Learning to Breathe-Chapters 11 to 19

[Meryl]

Hi all:

This is to start the discussion of the next nine chapters--to the end of section one. Please do continue posting on the first section, too, especially as new people join the conversation.

Since many of these chapters detail Priscilla's exploration of various techniques, I'm going to make most of these prompts more open-ended.

Please discuss any of the techniques Priscilla explores, in terms of her evolution towards calm or your own experiences or interest in the method:
EMDR,
Art therapy (drawing the Buddha),
Belleruth's guided visualization CDs (and meeting her in person!),
Trauma therapy with Denver neurologist Dr. Scaer,
Trager therapy,
Pena Chodron retreat (again trying not to be jealous here!)

Some assorted other questions:

When Priscilla first hears that she panics because she's experienced trauma, she initially bristles at the word. Do you think the word trauma is appropriate here? For those of you with your own anxiety issues, do you believe your own past traumas have contributed to your own hair-trigger panic?

Dr. Scaer tells her, "Some of the people who accomplished the most in life had a lot of trauma in their history, like Mother Teresa, Gandhi...." Do you believe that trauma can be a positive motivating force? Do you think one needs trauma to be especially successful?

Priscilla feels a memory release in her collarbone during her first Trager session. What do you think was going on there? Has this ever happened to you?

Anything else you want to discuss from this section.

Meryl Davids Landau

[Tricia]

Hi all,
I have been in the group for awhile, but have never commented since I am always a few chapters (or a book) behind, but I think I'll finally jump in!

Re: Please discuss any of the techniques Priscilla explores, in terms of her evolution towards calm or your own experiences or interest in the method:
EMDR, Art therapy (drawing the Buddha),
Belleruth's guided visualization CDs (and meeting her in person!),

I was so appreciative of Priscilla's descriptions of the various therapies, inlcuding the Somatic method and EMDR. I had never heard of these and they sound so remarkable, I have already shared what I learned with my sister & a good friend. Priscilla, I admire your perseverance in looking into so many different therapies. I have found it so exhausting to explain and re-explain and explain once gain my issues to yet another therapist! Re:guided visualizations: when I changed jobs (several years ago now) I was under a lot of stress. The only way I could fall asleep was to listen to one of them: The positive imagery was very healing and calming.

[Julie]

I would like to address Art Therapy, which I really enjoyed in Priscilla's book. After my mom died in June, I realized that I had no "hobby." Besides reading, I didn't have an escape.

In October, the local library was having a fundraiser, so I went just to get out of the house. One of the workshops was "Intro to Watercolor." In one hour, I was given a brush, paper, a cheap paint set, and instructions on how to paint a landscape. The hour flew by, my painting was a mess, and I was hooked!!!

I purchased a few basic supplies and turned my dining room into a little painting workshop, lol!

I now visit the local art gallery, which I never went to. Everything captures my eye and wants to be painted. The sunrise, sunset, fall foliage, a rose, etc. My paintings aren't the greatest, but it transports me to another world.

I think of nothing but painting during that time. Not work, not anxiety, bills, not even my mom. I believe it to be a real meditation in action. I try to paint once a day. I am in love!

[Jene]

I downloaded a few guided meditation apps to my phone this fall for relaxation and sleep and they seemed to help a bit although i am never one to just fall asleep I've never fallen asleep during savasana or even on a plane.

I'm interested in checking out the Belleruth's - I haven't used hers yet. I'm also interested in using guided meditation for self-control (mostly food moderation).

One of the other techniques that stood out to me was the loving kindness meditation and I am going to try that as well. I love the idea of it. I want to be more connected and compassionate.

I whipped through this book too fast. I should probably go back and re-read certain chapters for book club but I was enjoying it so much I couldn't stop!

Art Therapy: I went to art school and have always found solice in art, although lately I've been disconnected from it more than usual. Perhaps because It's my job (I'm an art director & former photographer). Whenever I am more relaxed I get more into my creative side.

One thing to note, although I haven't knitted in a long time, before I was able to meditate (I was always too jumpy and hyperactive) the only way I could sit still was with knitting and it very much was a meditation. I'm thinking of picking it back up!

[Kimberly]

Thanks for sharing about your art experience Julie.
I hope you get back to your knitting Janene!
I've had EMDR. It helped when I realized that I was having physical responses to certain triggers. There were no conscious thoughts ruminating.
I'm happy to learn about the somatic experience and I marked "Waking The Tiger" to-read.
Horse back riding is good for kicking in the para-sympathetic nervous system response... Of course getting thrown doesn't help. :S
Have any of you read Too Loud, Too Fast, Too Bright, Too Tight"? It's by Heller (Sharon? Maybe?) and has good information about how the nervous system works and ways to create sanctuaries to calm the more sensitive of us. ;)

[[deleted user]]

I've had EMDR as well. I had a particularly bad childhood with some very distinct memories, and we picked one of those with the intent of "desensitizing" me to it. I remember feeling pretty skeptical that following my therapists fingers from side to side (she didn't use lights) would do anything for me, but I figured "what the heck". It did work though, and have long lasting effects -- at least for that particular memory, I can think of it and it is world's lighter.

[[deleted user]]

When Priscilla first hears that she panics because she's experienced trauma, she initially bristles at the word. Do you think the word trauma is appropriate here? For those of you with your own anxiety issues, do you believe your own past traumas have contributed to your own hair-trigger panic?

There was something else she said around this that resonated with me: something about not having it so bad. I was emotionally abused for years growing up, and if I talked about it at all, I remember always having to add something like, "well, it wasn't like they hit me or anything". I always minimized what happened to me. But in my late 20s I started reading books about emotional abuse and how damaging it is. I can now accept the fact that what happened to me *was* abuse, and I *was* traumatized by all of it. There's also the matter of dealing with the feelings behind all this: "No big deal, I survived" used to be my response to the "that's so sad" comment I'd get from therapists who heard only pieces of my story. But it *is* sad, and I'm still working on letting myself really feel the sadness of that little girl. It's scary to let go and think that you may just cry forever if you let the flood gates open, and I haven't figured out how to do that yet. Anyway, as a result of all this I have general anxiety, I get panicky under particular situations that remind me of my home life (e.g. being late, hearing noises in the middle of the night). Just last night I shot up from bed and went out into the hallway because I heard a noise (for no apparent reason).

This is a long way of saying that yes, I believe trauma is absolutely the appropriate word, and that the past not only contributes but probably caused my panicky, over-reactions to life.

[Priscilla]

Jen - Just reading your words brings tears to me eyes. (I know I cry a lot, but still...:))
You really seem to understand how I felt, in the book, and throughout my life. "No big deal, I survived," was something I would say to therapists as well. But I think my body always felt that whatever I'd experiences actually was a big deal. Whatever I felt about what had happened to me became lodged in my central nervous system. I was always on high alert for my next panic attack. I once told a therpist that I felt like I had a kind of submarine periscope, and was always searching the waters for possible danger ahead.

Julie - I loved hearing about your art class! Your creative enthusiasm is contagious! But I suppose that is true of any type of love...it is contagious, and you are clearly in love the way I am, with immersing yourself in an experience that produces something no one else but you can produce.

Speaking of producing things, I've been making a lot of jewelry lately, and I can relate to your comment about knitting, Jenene. I'm curious about what kind of art director you are, as I spent years in advertising and loved it (for the most part.) There are so many ways to be creative, but knitting is a lot less hectic than producing advertising campaigns...

Kimz, thank you for the recommendation of Too Loud, Too Fast, Too Bright, Too Tight. I love that title, since I felt that way for many years, as though my central nervous system was picking up on things no one else seemed to notice or be bothered by. I didn't enjoy being the only dog who could hear so many whistles, if you know what I mean.

And finally, Tricia, thank you so much for your kind words. And thank you for sharing my story with your friend and sister. I absolutely agree with your comment that it's exhausting to explain and re-explain and explain once gain all of our issues to yet another therapist! Of course, I got to explain them one last time in this book...and I thank you all for listening! I'm writing a piece now about the issue of feeling selfish for seeking happiness. But I felt selfish for so many years when I kept talking about my unhappiness. So what is the answer? Perhaps to sit still with it all :)

Thank you once again to everyone for these great comments! And, as always, thank you to Meryl for leading this discussion.

[[deleted user]]

Priscilla: being on "high alert" is definitely something I can relate to. I'm interested in Kimz's book recommendation as well. I know I'm overly sensitive to light, noise, etc. and it's difficult to manage (especially with a husband who keeps everything loud and bright)!

I'm also happy (I guess) to share that I think I had kind of a breakthrough this morning. Immediately after an angry reaction to my husband (hello self-awareness!), I asked myself what the heck that was about. I think it was the "Nine Rooms of Happiness" book I read that says, "hysterical is historical", and I remembered that. I thought about what the interaction was triggering for me, and realized that my father seemed to take a lot of pleasure in tormenting me and my mother. (Since I was uncomfortable and my husband made a comment/joke, it was a likely association.)

This realization actually did bring tears to my eyes (after he made another joke when I told him what the first interaction brought up for me), and I felt like I could just actually sit down and cry. Of course, I had to finish my makeup and get to work, so I couldn't really take the time, but the feelings were definitely there. I feel like I'm making slow but steady progress in dealing with these emotions. (And, my husband is becoming more aware that he deals with difficult conversations / feelings by joking around! :-)

[Jene]

Priscilla, indeed I am an art director in advertising... hi stress that lead me to yoga! :) But of course, it can be really fun too! I noticed in the book you were an art director as well for years!

[Priscilla]

Ahah! I loved that job - advertising was exciting, creative, stimulating. And I met wonderful people. In fact, the woman who used to be my copywriter just discovered my book, got back in touch with me, and put together an event at a chocolate store with a book club. Now that's great marketing!

[Meryl]

Hi all:

Glad to see this discussion rolling along! Sorry I've been AWOL, but I had a series of magazine writing deadlines that didn't have me coming up for air till now.

I love all the various ways many of you have found to relax and restore; meditation and yoga are the ones we always think of, but knitting, painting, even watching a comedy can all help us drop resistant energy and feel better. I've started doing more walking meditations and I also find that makes me feel so great.

Just like when we were reading Living Your Yoga, the universe has decided to test me again to see if I can put this book's principles into action. All (and I mean all!) of the shelves in my office closet collapsed the other day, taking down hundreds and hundreds of books, papers, office supplies, old magazine clips, files, you name it. I must have been out when it happened because it would have been loud, but when I walked into my office it looked like a tornado had been through the closet. Even though I tend to be a calm person, I immediately felt my heart start racing, my blood pressure rise, etc., because I was thinking about all the magazine writing I had to do this week and now this on top of it and yada, yada, yada. Fortunately, I was able to realize pretty quickly that it really was all yada, yada, yada and I could change the story and react with calm. I decided to meditate right then and there. After, I realized just because if fell during a busy week doesn't mean I had to deal with it this week, so I have calmly stepped around the stuff every day since. Even though I work in the office daily I barely even know it's there now (which could be a bad thing because I really shouldn't ignore it forever; I should clean!). So I will take a moment to pat myself on the back, and also thank Priscilla for reminding me through her book that the goal is always inner peace no matter what the outside world looks like.

As far as this section of the book, Priscilla, I have heard of EMDR before, but I'm wondering if you could explain a bit more about the way the eye movements are supposed to help process the trauma.

Namaste!
Meryl Davids Landau

[Kimberly]

I'm glad you're calmly stepping over those things from your closet Meryl! The outside is just a reflection of the inside after all. I think you have the best possible attitude.
I hope your articles come out nicely.
EMDR helps because it stimulates both sides of your brain. Sometimes trauma sort of leaves things in limbo. So instead of having emotions over a circumstance and then having our brain organize thoughts over what happened and file it away logically and as memory it sort of stays stuck as emotional.

[Priscilla]

Hi Meryl -

Wow. What a beautiful teaching. Thank you for coming out of the closet with your story :) I love the image of you stepping around the clutter and embracing the chaos. That's a great metaphor for the way I've built my meditation practice. Sometimes shelves fall down, books scatter all over the place, silence is broken and chaos ensues. But I try to notice what's happening, not judge myself too harshly, and trust that I will examine the chaos, clean up the clutter and rebuild shelves if and when I need to...

As far as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing:)
By watching the lights flash from left to right and right to left, over and over again, my therapist helped me to bilaterally stimulate the left and right sides of my brain. As she explained EMDR to me, we experience emotional events on the right side of our brain, and then they're processed and categorized on the left side of our brains. But when we experience traumatic events, those memories often become frozen on the right side of our brains, and stay lodged in the more primitive regions of our brains (and bodies.) EMDR's bilateral stimulation actually helps us to reprocess those frozen memories.

[Meryl]

Thanks, Kim and Priscilla, for the clear explanations of EMDR. I'm intrigued to research that further--could be a magazine article in the works. (I frequently write about health topics.)

After a week of busy deadlines and then a weekend away at the beach (our kids are both away, so my husband and I figured we should be, too!), today I am dealing with the fallen closet. What's most interesting is that, since I let it go so many days from the "trauma" of its first falling, as I'm picking up the stuff and moving it out of the closet (which will have to be rebuilt), I feel no attachment to the problem; it feels almost as if it's someone else's closet and I'm just assisting. I'm even kind of looking forward to having a new, better organized closet. It's such an interesting reminder that a little time and space minimizes pretty much everything into no big deal.

Watch for prompts of the next part of the book by tomorrow.

Namaste!
Meryl Davids Landau

[ACE]

While I loved the description of all the different types of therapy and meditation she was exposed to I could not get over how not attainable/sustainable some of these adventures would be for me personally and many people I know who suffer from panic and anxiety attacks. Every expert seemed a call away, a friend of a friend or through a very expensive retreat.

[[deleted user]]

Hi Alexandra -- I also had the same thought, and I'm lucky to have gone to some places where I could at least be part of a group that sees some of these folks from a distance, LOL! Personally I hope that through my own struggling, learning and experiences of yogic practices I can help make them more accessible to others who might not have the means (or be intimidated by them because of their assumptions). I wonder whether that was part of Priscilla's intent in writing the book? To provide people with clues about what they might read about, listen to, etc. to help themselves with their condition?

[Meryl]

Alexandra wrote: "While I loved the description of all the different types of therapy and meditation she was exposed to I could not get over how not attainable/sustainable some of these adventures would be for me pe..."

A really good observation. As someone writing a book, she was able to call these experts and have them meet with her--something a regular person wouldn't have access to.

But I agree with Jen that the result is that the reader gets a sampling of so many different approaches, and maybe one or two will jump out to each person as something they might want to try. I don't think anyone who wasn't writing a book on slaying panic would actually leap from one thing to another as quickly and extensively as Priscilla does for the purposes of writing this book.

Alexandra, I am curious which therapies/meditations you were particularly drawn to after reading about them. Please do share if you feel so inclined.

Meryl Davids Landau

[Betsy]

I agree with alexandra, yet have found many such resources in my community. Most were inexpensive. I also have found contemplative prayer to be helpful.

[ACE]

Personally I think guided meditation would be the method I would be most likely to try and stick to. I think the amount of resources available are dependent on where you live but I think it is important that, like Betsy, we search for them in our community. I am excited to start my own journey in the new year and this book has def given me a great starting point.

[Julie]

Alexandra wrote: "Personally I think guided meditation would be the method I would be most likely to try and stick to. I think the amount of resources available are dependent on where you live but I think it is impo..."

Alexandra, I love guided meditation. It helps my panic attacks tremendously. I also understand where you are coming from regarding your earlier post where everything was accessible to Priscilla. Thank God we have authors who can get the "skinny" on this information and pass it on to us!

I consider Priscilla's book an arsenal of weapons to use against anxiety, and I absolutely love it. However, it is difficult for me to attempt a lot of what she has done because panic attacks limit me from traveling.

I think we all have varying degrees of anxiety in our lives.... from daily stress, anxiety, panic attacks, to full-blown panic disorder.

It's not the expense that stops me from trying Priscilla's wonderful techniques, because I would give an arm and a leg to be well and free from panic. It's getting there that's the problem.....

[Priscilla]

Hi everyone -

Glad to see this thread is still active!

I did have access to many wonderful teachers and therapists because I was writing a book, and I did get an advance and budget for the retreats I attended. But I also tried to construct an experience which others could replicate, on their own, in their own ways, in their communities.

Dharmaseed.org is a terrific website where you can download many dharma talks for free, and give a donation. I mention it in my resources section at the back of Learning to Breathe. Also, Belleruth Naparstek's guided imagery CDs are a terrific investment, as are all of my teachers' guided meditations, available as CDs or downloads, often at public libraries.

Many of the teachers I studied with do travel all over the country, and lectures by people like Sharon Salzberg, Jack Kornfield, Sylvia Boorstein, Tara Brach, Robert Thurman and Rabbi Jacobson cost about the same price as a movie and bucket of popcorn, with long lasting results!

Many thanks again to everyone, for this wonderful opportunity to connect. Here's a link to the Resources section of my website: http://priscillawarnerbooks.com/learn...

[ACE]

Priscilla wrote: "Hi everyone -

Glad to see this thread is still active!

I did have access to many wonderful teachers and therapists because I was writing a book, and I did get an advance and budget for the retrea..."

Thank you for sharing that information Priscilla. I guess like anything worth doing it is about making it a priority and going out there in search of what is possible and feasible for us as individuals.

[Shanti]

It's great to read Priscilla's journey through the different techniques and it felt like each one made a positive impact on her healing, bringing fresh perspective, light, and awareness. As Alexandra said, "anything worth doing is about making it a priority and going out there in search of what is possible...". Hearing firsthand about the specific practices from Priscilla offers a great insight into each one. I'd love to try EMDR because it sounds great to reset and balance both sides of the brain, even though I think many yoga practices help with "reprocessing frozen memories" as well.

I loved reading about Julie's "art therapy" experience and could totally relate to Jenene's comment about feeling disconnected from her art even while working as an art director! I think it's true that relaxing is essential to connect with creativity and the inner benefits of engaging in art experiences. Drawing the Buddha and learning the techniques of any sacred art form like thangkas or yantras / mandalas seems to be another great way to access a sense of balance and symmetry within ourselves. Reading Priscilla's experiences makes me wish to do more of that and I admit I feel like Meryl, slightly jealous, then determined to put it higher on my personal wish list.

I think trauma is something everyone has experienced, and each of us processes it differently. I once had an astrologer explain some of my own issues and challenges in terms of past trauma, and like Priscilla I bristled. Then I realized that it actually did make sense and help me to be more compassionate and accepting of my own emotional reactions to certain situations. While I don't believe that trauma is necessary to succeed or excel, I think that it can be used as fuel to transform our lives in positive ways and be more caring towards others.

Memory releases from our physical bodies are amazing to me. I think the more mindful and tuned in we are to what we feel physically in any given moment, the easier it becomes to release whatever is stuck and let it go with every breath, honoring that each time the "silence is broken and chaos ensues", whether it's Meryl's shelves falling or the countless other events that challenge our inner peace in each moment.

Great question, Meryl! Great book, Priscilla! Great comments, everyone... Thank you for sharing.

[Lisa]

Art therapy (drawing the Buddha)
-I do my own kind of art therapy, I like to paint pottery, crochet, and make scrapbooks! I feel peaceful and enjoy the quiet solitude that these therapies provide.

Belleruth's guided visualization CDs (and meeting her in person!),
-Ok, jealous ;) I use a guided meditations as a part of my meditation, I find them to be very helpful in my beginning practice.

When Priscilla first hears that she panics because she's experienced trauma, she initially bristles at the word. Do you think the word trauma is appropriate here? For those of you with your own anxiety issues, do you believe your own past traumas have contributed to your own hair-trigger panic?

- I do think that trauma is a good word to describe what is going on for Priscilla, life events affect us more that we care to admit sometimes. Reading about Priscilla's discovery of her past trauma has enlightened me to look at my own history and connect the dots to how it relates to my anxiety.

Dr. Scaer tells her, "Some of the people who accomplished the most in life had a lot of trauma in their history, like Mother Teresa, Gandhi...." Do you believe that trauma can be a positive motivating force? Do you think one needs trauma to be especially successful?

- I don't think it is a requirement to experience trauma to be successful. I think each person is unique and their experiences good or bad determine their success rate. I do believe that for some people trauma can be positive and motivating, Mother Teresa is a great example.

Priscilla feels a memory release in her collarbone during her first Trager session. What do you think was going on there? Has this ever happened to you?

- Well I have broken my collarbone! I can relate on that level :) I was a young child and had a fall, my parents didn't notice that I had injured myself for at least a week!! It looks slightly different than it should, possibly didn't heal properly and sticks out a bit. Reading about Priscilla's experience makes me wonder how my own trauma has affected me.

[Meryl]

Hey Lisa:

Thanks for adding your comments! You're bringing back great memories for me of a meaningful book, not to mention a wonderful author whom I had the honor of having coffee with in New York last year.

I'm glad you felt moved to weigh in. I'm especially appreciating your comments about physical traumas we're not even conscious of. Food for thought for me.

[Lisa]

Meryl,

I really enjoyed Priscilla's book and joining in the discussion, better late than never ;) I am hoping to read "Yoga Bitch" soon and add my thoughts to that discussion as well. (oh and that coffee date with Priscilla must have been positively wonderful)

Lisa

[Meryl]

Lisa:

Did you read the other comments in these threads? Priscilla joined our discussion and her insights were, well, insightful (and delightful)!