reader a taste of what happens.
I liked the example you gave with your tortilla stand; however, the tone is more appropriate for a fast-paced read, whereas I felt my blurb set the tone for the story (descriptive, laidback).
I will keep working on it....
J.M. I think that sentence you gave does convey a lot of information:"Can't forget" means it's probably a flashback
"Excotic Indian Queen" covers the fact they are from two different worlds and the whole mysterious girl angle
"Summer he turned 18" means YA type romance
The only important thing missing from your original long blurb is the "tragedy," but I'm not sure it's needed to tell me what kind of book it is. If you feel it's crucial, by all means try to work it in.
I'm just talking my reaction as a reader. There are writers here who may have a diferent take.
Good luck!
My assessment of your book is basically some guy in a boring town has a mysterious and interesting girl move in. I would leave the duration of their relationship out (Summer) and focus on some non-specific aspect (mesmerising eyes/scent) that makes her enticing. I'd leave her name out and I would hint at tragedy without spelling it out.Basics of blurb should be:
* Staging (what it's about) and Lure (why you should read it, which should include some sort of turmoil) *
The one thing it should not have is the basic storyline (boy meets girl, boy/they fall in love, girl leaves boy) - that's no fun.
Look at your blurb and cull it mercilessly :)
This is absolutely amazing advice. I am kicking my butt realizing how little thought I gave to the promotional aspect of my book.
I guess the important thing in life is not to be right, but to learn when you are wrong, and don't stay wrong.
J.M. - I like the revised version. I don't think you need to really sneak in the flashback aspect of it. One thing I did realize is that you should spell out the number eighteen rather than using the numerals.Each genre is going to handle blurbs slightly differently. You may want to check around in your genre on Smashwords and Amazon to see how other people wrote theirs. You can get a good idea of what does and doesn't work that way.
Good luck!
For some reason, I'm having the most difficult time writing my blurb. For me, it's harder than writing the story itself!
Here's what I have so far. Though I don't feel it's perfect, I don't think it's terrible. I would really appreciate your feedback and pointers.
Here we go:
Ryan Harper grew up in a small town in Georgia, where his friends and neighbors are as “white bread” as they come.
The summer he turns 18 and prepares to leave for college, his world is turned upside down by the arrival of a new neighbor…an exotic firecracker of a girl, all the way from India. Her name is Cassie, and she’s as fierce as she is beautiful, with the vocabulary of a sailor and the moves of a kung fu master. Over the course of their summer together, Ryan finds himself hopelessly drawn into her colorful world—a world more exciting and vivid than he ever dared dream.
As summer wanes into fall, how will he cope with his growing feelings toward her? Will their friendship stand the test of time, or will tragedy and discrimination force them to relinquish each other to the memories of “that summer”?
“My Indian Queen” follows Ryan and Cassie over the course of their summer and the next ten years to come, as their lives are shaped in unexpected and cataclysmic ways.