Teens Against Discrimination discussion
Discrimination/Debate
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Size and the definition of 'attractive'
message 51:
by
Fiona
(new)
Jan 12, 2012 06:15PM
No matter whether you are slimmer than you are currently pleased with, or a bit more curvier than your friends,to me it comes down to self confidence. As I was catching up on the conversation what struck a chord with me, was that you can learn to be comfortable in your own skin, your own body. You know what you like and what you don't like. All of us have something we wish we could change no matter which end of the scale we are on. (Yeah,I know terrible. :) It is very true that appearances might be the first thing that draws our attention to someone. However, once ya get beyond the outer wrapping, what else is there? What makes people stop and listen to you or step back to give you room to pass? Is it your voice or your size? No, deep down,that chain reaction started because you knew you were just as important as everyone else in that room. And you entered with self confidence,head high. Not cocky, but self assured. To me,that is where it begins. Believe in yourself, cause you are worth it. The rest...take one small thing at a time you would like to change,decide what you need to accomplish it and go for it.
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Yes, self-confidence is that all-important ingredient, but it's something of a vicious cycle; someone who's overweight is isolated for their different body shape, hence the feel pressure to conform, be thin, tries to diet, finds it doesn't really work or that they are miserable.The flip side is the person who thinks they are fat even when they are underweight, is it lack of self-confidence that drives these two extremes? Or is it a desire to 'be with the in crowd'? Or are they the same thing?
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OMG! I'm sorry, lol. I forgot some people don't like swearing. *laughs*
Very true, Woolfie. My being bullyied wasn´t about my appearance, but building up my self-confidence was pretty hard anyway. It helped to get away from my classmates in summer holidays, when I went to acampt and met really nice people there, who respected me. When I had been there three times, I was self-confident - I don´t know how, but it gave me the feeling of belonging.
LOL, It's fien. i don't mind it.. I just get iffy if people start using it alot. :S
Very ture Fiona. But unfortuantely, some people don't see that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Love that quote. :D
Very ture Fiona. But unfortuantely, some people don't see that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Love that quote. :D
Marlene wrote: "Very true, Woolfie.
My being bullyied wasn´t about my appearance, but building up my self-confidence was pretty hard anyway. It helped to get away from my classmates in summer holidays, when I wen..."
Total opposite for me. I hated my Music camp sometmes anyway. i got teased for being razor thin and other stuff, and that's where i got soem racism... :S
My being bullyied wasn´t about my appearance, but building up my self-confidence was pretty hard anyway. It helped to get away from my classmates in summer holidays, when I wen..."
Total opposite for me. I hated my Music camp sometmes anyway. i got teased for being razor thin and other stuff, and that's where i got soem racism... :S
It was something like a music camp (I use the expression "camp" in lack of a better word; maybe I´ll look something up) and my being bullyied was mostly about me being different. Music was one of the things. I play organ and, well, how many teenager doing this do you know? It was an organ-camp and we got along because the others liked the same things I did. :)
Woolfie wrote: "Yes, self-confidence is that all-important ingredient, but it's something of a vicious cycle; someone who's overweight is isolated for their different body shape, hence the feel pressure to conform..."Hmmm. I think you have a very real and important point here. The constant pressure to fit in and be accepted by your peers and your inner struggle to like and accept yourself. That includes the image you see in the mirror. Every one of us does this to some extent. And you know what I found out? We put to much pressure on ourselves. We can't be everything everyone expects or wants us to be. We just can't. We aren't made that way. So, I say,divide and conquere! First,stop stressing over what you can't change. And that is, how your peers and other people see you. Second, take out a piece of paper and make two lists. List A: Name five things you like about yourself and how it makes you feel. List B: List five things you would like to change about yourself, in the order of smallest to biggest and set a goal date to accomplish the first item on your list. Get your friends and family involved. Let them know what you are doing. Get some of them to join in. Even if they don't have all the same goals on their list as you, you can still encourage and support each other. Gathering supporters around you and linking with other people will encourage you to complete your list and you can do the same for them. There is strength in numbers. Take that first step and reach out to a few close friends and family and get them involved. You'll be less likely to quit if you have a buddy or two to work towards your goals with. When you start meeting your goals and checking them off your list,guess what? I think you'll find you aren't so worried about being different anymore. You'll have gained some of that missing confidence and it will show all on its own.
Some excellent suggestions there Fiona, thanks for giving us a plan of action we can implement:)
Good advice! If I´d have it three years before... xD
Well you can still give it a shot Marlene, I know I'm contemplating it:)
At the moment I´m satisfied with who I am - wow, that never happened before. :D
Marlene wrote: "It was something like a music camp (I use the expression "camp" in lack of a better word; maybe I´ll look something up) and my being bullyied was mostly about me being different. Music was one of t..."
How were you considered different?
How were you considered different?
Woolfie wrote: "Some excellent suggestions there Fiona, thanks for giving us a plan of action we can implement:)"Thanks Woolfie, just some suggestions that a good friend passed along to me when I was feeling very frustrated with myself. So, I can say it does work but can't take the credit. Just paying it forward, I guess?
Woolfie wrote: "That's great:D Good for you!"Marlene wrote: "At the moment I´m satisfied with who I am - wow, that never happened before. :D"
Couldn't agree more! That is wonderful,Marlene.
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Anybody here with weight related stories?
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![Kiyuto~Nyan ❤☪☮E✡☥☯✞❤ [Kony 2012] (IHaveDiedEveryDayWaitingForYou) | 564 comments](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1335036590p1/5887112.jpg)
Well one time(last week) in band, there was a part in one of the songs we were playing that sounds like something that a jerk may refer to as the "fat person song". This girl laughed and said that I should be walking at the time.
That's not very nice, are you overweight then Kiyuto? Sorry, I hope you're not offended by me asking!
No it's fine. I'm 5'5½" and weigh 130 pounds and I know that at least some of that is muscle, because I can pick up my older brother.
I notice that hereabouts, obesity is becoming more apparent, I mean when I was growing up, there were less 'fat' fat people, now they're more common, and I'm not exactly a ballerina either:p 6 foot 1 and 120 kgs:p
Yeah I've noticed that... I don't have that much fat on my stomach or anywhere else really. I mean I kinda need to loose some weight yeah, but I'm not that big. All the fat that I do have, will not be there come summer though.
Whereabouts do you live Kiyuto, sorry if that's been asked and answered before and I'm to obtuse to have seen it?
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The US. I'm sorry if that's really vague, but one of my friends freaked me out earlier and I'm a bit paranoid now.
EJ Luv Zombie wrote: "I'm from Wisconsin, the clogged artery of America's hearland..."Lol.
The clogged artery? lol I've never been stateside, can't be that bad can it EJ?Kiyuto, that's OK, just don't get to the point where you make up zany conspiracy theories OK:)
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Kiyuto, that's OK, just don't get to the point where you make up zany conspiracy theories OK:)"
... We're officially the drunkest and fattest state in America pretty much. Stereotypes of Wisconsin seen on TV and in books:
-We frolick through fields of french fries
-Everything is deep-fried. This is kinda true. At fairs, I have seen stands for deep-fried twinkies and butter... yes, deep fried butter.
-We all drink beer for every meal...
Lol, I won't. :)
Deep fried butter? Really? I thought deep fried Mars bar sounded nuts, but butter?!You must feel the odd one out Mr. gangly:)
Hehe good to hear Kiyuto:)
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You must feel the odd one out Mr. gangly:)
Hehe good to hear Kiyuto:)"
OH! I FORGOT WISCONSIN'S SPECIALTY!
Deep fried Beer! Yes, we're crazy as hell and I do stick out quite a bit at places, lol. :D
Phew at least you don't have deep-fried batter!
EJ Luv Zombie wrote: "Woolfie wrote: "The clogged artery? lol I've never been stateside, can't be that bad can it EJ?Kiyuto, that's OK, just don't get to the point where you make up zany conspiracy theories OK:)"
... ..."
Our fair does that too. They also have fried KoolAid...
What kind of mental place deep fries drinks? I'm surprised they haven't tried deep-fried ice cube, or deep fried savoury plastic num nums:p
Mod
They must be descended from Scots at some point, we get deep friend chocolate, pig's blood, known as Black pudding oddly enough, and even fruit!
I just realized that I have never actually been to a fair. Huh...
Sounds like something to experience at least one Kiyuto:p
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Maybe I'll go sometime...Yes it does... Yum... *thinks about chocolate*
Dah Blaze {Just Streak} ~Boss 1~ [Psychic 3] wrote: "Marlene wrote: "It was something like a music camp (I use the expression "camp" in lack of a better word; maybe I´ll look something up) and my being bullyied was mostly about me being different. Mu..."You asked why I was bullyied? Strange story and I´ll try to keep it short, for I already wrote it on the Personal Stotry thread once.
In elementary school I was best friends with my cousin ad another girl. My cousin decided she didn´t like me anymore in 4th grade and got my other friend to hate me. Stupid Marlene thought she could do something about it and went to the new school with them to sign up for being in a class with them. As you may have guesses it didn´t work out.
My cousin started to tell everone in the new class lies about me too and for the first time they believed it.
I was hurt by her behaviour and couldn´trust anyone, so I kinda built a shield around me and didn´t let anyone in. When my classmates finally realized I wasn´t too bad it was too late and I didn´t want anything to do with anyone.
When I was ready to have friends again, they had already formed groups and nobody wanted me. I had become more serious and earnest, while they were still in they´re "ooooh, boys and make-up and shrieking" phase. I played organ, I read and wrote, which equals outsider at my school.
Now I have found real friends and got my self-confidence back and life´s great. ;)
With a happy ending above all! :)There was a phase in there where I tried to change myself to fit my classmates opinion about how I should be. It actually worked, but I felt like loosing myself and that was a price too high to pay.
I like who I am, what my experiences made me and I wouldn´t change what has happened back then for a million dollars. Strange, huh? It would have spared me a lot of pain, but there are good sides to it as well. When I had no friends, I began to read more - you see the result, as I am now on Goodreads!
I don´t really care about what others say anymore, may it be about my hobbies or about my appearance. Some narrow-minded people from lower grades tried to bully me about what I look like (not like a "typical" teenage girl, with wearing no make-up and not going with the latest trends), but like I said, they TRIED. They were disappointed and gave up pretty soon when they found they couldn´t hurt me anymore.
Like I said: Watch out for the positive side effects! You may not see them right now, but they´re there, I´m sure.
I don't mind makeup. But yeah.. I agree with you, and food endings are always great!
I agree, food endings are always great, chocolate ckae makes me happy:p
Nothing better than chocolate cake! ;)
