Jane Austen discussion
Who is the 21st Century Janeite?
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And they lived happily ever after.... Is this possible?
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Sophie
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May 07, 2014 08:45AM
Thank you all for your input! I completely understand life is not an Austen novel and I also completely understand that the happily ever after 1. Is only the beginning of the story and 2. Takes work on both sides! I can't wait to marry and work to having a very happy marriage! I do have an open mind but I do have high expectations ...
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yes ! you must have high expectations .. i mean some people try to be moralist and say that looks doesnt matter at all and love begins after marriage .. but i think this just blah blah .. every girl wants to have an intersting story , to be loved and to love ,i have put that in order,cuz as jane austen said :' no young lady can be justified in falling in love before the gentelmen's love is declared ' (I know that cant be hepled sometimes ) . and looks do matter ,all of austen hero were ,if not handsome ,attractive
Thanks Dia! I will keep my high expectations :) and Jane Austen knew about relationship and how they work and I couldn't marry without love, even if someone told me the love would come after the marriage. And I think you do have to be at least a little attracted to your partner, then you can get to know them and their character more.
I'm no longer Marianne's age dreaming of true love. I'm more of an Elinor now. I'm practical and I know that the Austen heroes are fiction. They exist in the hearts and minds of those who read the books. Were Jane Austen's brothers the exact models for the heroes? No. Did she ever find her Mr. Darcy? No. Does that mean there's no such thing as happily ever after? No, but you have to have your head in reality and not in the fantasy fictional world. This is the message in Austenland. I think a true happy marriage takes work.
I'm coming to this thread because my dad was just talking to my sister about "marrying outside your class." I told him to go read a Jane Austen novel. He asked if they live happily ever after and I said yes I assume so from what we're told. He insisted cross-class marriages don't work. I pointed out that they don't work when it's done Downton Abbey style with the young rich girl running off with the chauffeur who can't support her in the style she's accustomed to but I think it can work in today's society of both partners are willing to work at it.
Yes although I have my unrealistic fantasises I do know what real life is and that it is not fiction. And I am looking forward to being able to make a marriage work! I know it doesn't just "happen". Unfortunately, while I am getting to be more realistic I do have Marianne-like tendencies and am a bit of an 18 year old hopeless romantic ;)
I've always thought that part of the problem is not that romantics have unrealistic expectations, but that when people ask 'what are you looking for' what are you going to say but your ideal qualities? It's easier to say 'Mr Darcy', the point is we can't describe the exact man we want (unless we've already met him and then it's a bit of a giveaway). So we pick someone that embodies certain ideals, it doesn't mean that we expect to find exactly that... though of course anyone who has read the book knows that he's not perfect, the heroine just has to be able to live with his particular faults.I couldn't imagine loving someone that I felt wasn't honourable, but does he have to be my image of the handsome man, be incredibly rich and impeccably dressed? Of course not, (though I assume the cravat is negotiable ;) )
Qnpoorbear, don't hate me but the only message I got from Austenland is that if you're a secret Colin Firth addict you'll end up as a cougar paying men to pretend they're in love with you.
No one is perfect so faults have to be liveable with. And he has to live with my faults as well! I hope the cravat is negotiable ;)
Rather late to the discussion (or perhaps "fashionably" late) but: it's possible alright. Though in my whole life I've only seen two couples that would be what I consider an Austen-esque match. And they were and are a joy to know. So perhaps rare but they exist! :-)
Moreover, it was their lives after marriage that really shines. So like others have mentioned, it's what is after the happily ever after that is most important.
And don't knock cravats. Some of them are much better than the drivel that pass for ties these days.... :-) :-)
Moreover, it was their lives after marriage that really shines. So like others have mentioned, it's what is after the happily ever after that is most important.
And don't knock cravats. Some of them are much better than the drivel that pass for ties these days.... :-) :-)
The part I am looking forward to it the life after marriage! :)
I'm sorry I missed the discussion. As always, Austen is so thought provoking!I find that not all women are attracted or want Austen like heroes. I think it's mostly women who don't particularly enjoy being 21st century women, I guess that in our hearts we secretely wish we were born in a different time :)
What strikes me is that we come from some very different backgrounds. Austen who wrote in Regency England appeals to post-modern women who are Indians, English, Russians, Algerians...
I guess that we all yearn for a certain kind of marriage/relationship that is based on chivalry and manners that are beginning to disappear in certain societies more than others nowadays: we want to receive the kind of love letter that Captain Wentworth sent to Anne. We want someone to understand our weaknesses and be patient with us like Colonel Brandon was. We want someone to step in and take charge when we feel helpless like Darcy did. We want someone bound by honor to do the right thing even if it meant being unhappy just because he's responsible like Edward Ferrars was.
Is there something wrong with that? God, NO! However, what we fail to do is look closely inside us and see how much of the Austen like heroines do we possess. The Austen couples are very well matched even though they are not flawless.
The 21st century woman has a lot of thinking to do as to what she wants to be, and what qualities are better to have regardless of the society's expections. I mean, men (vast majority) stopped to stand up when we leave the table or walk into the room when we started to insist on paying the bill or share the date's expense.
Well said! And I agree - I certainly wish I was born in a different time! At least , not in this modern time! There is definitely an appeal about the type of relationships and marriages the couples have rather than it just being the hero we want. The are not perfect but they are each perfect for each other. That is why the matches are so appealing - well that is what I am looking for, my perfect match, not a perfect man!
I actually had a friend tell me that I was born in the wrong country and the wrong time period. Meaning I should have been born in the Regency era in England. Gladly as long as I was not a servant.
I have been told that MANY times - again, so long as I was higher up in society!
Ye olde: "you should have been born in another century!" :-D
Yeah, I get that a lot myself. Which is extra funny in my case given how much I work with technology. :-D
Yeah, I get that a lot myself. Which is extra funny in my case given how much I work with technology. :-D
Hahaha. I am and will always be an old fashioned girl :)
I also hear that comment about fitting better in the 19th century! But I suspect I would have been shivering in some filthy hovel in that time.
Wouldn't it be great if we could all somehow get to a place with 19th century-like manners, etiquette, and style... while having the modern conveniences and technology we have now?
I can dream anyway... ;-)
I can dream anyway... ;-)
I can just see everybody taking selfies of themselves at the 'Assembly' ball lol
Evie wrote: "Soph wrote: "I would want to live there...!!"We should though.. I mean have a place where Janeites can meet and stay in accomodation to experiance what it was like back then"
Read Austenland and Definitely Not Mr. Darcy to see how THAT business idea works out.
Hi, piping up late to this discussion. That's a hard question. I mean, we could argue that since Jane never married that not even she found her Mr. Darcy. But, in all reality, saying that is an injustice to her writing. I don't think Jane was trying to create the unattainable man in her novel. I think she was trying to demonstrate a healthy relationship in a time when many were marrying for social convenience.
After all, the relationship between Lizzy and Mr. Darcy is what we're all looking for--not necessarily Mr. Darcy. He protects her, he sacrifices for her, he puts her needs above his own...but he still has the weaknesses of a real man. He's shy; he's prideful; in a way he's a snob; his personality is a bit on the serious side...but still we love him. Why? Because his core is good and we see all aspects of him.
Jane Austen was queen of characterization. I think what she basically did was allowed us to get to know a good man. And to know a good man is to love him -- which is the relationship we all want (if even subconsciously).
@Stephanie
Well said. Though I approach it from the other angle. Austen introduces us to a series of really good women. :-)
Well said. Though I approach it from the other angle. Austen introduces us to a series of really good women. :-)
Also true Valshar. I completely agree--Jane Austen introduces us to a series of really good women in fiction...and in life :-D
Jane Austen
Books mentioned in this topic
Austenland (other topics)Definitely Not Mr. Darcy (other topics)
Austenland (other topics)
