Queereaders discussion
introduce yourself
>
Hello from my place of residence
date
newest »
newest »
Hello Katie!
Hope you stick around :)
Hope you stick around :)
Welcome, Katie. Congratulations on your degree!
:) I plan to be here a while, Kathryn.Thank you Nancy. :)
Mod
I'm curious and this is not a criticism at all. We are from much different generations. Being Gay is a big part of my identity as is being male, a physician etc. Benign Gay does in a large part 'define' me, by me. It is also a label. One I give myself.
Youngin's seem to have an aversion to being defined or labeled, whatever one want's to call it. I don't think I understand why. A big goal in my life is self-discovery in the sense of who-am-I. Being Gay is part of the answer and once figured out brought a great sense of peace.
So what's wrong with defining or labeling oneself with a meaningful word? Or am I misunderstanding? Is this a generation gap? Is it worth discussing?
And a fond welcome!
I cannot speak for the rest of my generation, but for myself I don't want to allow a label to define me for a few reasons. I grew up in an insanely religious household and so in large part, even though my sexuality does define me, I have learned to down play that label as a means to accept and be okay with myself as a lesbian.Another part of it, and probably what I have in common with other people my age is not wanting to be defined by a label, because it takes away freedom. I personally think sexuality is fluid, and if I am labeled as lesbian but I fall in love with a man, then I don't fit anywhere. If I were straight and fell in love with a woman then I would be criticized in a number of other ways. I so very much love women, and it is very much a part of who o am, but I am more than that.
I guess you could also see it as "I also happen to be a lesbian", in which case you're going "this is what I am, but so what?" I suppose that's how I see it - you accept you fall into this group, but you don't define yourself by it. You don't conform to any expectations from the "lesbian" group, nor from the "observers" of that group. You just happen to find women attractive.
That's just my opinion of things, anyway.
P.S. I learned that there's such a thing as a lesbian-identified bisexual the other day. I really, really am behind with all these different identities and stuff :p
That's just my opinion of things, anyway.
P.S. I learned that there's such a thing as a lesbian-identified bisexual the other day. I really, really am behind with all these different identities and stuff :p
Ooo, a lesbian-identified bisexual. That one is new to me.
How about lesbian-identified pansexual? That's not too much different, I think... maybe?
Please don't hit me with bricks if I'm wrong.
Please don't hit me with bricks if I'm wrong.
I suppose that would be similar. I honestly know nothing about these new labels. I guess I am not that hip. :) And, even if I did have a clue I would never dream of throwing bricks at anyone.
Mod
I don't think my sexuality has ever been fluid. I may have experimented a bit, but it has always been same gender even when I was married, even as a prepubescent and as young a 6 or 7 y/o, esp retrospectively. I don't know if this is common, but it has been me.
Labels are OK for me if they are my labels and I define them. Of course a problem is that they come with stereotypes to other's understanding. I have no problem saying I am Gay, totally Gay.
Kernos, was it easy for you and others to come to terms with your sexuality? I mean, when you first put it together that you had sexual attraction to the same sex and that meant you were gay, were you okay with that? Did you know your loved ones would accept you no matter what? I have a potential theory, but it could be given validation or shot out of the water depending on your answer. :)And, for the record, I always knew I liked girls. I was never sexually into men, not even when I was married. I have just always felt like I had to fight against my sexuality, to be someone that can be loved. Now, taking a stance of fluid sexuality kind of protects me, from myself and others. I think that not labeling something, not setting it in stone, provides some semblance of flexibility. It is comforting enough to people. I am usually left alone about why I like women, but it does not stop the attempts at persuading me to be with a man again...because that has always worked so well for me.
I feel like an odd one, if I'm honest :p
I've not come to terms with anything really. I'd say I identify as a lesbian woman right now, but what's to say that won't change? If I had to describe myself explicitly right now, it would be a non-out, non-diagnosed, pre-hormones transwoman with asexual tendancies but an attraction to women. That's a bit of a mouthful, really. I wrestle with aspects of myself continuously, but when you realise the world isn't all square pegs and round holes, it's so hard not to because it goes against everything you've been taught and all the "evidence" society puts in front of you.
But it's hard to not label yourself. Whether it's your Facebook page or a job application form, you have gender and sexuality boxes to tick. I generally go with "other" for the sake of it. There's no "Fuck off, my gender and sexuality are my business" box, there's no "Androgynous" or "Genderqueer" box, there's nothing like that.
As far as forms and stuff are concerned, you're gay, straight or bisexual, and you're either male or female.
I might still have my male... uh... equipment, but I'm more femme than some women are.
I've not come to terms with anything really. I'd say I identify as a lesbian woman right now, but what's to say that won't change? If I had to describe myself explicitly right now, it would be a non-out, non-diagnosed, pre-hormones transwoman with asexual tendancies but an attraction to women. That's a bit of a mouthful, really. I wrestle with aspects of myself continuously, but when you realise the world isn't all square pegs and round holes, it's so hard not to because it goes against everything you've been taught and all the "evidence" society puts in front of you.
But it's hard to not label yourself. Whether it's your Facebook page or a job application form, you have gender and sexuality boxes to tick. I generally go with "other" for the sake of it. There's no "Fuck off, my gender and sexuality are my business" box, there's no "Androgynous" or "Genderqueer" box, there's nothing like that.
As far as forms and stuff are concerned, you're gay, straight or bisexual, and you're either male or female.
I might still have my male... uh... equipment, but I'm more femme than some women are.
It is hard not to label oneself. I like that most applications and such now have "decline to answer." I never decline on my gender, because that for me is pretty clear cut. I am a woman. I like some of the gender roles imposed on women. I like heels and make-up. I have sometimes wanted to be a man for the simplicity though.I do usually "decline to answer" in the race box. I don't feel like my race is applicable to how well I study or work. I kind of think it is ridiculous er even still ask these labeling questions. What does it really matter?!? Is a man with the exact same education going to be a better candidate? Or a Mexican-American with the same skills going to be tossed to the curb for an equally skilled white person? Those things should not matter as much as our society makes them matter.
Mod
No it was not easy at all, esp going thru puberty in the late 50's and being The Best Little Boy in the World. It was totally confusing. There were no role models or support systems. I fantasized a lot. Told myself and was told it was wrong. Once caught in some adolescent playing around with a friend when 12 or 13, my mom told me, "If my son turned out like 'that', it would kill me." Gosh, I couldn't kill my mom so I lived up to everyone's expectations, at least externally. In retrospect it caused depression, anxiety and alcohol addiction. It wasn't until I was 33, after 10 years of marriage and 2 sons that I was honest with myself and gradually with family and friends with mixed results. But, it was necessary for survival and getting over the alcohol. I am now 33 years sober. That was easy, once I owned up to being Gay in the late '70s.
I suspect that my feelings about the Gay and Proud label came from all of that and is so important to my identity even today. Times and attitudes have changed a lot, or not among some groups, though even they are at least talking about it. I suspect it can be easier to be fluid or bi or even gay as a teen than in my day. At least the grass looks greener and I'm a bit jealous of kids growing up today. OTOH, I could have been raised in Iran or some such society and slaughtered.
Haha things have not changed as much as they seem to have. I am sorry your coming out was so difficult.
I am really quite terrible at introductions so I will make this short and sweet. I am 23. As far as I know I am and have always been a lesbian, but I don't let the label define me. I just graduated from University, a matter of days ago with a B.A. in English. I minored in Psychology. Now, I am applying to Graduate schools, and looking to start school again in the Fall. In the mean time I have a lot of time to catch up on all of the recreational reading I missed out on in the last four years. :)