Ancient & Medieval Historical Fiction discussion
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Did you wear one of your fancy hats? :-)
Yes, I'd like to know too. Glad you had fun!
You would think so but the fancy hats get in the way of other peoples view so I don't wear them to theaters. It's a pity because where else would I wear them. :)
Someone mentioned tea? *looks around hopefully*
Margaret wrote: "Someone mentioned tea? *looks around hopefully*"Margaret! Where have you been? (And don't say "I've been to London to visit the Queen).
Only yesterday I was thinking about sending you a message to check up on you. :D
Terri wrote: "Margaret wrote: "Someone mentioned tea? *looks around hopefully*"Margaret! Where have you been? (And don't say "I've been to London to visit the Queen).
Only yesterday I was thinking about sendi..."
My mom's nursing home is closing. I took Friday off work for a series of meetings trying to arrange somewhere else for her to live. Saturday I had to do all my domestic stuff...and I spent yesterday with mom trying to make her feel better about a new home. I won't be around tomorrow either. More meetings re new home. I am continually thankful that I have an awesome boss who understands and is letting me have personal leave to deal with it all.
How's your Mum handling the transition?
She's accepted it. Thank goodness. Some of the other residents haven't. Which is so sad. The place she is in everyone is so close, including the staff. But the senior carer tells me that the place I am going to see tomorrow is a lot like theirs. Same warmth and friendliness. It's so hard for mom, though. It's her birthday this week. Cake and presents when she could be leaving as earlier as this weekend.
Tasha wrote: "Aw, that's tough. Good luck."Thanks Tasha.
Back from ANOTHER game in Oregon. Took my 19 year-old daughter with me so she could see how much fun her Dad has working. At game time it was 40 degrees F. and raining. She has cancelled the rest of her trips!!
She didn't like getting soaked and then freezing?! ;)
Margaret wrote: "She's accepted it. Thank goodness. Some of the other residents haven't. Which is so sad. The place she is in everyone is so close, including the staff. But the senior carer tells me that the p..."That is tough, Margaret. I am really sorry you and your Mum are having this upheaval. I have my fingers crossed that she meets new friends straight away in the new place.
Bobby wrote: "Back from ANOTHER game in Oregon. Took my 19 year-old daughter with me so she could see how much fun her Dad has working. At game time it was 40 degrees F. and raining. She has cancelled the rest o..."I'll have some of that rain thanks. :(
Terri wrote: "Margaret wrote: "She's accepted it. Thank goodness. Some of the other residents haven't. Which is so sad. The place she is in everyone is so close, including the staff. But the senior carer te..."Thanks Terri. :)
Have arranged a new home for mom. Paperwork is now in progress. Hoping they can sort it out before I go away on a week's vacation.
Good news. Does your Mum think she'll like the place?
Terri wrote: "Good news. Does your Mum think she'll like the place?"I gave her the list of the new place's activities for October. Suddenly she was VERY keen on the place. LOL. They do a bus trip every week, have a movie every afternoon. Something happening all the time. :)
That sounds lovely.:-)
Margaret wrote: "Have arranged a new home for mom. Paperwork is now in progress. Hoping they can sort it out before I go away on a week's vacation."Good luck and I hope all works out. We are getting to the point with my Father-in-law that he will have to go to some sort of assisted living. He is fighting it tooth and nail though
happy wrote: "Margaret wrote: "Have arranged a new home for mom. Paperwork is now in progress. Hoping they can sort it out before I go away on a week's vacation."Good luck and I hope all works out. We are g..."
Thats got to be the hard part...going against their wishes even when you know its right!! My Mom is 82 and we know its only a matter of time when we will have to make some hard decisions for her.
I can understand why he would, happy. It is so tough with our older generation that they can't stay at home in their twilight sometimes.If money is no object for people, then one can pay to have a fulltime carer live in. But you have to be prepared to find the finances to pay a fulltime wage for that person to be there, and I think it is hard to find a reliable and well trained individual who will live in.
I plan on having my parents live with us when they are of an age where they can't take care of themselves as well. But I understand that there are elderly who need fulltime medical care or observation and I cannot provide that.
Bobby wrote: ...Thats got to be the hard part...going against their wishes even when you know its right!! My Mom is 82 and we know its only a matter of time when we will have to make some hard decisions for her. "
Yeah it is,
He is 84 and his memory is fading, he really shouldn't be driving, the house is way too big for him to take care of, etc. Plus he is extreamly lonely since Mom passed.
Terri wrote: "I can understand why he would, happy. It is so tough with our older generation that they can't stay at home in their twilight sometimes.If money is no object for people, then one can pay to have a..."
And family can't do it forever. My sister and I kept mom at home for 8 years - and we both nearly lost our sanity in the process.
The problem with my Mom is someone telling her what to do and when and where!! Assisted living will be an only option or move in with us, which is the route we are leaning towards.
happy wrote: "Margaret wrote: "Have arranged a new home for mom. Paperwork is now in progress. Hoping they can sort it out before I go away on a week's vacation."Good luck and I hope all works out. We are g..."
Can you get him into a respite care for a week or two? It gives everyone a break and he will probably find he really likes the company & will stop fighting so hard.
The REALLY scary part is I'm not that far behind chronologically...me mum was only 17 when I was born!! Yikes!!!
The rate life is whipping us all by, we are all only a hop, step and a jump away.I don't have kids (although having kids doesn't guarantee that you'll have people in your life who'll give a rats arse about you when you are old), So if I live to that age I'll be checking MYSELF into care. I think it will be nice to have someone wait hand and foot on me. :) LOL!
Margaret wrote: "Terri wrote: "I can understand why he would, happy. It is so tough with our older generation that they can't stay at home in their twilight sometimes.If money is no object for people, then one can..."
My Daughter and SIL lived with him for a couple of years after they moved back to Utah - he about drove her crazy.
The thing is, he was in a rehab facility a year or so ago and he loved it. The place has an assisted living wing and we tried to talk him into staying then. IF he hadn't had to move his room, I think he would have stayed. (pound head against wall)
Luckily he has a really good retirement - so money shouldn't be a problem.
happy wrote: " IF he hadn't had to move his room, I think he would have stayed. (pound head against wall) ........."Oh gosh, mate, that sounds bloody frustrating. :-)
Luckily he has a really good retirement - so money shouldn't be a problem. Have you considered a fulltime caregiver? My mother spent her last year and a half in bed, and she refused completely to go to a facility. She organized herself for her care, with the result that we had for a time a full fledged circus running - but she wanted to stay at home, and that way she could.
I have to say, though, that in Italy well organized facilities of this kind are really expensive, so usually it isn't the easier choice anyway.
Good luck, and keep holding on. It's a very difficult part of everyone life.
We've broached the subject and got shot down quicklyEdit,
When Mom was in her final stages (her last 2 mths or so) we had someone there almost full time - He hated it and won't even consider it now.
Terri wrote: "happy wrote: " IF he hadn't had to move his room, I think he would have stayed. (pound head against wall) ........."Oh gosh, mate, that sounds bloody frustrating. :-)"
The older they get the more frustrating they get. Mom is now refusing to go to the hostel I selected. She wants to go to one a couple of her friends are going to. So now I've got to try and get to see the new hostel and hope they still have a place available! :(
Margaret, you will be doing a great thing for her, even if it will be a sore nuisance for you. With her friends, she'll feel less alone, and she'll accept it all better.Believe me when I say you'll miss her someday and you'll be happy to have bothered.
Simona wrote: "Margaret, you will be doing a great thing for her, even if it will be a sore nuisance for you. With her friends, she'll feel less alone, and she'll accept it all better.Believe me when I say you'l..."
She's currently in a hostel, Simona, but they have gone broke and have to close. :( Trying to find one that measures up is proving to be really hard.
I understand, and please forgive me if I sound patronizing, that's not my intention. I remember from my personal, similar struggle that it seemed a neverending time, but it does finish; and it takes a bit to recuperate the tiredness and start to feel the void. But it also comes.I'm sure you are a wonderful person, I, on the contrary, find myself wishing I hadn't lost my patience sometimes. Hence this small piece of clumsy wisdom. Good luck, sincerely.
Margaret wrote: The older they get the more frustrating they get. Mom is now refusing to go to the hostel I selected. She wants to go to one a couple of her friends are going to. So now I've got to try and get to see the new hostel and hope they still have a place available) .........""
The older th..."
Been there - you have my sympathy. Good luck!
Margaret,Good luck. I think when we all are that age, we would all happily go to a lesser quality hostel if it meant staying together with friends.
As Simona says, it will be a pain in the bum,especially after all the work you have put into finding the other one for her and talking her around to it, but you are doing the right thing. It will make both of you happy I hope. :)
Keep your chin up, mate.
Okay. Went and saw another place. Rooms are huge compared to even where she is now....with huge private bathroom. Paperwork is underway. Mom shifts on Thursday. :)
Terrific! Oh that's terrific. :DShe stays with friends (this is the place her friends are going?) and gets better accommodations as well. Congrats Margaret. :)
Yes, congrats Margaret!My mom (who is just 72 but who's husband is 85) just moved into a HUGE facility for the eldery and LOVES it. They have things going on constantly, on site medical clinics and just so many great things. I am fortunate that I will never have to worry about my mom now because she can stay here as long as SHE wants. Her husband really is the one that needed the place but she knows she will one day too, so she made sure she got herself settled in too.
They have a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment and she says it feels like she is on vacation. This make me so very happy. :)
Terri wrote: "Terrific! Oh that's terrific. :DShe stays with friends (this is the place her friends are going?) and gets better accommodations as well. Congrats Margaret. :)"
Yes. And at least one of the staff members of the place she is in at the moment live near the new one and have promised to visit. :)
Tasha wrote: "Yes, congrats Margaret!My mom (who is just 72 but who's husband is 85) just moved into a HUGE facility for the eldery and LOVES it. They have things going on constantly, on site medical clinics a..."
That must a relief. To have your Mum settled into her retirement and you don't have to worry. :-)
It is! :) and she did all the work!
"If I should live to be the last leaf upon the tree" or something like that.It is troublesome when the aged parent's children have different ideas about what to do with the parent. Me? Leave me where I am--at home. It is customary in my family. However, my aged grandmothers had family living close by so grandmothers (ages 99 and 95 at death) were never really alone. Neither suffered diseases of the mind or body which made a huge difference in the manner they lived the last days of their lives (watching JEOPARDY and the soaps on TV and doing crossword puzzles and a little crocheting(sp). Both grandmothers were blessed.
Every family story/situation is different, and children have to make hard choices. Preserving the last leaf's dignity is not easy, and I feel for all of you who are having to deal with those choices.
That's the big problem isn't it. The health problem. If the mind isn't as good or they fall over a lot or have blackouts, and there isn't family close by to check on them daily, a place where they can live monitored is the best option.But if the mind is good and they don't have major issues that they need constant care for, then it must be nice to stay in their home. Living in a rural area it isn't common for the elderly to end up in hostels or 'old people's homes'. I have grown up seeing the over 90's still living on their farms or in their houses and passing away there when the time comes.
My father-in-law is in hospital at the moment for an op and the nurses are telling my mother-in-law that he needs to go into care. That there is something wrong with his mind. My mother-in-law has been saying this for the last 6 months. It is a tricky situation when the elderly person doesn't know or admit that their mind has gone wrong and they need to be in care.
My grandparents were 90 last year and one is 90 this year. They still live in their nice suburban home, play golf a couple times a week, have a busy social life. They don't look 90...more like 80. :)
I just want to be clear, although my mom is situated in a great place for the long-term, we would have GLADLY taken her in forever. SHE is the one who wanted to be somewhere. :)
Terri, your grandparents sound a lot like mine. I agree with everything you said. Tasha, if that is what your mom wanted, then support her decision. It is hard to let go, but she sounds independent to me. My mother is 86, very active--she has more of a social life than I do.
Ancient & Medieval Historical Fiction
Books mentioned in this topic
The Berry Pickers (other topics)Fortune's Child (other topics)
Hild (other topics)
Sharpe's Command (other topics)
Edenglassie (other topics)
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Authors mentioned in this topic
Amanda Peters (other topics)Nicola Griffith (other topics)
Bernard Cornwell (other topics)
Bernard Cornwell (other topics)
Allan Hands (other topics)
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Oh, and it was La Boheme by Puccini.