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It Came From the Internet
message 351:
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CartoonistAndre
(new)
Dec 21, 2014 05:09PM
Joel- I'm not too worried about getting wodehoused in this neighborhood, I mean, it sounds like something literate, middle/upper-class kids would aspire to as 'really cool'. In this neighborhood the kids old enough to buy those spray paint cans would probably come up totally blank in the middle of quoting something from Sesame Street.
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Just a note to add to the 'It Came From The Internet' section. I was proud, no, I was suffused with elation, when I received an email from the Goodreads crew announcing that I had read exactly 3, yes that's 3 books this year! A masterful achievement, my red letter day! And, as an added bonus, they could easily and swiftly calculate the amount of pages it consisted of! Meanwhile three is roughly the amount of books I average per week... Counting the comic books, of course. ; )
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You're all ahead of me. It has never occurred toe to track whatever I read! Sometimes I remember to post it here on Goodreads but most of the time I don't remember.
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The sad thing is, mine was acurate at one book a month. Can I count bills? Read lots of them...
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One book a month is nothing to be ashamed of. Sad to say, that's more than many people have read in a lifetime.
But how to calculate the total amount of pages I've read this year? Does the introduction count as 'pages read'? But what if I didn't read the introduction pages or the appendix, glossary and Thanks-to pages? Are they added to the total count? Just saying...
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Rebecca wrote: "You detail -oriented folks must suffer a lot."Thanks for putting it so sensitively, Rebecca. But I'm really not anally retentive- I was just having fun with that notice I received.
They say, that admitting your problem is the first step.
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OK, I'll admit it, Prep H is my friend.
And for your enjoyment, yet another bauble from the www;Why Teachers Drink
The following questions were in last year's GED examination.
(These are genuine answers).
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
Q. How is dew formed.
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs .
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.�
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant)
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
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Nah - the kids really are THAT stupid. There are three college profs in my book club, and when they get good and relaxed after chocolate and some wine, they are more than happy to tell you about the idiots they have to teach.
I was never so happy to go back to engineering after doing a two year stint as a college prof, for that very reason. There is nothing I like more than sharing the knowledge I have gained through the years. Unfortunatly that only applied to about 2% of the students I gained in my classes. I have no idea why the rest were there, but it was not to learn. Probably Mommy or Daddy insisted they go.
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Duh?
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Nah - the kids really are THAT stupid. There are three college profs in my book club, and when they get good and ..."
Yeah, but some of those answers are more smart-ass than stupid. I think they were done on purpose.
Rodney wrote: "I was never so happy to go back to engineering after doing a two year stint as a college prof, for that very reason. There is nothing I like more than sharing the knowledge I have gained through th..."I admit that most of my book reports were copied from my Classics Illustrated comic books! But I'm making up for it now!
I honestly thought my daughter and her friends were the only ones to use the term "bae" in lieu of boyfriend (and each time they did, I'd correct them and say to use "beau"). But apparently there was yet another trend I was unaware of. See other words to ban in 2015 here: http://www.lssu.edu/banished/
Lisa wrote: "I honestly thought my daughter and her friends were the only ones to use the term "bae" in lieu of boyfriend (and each time they did, I'd correct them and say to use "beau"). But apparently there w..."That was a good list and I hope they are banned. Me and my 'foodie' wife especially liked 'polar vortex' comments, they were 'rad'. Well, given time they'll hopefully get banished. The word 'groovy' died out (Thank God! or common sense) after languishing in the English language for way too many years!
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Will, please "don't help yourself" more often, that was hilarious! We watched it twice and will fwd the link to our friends. Our British ones who love to rub our noses. But honestly, I'd first thought it was taking place here (in FL- land of senior moments!) until we realized which side of the car she exited.Rebecca- I've heard only six words used myself, but since I don't text, tweet, Facebook or twerk, I'm not 'hip' to much of the new 'lingo'- I also have senior moments and might have mentally disposed of the useless information way before they become officially banished. I say: Power to the Foodie-Nation!!!
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Rebecca said: "And I say, let's wipe out the Foodie-Nation with a Polar Vortex right to the solar plexus! "I think I did that Saturday night. I went to a bat mitzvah held at a very conservative Jewish temple. The food was kosher to the extreme. My tummy is still recovering.
There are just too many ways to get in trouble. No wonder Bob shot the sheriff!https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/to...
Rodney -- sauce versus gravy is a very serious debate in New Jersey among (dare I say it?) foodies and non-foodies alike. For some reason, they insist on putting tomato gravy on their pasta here, not tomato sauce.
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Lisa wrote: "Rodney -- sauce versus gravy is a very serious debate in New Jersey among (dare I say it?) foodies and non-foodies alike. For some reason, they insist on putting tomato gravy on their pasta here, n..."New York also. My friend's wife is solid 'italiano', learned to cook from 'mama-mia', and also calls it gravy. Come to think of it an Italian contractor I worked with also called it gravy. "Atsa nice!"
Going back to the word 'foodie', it's a new culture now, with all the food channels & websites. I know I've been a lucky man lately. My wife has learned so much from the shows and sites that she experiments with more exotic sauces, rubs and gravies, aside from the standard national recipes. Now aware of 'new' ways of achieving the best taste from each recipe (like brining the meat, etc.) It's been heaven! And this after years of her saying she hated cooking, it all changed last year- she's been cooking gourmet quality recipes (only 5 star downloads for this house!) for months, so that, now, the problem becomes- there are no restaurants anywhere in our area, serving food equal to what we've been eating at home. So, I'll cop out to being a foodie, guilty as charged, 'cause I been gulping it down with so much satisfaction, it feels downright sinful. Sorry to go on like this but we just knocked off a fantastic dinner and I'm still floating.
Rodney wrote: "I'm more of a sauce man."And you seem more like a sauce man, Rodney! I like the sound of 'gravy' it just has that 'holiday' feel to it and rolls of the tongue (and onto my shirt) nicely.
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http://www.dailymondo.com/the-funnies..."
*Shiver...*
That store (AND its shoppers) frightens me.
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http://www.dailymondo.com/the-funnies..."
*Shiver...*
That store (AND its shoppers) f..."
I'm with Melki. Either frightens me, or makes me very sad. Likewise Kmart. I needed something on Xmas Eve and it was the only store available, so I ended up in there...not a pretty sight. Just a depressing place, and a couple of women in line behind me were bickering like 3rd graders: "You're rude." "You're fat and stupid."
I wanted to tell them that they were both rude, and likewise a bit on the pudgy side and clearly less than genius-level. I kept my mouth shut, but there are still teeth-marks on my tongue from biting it :D
I don't advise googling pictures of Walmart shoppers. Some things cannot be unseen!
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I wanted to tell them that they were both rude, and likewise a bit on the pudgy side and clearly less than genius-level. I kept my mouth shut, but there are still teeth-marks on my tongue from biting it :D"
It's probably a good thing you didn't pipe up in that situation. They would have kicked your ass, then sat on you.
I feel like I'm missing out on so much sometimes. I never see people shopping like that in any store!
Lisa wrote: "I feel like I'm missing out on so much sometimes. I never see people shopping like that in any store!"They don't have Walmarts or K-Marts in your area of the states? How about Olie's?
The K-marts all went out of business in south Jersey. We do have some Walmarts, though. You'd think we'd have plenty of freaks there, but I've never seen one. On the other hand, you should see some of the people who shop at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods here! I actually stepped on the ends of a man's dreadlocks when I was looking for Elderberry syrup at Whole Foods. Yes, his hair was that long. He was Caucasian, with multiple piercings in ears, nose, eyebrow, lip and cheekbone. I think I'm psychologically scarred from the incident.
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Rodney wrote: "Found this... enjoy!http://www.dailymondo.com/the-funnies..."
Wallmart seems to attract them, Target and K-mart come a close second, but on the other end of the spectrum, Neiman-Marcus has the 'haughty-attitude' that's more disconcerting than those yahoos. And there's nothing wrong with a cute little bikini top!
CartoonistAndre wrote: "there's nothing wrong with a cute little bikini top!"Unless it's on me...
I just don't look good in a bikini.
Eeeks! I tell ya, Those Russians sure do know how to train a tough dog: http://imgur.com/Nrjjfq2Meanwhile, my mutt has two beds in my office -- one under the desk, one on the other side of the room where the sun warms a corner because I know how to train a pampered dog.
Lisa wrote: "because I know how to train a pampered dog. "
Did you mean you know how to pamper a trained dog?
Sadly, no, Rodney. That's not what I mean. He's not well trained, but he's nice and cute. And he seems to think I'm the greatest being on the planet, unlike the human members of my family.
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Books mentioned in this topic
The Great Singapore Penis Panic and the Future of American Mass Hysteria (other topics)We Need to Talk About Kevin (other topics)
