I <3 to read and write!!!! discussion

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Post your stories here! > Ally's writing

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

LOVE IT SO FAR. Is it okay if I point out some weird phrasings and stuff like that?


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

:) Okay.


message 3: by [deleted user] (last edited Nov 11, 2011 07:19AM) (new)

Just a quick suggestion. When you wrote this:

"Mom, Jessie is coming to pick me to go to a party. After her and I are going back to her house. Love ya, bye."

I was thinking the second sentence sounded a bit...uncomfortable. Maybe it could be phrased:

"Mom, Jessie is coming to pick me to go to a party. Afterwards she and I are going back to her house. Love ya, bye."

Just a suggestions. :)


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

no problem. :)


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