Patrick and Brad's relationship

[Tatiana]

How do you feel about Patrick and Brad's relationship? Do you think Patrick is understanding of Brad's feelings? What chance at a relationship do they have? Do you think that you can have a 'true' relationship built on secrets?

[Absentminded]

Their relationship reminds me of Oscar Wilde and Alfred "Bosie" Douglas. Patrick is totally understanding of Brad's feelings, even defends him on more than one occasion. But the strong homophobic environment that surrounds Brad, not to mention the constant need to keep up the facade of machismo (whether in the football team or before his father) takes a toll on their relationship. As for keeping secrets in a relationship, sometimes it cannot be helped. But it is equally true that a relationship based on secrets usually doesn't last long.

[Grace]

Tatiana wrote: "Do you think that you can have a 'true' relationship built on secrets? "

I think it depends on who you're keeping the secrets from - why - and for how long.

I would say that you can't have a true relationship if you're keeping secrets from your partner. On the other hand, there are times when it's necessary to keep relationships secret from those who aren't involved in the relationships - as in this book where Brad and Peter have to meet secretly because of the implied homophobia of Brad's friends and family.

[SPOILER]

The real tragedy is that Brad and Peter are prevented from continuing with their loving and (presumably) monogamous relationship when it's discovered by Brad's father. Because of prevalent homophobia they both resort to the very risky practice of picking up anonymous partners in a public park.

[Tatiana]

I like your point, Grace about Brad and Patrick being pushed into risky behavior. It's sad that Brad's (or any gay teen's) parents would prefer their kid's "unsuitable" sexuality suppressed and hidden rather than explored in a healthy way.

[Grace]

Tatiana wrote: "It's sad that Brad's (or any gay teen's) parents would prefer their kid's "unsuitable" sexuality suppressed and hidden rather than explored in a healthy way."

I believe that there's a fundamental misunderstanding at the root of most homophobia - many people believe that one chooses to be gay. If you understand that homosexuality isn't a choice, you start to view homosexual relationships in a new light.

At one time, homosexuality was considered to be a mental disease - something that could be treated or cured. It took a long time for health care professionals to realize that homosexuality isn't a disease - it's something you are. Sadly, there are many people who still maintain the old attitudes because that's what they've been told by their parents and other uninformed (or closed-minded) people.

Brad's father is one of these old-school types. He thinks he can control his son's sexuality in the same way he controls his son's other choices. Unfortunately, Brad's father is also one of those people who take a very literal interpretation of the old adage "spare the rod and spoil the child".

[Oscar]

I agree with much of what has already been said.

Aside from the fact that both Patrick and Brad have to deal with homophobia, they are young guys, who are exploring their sexuality fully for the first time and are confused by it. In that regard, their experience does share some parallels with other characters who despite being straight are trying to figure out what they want in a relationship.

As far as the secrets go, its difficult, since relationships should ideally be open. However, unfortunately, there have been people who have had to kept their homosexual relationship hidden and somehow made it work on some level. In reality, it is unfortunate, that Patrick and Brad broke up and we didn't get to see how it would had progressed. It is possible that despite the homophobia present, they might have matured and built some form of support that would had allowed them to become more open.

I do echo the thought that it is unfortunate that they went from that relationship towards more risky behavior, and thus, internalizing the belief that gay sexuality is antisocial behavior that should be kept secret.

[Angie, YA lovin mod!!]

This is the one part of the book that I was truly moved by.
It makes me realize why teens hide their sexuality. Sometimes I forget just how behind closed doors there is still racism and discrimination. I don't think Brad and Patrick ever have a chance of having a relationship again. I think (though I would hope not) Brad might always see his homosexual feelings to be dirty because of his dad the same way Charlie feels sex is dirty because of his aunt.

What I liked about this part of the story is maybe it will get people thinking more about homosexuality and how we as a society feel about it. Speaking for myself, why do we have such issues as a society who someone loves if they are happy. Charlie noticed the difference in Brad them moment he came back to school. His whole personality changed. I hope that in the future Patrick finds people who are open minded and Brad too.

I agree about when you aren't allowed to express your sexuality in a health way you will go in a bad direction. It reminds me of Tim Haggard here in Colorado Springs. He was a big preacher here and then a story broke about a homosexual relationship (which he preached against) and then he was fired or whatever. Well now God has taken the homosexuality out of him and he is better. Sad.

[Grace]

Angie wrote: "...Speaking for myself, why do we have such issues as a society who someone loves if they are happy. ..."

Sadly, it mainly comes down to religion. I'm sure you've heard the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Many people believe that the reason those two cities were destroyed by God was because their citizens practiced homosexuality - and that's often given as the reason why homosexuality is a sin and "an abomination unto God."

Of course, if people read the story very carefully (instead of accepting what they're told) they might conclude that the cities were destroyed because their citizens customarily raped strangers who happened to stop there.