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Ally's writing
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[deleted user]
(new)
Nov 11, 2011 06:53AM
LOVE IT SO FAR. Is it okay if I point out some weird phrasings and stuff like that?
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Just a quick suggestion. When you wrote this:
"Mom, Jessie is coming to pick me to go to a party. After her and I are going back to her house. Love ya, bye."
I was thinking the second sentence sounded a bit...uncomfortable. Maybe it could be phrased:
"Mom, Jessie is coming to pick me to go to a party. Afterwards she and I are going back to her house. Love ya, bye."
Just a suggestions. :)
"Mom, Jessie is coming to pick me to go to a party. After her and I are going back to her house. Love ya, bye."
I was thinking the second sentence sounded a bit...uncomfortable. Maybe it could be phrased:
"Mom, Jessie is coming to pick me to go to a party. Afterwards she and I are going back to her house. Love ya, bye."
Just a suggestions. :)
