Ancient & Medieval Historical Fiction discussion
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@Allie. I think only my relatives would have the nerve, and I have to say of them, they years ago came to terms with me. So, I don't get that to my face. Additional. Though thirty-odd is when they hit you hard. If you win through to 40s, like me, they give up. :)
I have gone down the "no kids" road as well! There have been very few times I have regretted that. A friend said to me once that I should have children, you'd be a great mother!! She was quite indignant and thought it was my husbands decision. But the bottom line, apart from being incredibly desirable of "quiet time" to read, I firmly believe I would have made a bad parent. I adore my nieces and nephews, please don't get me wrong. Maybe it would have been different if they were mine, but I don't know. I am convinced my mother didn't want children and I was terrified I would inflict similar feelings upon my own children. Besides I have a great relationship with my nieces and nephews. I get to be the cool aunt, while their parents tell them what to do, lol.Alicja I love the comment "waiting for the right boy" bahahahaha, sorry, it's like renting a car until you can afford the one you want or something, or just trying it on for size. Those people definitely get to stay safe in their little cocoons.
Margaret I tip my hat to you, for being brave just to say that out aloud, :)))))
Bryn wrote: "@Allie. I think only my relatives would have the nerve, and I have to say of them, they years ago came to terms with me. So, I don't get that to my face. Additional. Though thirty-odd is when they..."
Well at least I have that to look forward to ;)
Lisa - being the cool aunt is so much better lol. When my nephew has a runny nose, spaghetti in his hair from lunch and later in his diaper, I get to say to my sister "U take care of this" :)Ha. My dad never wanted children either (mainly because he grew up in the worst life I've ever heard of and didn't want his kids to know any of that) and my mother had kids because she'd led the June Cleaver life and not having kids wouldn't present the perfect vision she was accustomed to presenting. Needless to say, my upbringing wasn't very affectionate. What's worse is that my dad reminds us ALL THE TIME about not wanting my sister and I. He thinks that's ok if he ends it with "but I love you now your here". I think this all contributed to my fanatical animal devotion and not having a need for a bf/husband/kids.
What interesting statistics we are. You get such a different impression when you talk to real (world-wide) people, instead of the demographics.
Very nice to know that there are other happily single and/or child free women out there. All the single females I know don't actually want to be single except for my sister and I. :)I love being single. I love the independence, freedom and having all my money to myself!
It's not just you girls. I'm 41, been single for a decade now, so people here in middle America assume that I'm gay. I'm not, but I don't give a shit what people think. Gay, straight...whatever. As long as you have a good heart, you're cool with me. Forget what the haters think!
I know exactly what you mean Allie. One of my nieces said to me once: why can I talk to you this way but not my mum? My response was that I don't have to tell her what to do, lol. But it's true she has a mother, I can be her friend.I use to think I was on my pat Malone, about the whole not wanting children thing. But its interesting to meet more people who have made that choice, Bryn, and all for varying reasons. I know that in some groups I still feel on the outer, with people looking at you as if you could never comprehend the great love they feel for their children, as if you would never understand. Maybe that's true I don't know, but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of great love. The passion and love I feel my nieces and nephew is profound for me. But there is always the little doubting Thomas in me that's says nah it's just not the same as a being a parent. I don't know the answer and I can't go back in time, but if I know if I could that wouldn't be the thing I'd change.
Best sign I'd ever seen outside a pet shop: MONEY CAN BUY YOU LOVE HERE! I think I'd stick to fur babies!
Okay, so should the next question be........how many of us single ladies have a cat or two?? :D
Pardon me, ladies, for interrupting your deep conversation. ;)
Interrupt away. Frivolous or deep, nice to have the guys POV too! :)
Derek, you don't interrupt!!! not exclusively girls here.
Margaret wrote: "People making assumptions like that infuriates me. I am hetero, always have been, but I am single and in my 40s. So people have assumed that I am a lesbian. Nope. What happened was that I was s..."Not that you need to give them excuses anyway. Even if you had no trauma in your past, men and women (whether together or as singles) can be very happy without children or partners. It is a long tie since human beings have needed to pair up and procreate to advance the species.
(P.S I am sorry to hear that you have had this trauma in your life, Margaret.)
Lisa wrote: "I have gone down the "no kids" road as well! There have been very few times I have regretted that. A friend said to me once that I should have children, you'd be a great mother!! She was quite indi..."I have nephews that I love too. that is enough for me. :)
I too have never had an urge to have kids. I felt I had to and there were some years when we tried. Didn't happen and we weren't too upset about it.
I respect that some men and women want children, have children, think their lives are complete with children, but for me personally I am glad I don't have kids now that I am..ahem..that age (born in the 70's, very nearly the same age as Derek).
It cost me friendships and I don't have too many friends anymore because they don't have anything in common with me now they have kids. I wouldn't change things though. I am happy that hubby and I are living our own carefree life. We only get one life after all (depending on your beliefs). ;) And the planet is overcrowded enough as it is.
Derek wrote: "It's not just you girls. I'm 41, been single for a decade now, so people here in middle America assume that I'm gay. I'm not, but I don't give a shit what people think. Gay, straight...whatever. As..."I always thought you had kids, Derek. Were there once kids in your profile photos? Are they not yours?
I did strike it lucky by finding hubby. Only in that I found someone who had the same outlook on life as I did. I don't consider myself 'lucky because I found a man'. I never had any problem finding men, I had just never wanted want they wanted. they wanted me to marry them and have kids. I was too much of a free spirit.
When I met hubby and fell in love, it seemed natural to pair off with him since he wanted the same out of life as I did.
Terri wrote: "Derek wrote: "It's not just you girls. I'm 41, been single for a decade now, so people here in middle America assume that I'm gay. I'm not, but I don't give a shit what people think. Gay, straight...."
I have two kids, Terri. My daughter Karsyn, and my son Garrett. Unfortunately, their mother and I were not compatible. I love them so much & wouldn't trade them for the world, but my ex and I are perfect examples of making that decision, to have kids, before we were really ready for it. That said, I'm so proud of my kids, so I'll repost their pictures on my profile. :) I couldn't ask for any better.
I have two kids, Terri. My daughter Karsyn, and my son Garrett. Unfortunately, their mother and I were not compatible. I love them so much & wouldn't trade them for the world, but my ex and I are perfect examples of making that decision, to have kids, before we were really ready for it. That said, I'm so proud of my kids, so I'll repost their pictures on my profile. :) I couldn't ask for any better.
Oh Derek don't think that!! Definitely having this conversation with you too buddy!I find that there are times that we just have so little in common that we tend to avoid spending time with some people. Chris and I are very insular in a lot of ways so we don't have a lot of friends anyway. But we have one couple we met a little while ago, who's 5 children were so welcoming, articulate, caring, artistic and completely crazy, that we all just clicked. It was really strange. We were so out of our comfort zone, and decided to put ourselves " out" there, and it worked. But I think that isn't rare event, lol.
I found the people I am most uncomfortable with are those that can't have children. I sort of feel like I'm being judged because I could have but chose not to, thereby throwing a way an opportunity.
Now Derek you come right back here!!! Lol
I'm glad you don't care what people think Derek, and everyone else too. Bloody hell life's too short to care what other people think of your life choices. I think I was pretty lucky Terri, with my husband. I don't think many couples can do what we do. I was pretty wild when we first met and Chris was a bit more settled than me. But at our current job this will be our 7th employer together. Because we have just a few good friends and tend to isolate ourselves wherever we live, we are with each other 24 hours a day. There are times we could throttle each other, but I'm part Maltese, Irish and an Aries, so it's not all my fault!!
But it's all about how you get past the arguments. Before I met Chris, and I wouldn't give him up, I lived by myself and it has a lot to be said for it that's for sure.
I have to agree with all whats been said by you ladies and Derek, I am single 43, I am happy that I can do what I want when I want.as for friends and family I dont get hassled by them, as a hetro sexual male my dates and relationships are my private buisness.
Besides dating at my age is a minefield.
Derek wrote: "It's not just you girls. I'm 41, been single for a decade now, so people here in middle America assume that I'm gay. I'm not, but I don't give a shit what people think. Gay, straight...whatever. As..."Similar story here Derek.
Haters & labellers i call them, gives 'em shyte to talk about & makes them happy I guess.
For me, I jus get on with it, shrug, laugh it off, been through a lot of late :) so it's all good.
PS Sorry ladies for butting in too & respect to you all, some very candid thoughts been shared.
Please don't think you are butting in, any of you. These are how we have our discussions any other time! And once again in this group we've all been able to have an intelligent yet personal conversation without anyone being harassed or uncomfortable. That's what I like about you all, :). And whether you celebrate or not: Happy Valentines Day to all of you!! :))))
Nobody is butting in. The discussion is open to all and sundry. :)
Mark wrote: "Besides dating at my age is a minefield."I can't even begin to imagine what dating in the over 40's would be like. A minefield might be an understatement.
:)
Lisa wrote: "Please don't think you are butting in, any of you. These are how we have our discussions any other time! And once again in this group we've all been able to have an intelligent yet personal convers..."Precisely.
No such thing as a closed conversation around here. Anybody can jump in. ;)
I know :)I forget yer can't see me smiling n typing on ere at times :D
I forgot to add another observation - the dreaded "friends" that set you-up with one of their friend singletons.... where the only thing you have in common is that yer both SINGLE! laughs, then it's MUST be GAY cause.... thanks "friends"
Blind dates or set ups. They are awful at any age. lol.
Aye, it's like when both of you go....oh ffs... I jus came out for a drink with my "friends".... lol
Ditto on the dating thing, god I couldn't imagine it. Would definitely be a minefield!! I can't imagine me on a blind date, lol. I tend to have a bit of a bit of a potty mouth, in fact, let's face it, I love to swear. So I wouldn't be able to speak all night lest I show the true scope of my vocabulary!, hahaha
Terri wrote: "Mark wrote: "Besides dating at my age is a minefield."I can't even begin to imagine what dating in the over 40's would be like. A minefield might be an understatement.
:)"
Oh yes, people come with baggage from previous relationships and there lives.
Wow! It's odd to know that I'm not the only one who is over 40 single, with no kids. I like being an auntie to two kids. And yes, like many here, I've been told that there are some family members who believe that makes me a lesbian. I'm not. I'm mostly just a hermit hahah
Well at least we all have each other, hehe. Night all
I just woke up again and so much great conversation!To everyone, as long as you are happy with who you are and the choices you've made than that is what counts. It just sucks that sometimes the people who claim to care and love us are the ones who harass us.
Anyone here also get always invited to a bazillion baby showers and has a little resentment over the thousands of dollars (or whatever currency you use) spent on other people's life choices? It seems like I am going to baby showers on average 7/8 times a year *shivers*.
Spouse and I get highly peeved at the people who say that marriage is only for the making of children. We got married because we loved each other and wanted to be together. We don't have human children. We have a wonderful pet sitter who comes in to care for our four-foots when we go away.And for Valentine's Night, we are going to a lecture at the Zoo. Drinks, food, fortune tellers ( will we find love after more than 30 years together :P), pics to commemorate the experience, souvenir glasses. The evening is billed as adults only because the lecture is on the reproductive habits of endangered species. This lecture features pandas. There will be pictures. I will let Derek deliver the punch line.
You're up, my Friend. ;-)
Allie wrote: "I know! Society thinks we've come so far since say, the 50s but really the "ideal" woman is married, barefoot and pregnant. Oh you know they have to comment!!!! They HAVE TO!!!!"
Surely the "ideal" woman is something more like Pamela Anderson?
Tim
I'll get my coat...
Alicja wrote: "I just woke up again and so much great conversation!To everyone, as long as you are happy with who you are and the choices you've made than that is what counts. It just sucks that sometimes the p..."
See what we started ;) lol.
Dawn wrote: "Okay, so should the next question be........how many of us single ladies have a cat or two?? :D"Haha!! I'm definitely going to be the crazy old cat lady in her rocking chair with cats prowling around.
Sorry its at the expense of all you nice fellows on here but I'm glad men catch flack too!! :P
I'm already there, Allie. I watch for you coming over the hill ;-)
I'm not that close!Oh who am I kidding, I'd rather be home with my cats, rocking away. Would you like to come over for tea? Lol :)
It's the perfect day, isn't it?? When you have a good book, a warm cat, hot tea and a roaring fire while it rains or snows outside!!Just thinking about it makes me happy! :)
Darcy wrote: "Wow! It's odd to know that I'm not the only one who is over 40 single, with no kids. I like being an auntie to two kids. And yes, like many here, I've been told that there are some family members w..."I once thought Darcy was a lesbian. :) But that was only because, in conversation, she referred to the friend she goes on holiday with as her 'partner'. haha!
She meant travel partner. :D
Andy wrote: "http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images...Apparently there's a vacancy for a Lighthouse keeper ;0"
Sh#t. I won't apply.
Tim wrote: "Surely the "ideal" woman is something more like Pamela Anderson?Tim
I'll get my coat... ..."
Really? Of all the women in all the land, that is who you'd pick? O_0
Alicja is not baby showers that peev me, I don't get invited or politely decline! Here in oz the govt is introducing paid maternity leave. Now I know this is a personal issue for some, but so is the choice to have children. As a taxpayer why am I paying for someone's lifestyle choice. This peevs me no end, and I quite often pull out my potty mouth on this one.Sorry no cats for me, I'm allergic. And I prefer the big personality of a big dog. So heaven for me is a rainy day, a fire, a rug, coffee/ hot chocolate, book and boxer dog, lol. Having said that about cats, I actually follow a cat on Facebook, weird I know. But he is the coolest, biggest cat I've seen. He has this amazing expressive face. I will find a picture and post it, he's awesome! for a cat, lol.
Allie wrote: "I'm not that close!Oh who am I kidding, I'd rather be home with my cats, rocking away. Would you like to come over for tea? Lol :)"
Make a a cup of coffee and I'm there!
Ancient & Medieval Historical Fiction
Books mentioned in this topic
The Berry Pickers (other topics)Fortune's Child (other topics)
Hild (other topics)
Sharpe's Command (other topics)
Edenglassie (other topics)
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Authors mentioned in this topic
Amanda Peters (other topics)Nicola Griffith (other topics)
Bernard Cornwell (other topics)
Bernard Cornwell (other topics)
Allan Hands (other topics)
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Margaret - I'm so sorry!!! Your frame of mind is completely understandable.
Bryn - do you ever get the "your not a complete woman/its your duty to produce children" talk too?