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My friend's grandmother was another wild one, God bless her.

Nah - my great-aunt Elsie used hers mostly for driving to church. I did not know her in her younger, wilder days so there may have been a treed car somewhere in her past.
My, but things have been quiet lately. Other than posting a Why Shabbat Candles Are Better Than Joel's Book* topic, I'm out of ideas. Maybe we should have another contest, but first we'd need to hold a contest to decide the theme of the next contest.
*See Barbara S. Schur's Amazon review page - http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/...
*See Barbara S. Schur's Amazon review page - http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/...
Shabbat candles are over with in a few hours. My books take a little longer. That's probably why.

As some of you may recall, I have spent most of the last 25 years developing achievement tests for schools. On the news this morning, I saw that the judge who sentenced 3 Atlanta school administrators to 7 years in jail for cheating on a high-stakes test reduced their sentences from 7 years to only 3. I helped develop some of the test questions for that test and feel that the 3 year sentence is too light, so was the 7 year sentence. They should have been sentenced to a year of teaching middle school. That would learn ‘em.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/e...
This was not the first time tests I worked on made national news. There was a similar cheating scandal in Chicago several years ago. That particular scandal rated a chapter in the best selling book Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything as an example of how incentives can backfire.
My favorite cheating scandal, however, took place in Connecticut in 1996. One particular grade school in a small seashore community had gotten the highest scores on our company’s highly-rated achievement test for several years running. As a result, many yuppies from around the New York City area had started buying up houses within that schools boundaries so that they could say that their darling children were going to the best public school in the country. Prices on houses in that area more than doubled. But the superintendent of schools for the district began to smell a rat. Although the student demographics were similar throughout the school district, the methodologies that the principal of the magic grade school claimed to be using to obtain such high scores (for example, his juggling in the hallway) didn’t seem to work when they were tried in the other grade schools.
The superintendent asked our company to investigate. It turns out that electronic scanners that are used to score the number-2 pencil answer sheets have a super power. When they want to, they can detect erasures. So, the company re-ran the answer sheets for the entire district through the scanners and after a bunch of statistical magic involving PhDs, determined that there were 45% more erasures on the tests from the high-scoring school than on answer sheets of the other schools in the district, and more damning, nearly 90% of the answers that had been changed in the high scoring school were from a wrong answer to a right one. (Our statisticians pointed out that this is two standard deviations from the norm, which if you are into deviations know that that is a really good one.)
The result was that some of the home owners seemed rather upset that the $300,000 homes that they had paid $600,000 for were now only worth $300,000 sued the company and our head psychometrian for millions of dollars, saying that we were responsible for lowering property values in their fine area and because their darling children were no longer going to the best school in the country.

After marveling over the amount of time Barbara seems to have on her hands to be able to review all of her purchases, I can't help but wonder why she didn't just set the travel clock right-side-up in order to read it. She said she had to keep turning it . . .
Obviously, the woman has plenty of time on her hands regardless of the fact that she cannot figure out which way is up on a clock. I, however, seem to run out of daylight every day, hence I have had little presence here lately (and reviewed absolutely nothing on Amazon despite being a good customer). In theory, things should be settling down around the middle of the month.
Melki wrote: "If only your book came in a nice reusable plastic case like the candles."
Or burned as easily...
Or burned as easily...
Pseudo, I've managed businesses where metrics were misused and abused by those directly generating them, their supervisors, those supervisors' managers, etc. I think people either don't understand what measuring tools are for, or expect them to be more than they're capable of. When you use numbers as a weapon, it usually backfires.

As some of you may recall, I have spent most of the last 25 years developing achievement tests for schools. On the news this morning, I saw that the judge who s..."
They should add 10 years of community service on top of that sentence. Including some added hours tutoring those children whose lives they've altered. They're surely doomed to failure in the following school year. Will they need to be retested?

Before she retired, my wife worked for a office supply manufacturer. She was a customer service manager for many years, and then became the liaison with three of manufacturers largest customers--Staples, Office Max, and Walmart. Her job was to keep these beasts happy--very happy. The new customer service manager instituted a system of metrics to evaluate the customer service reps, and keep them at peak efficiently. I'm a little fuzzy on the facts here, but here's basically what happened: My wife got an irate call from Staples, saying a very large order they had submitted for a major promotion had been canceled my wife's company for some unknown reason. When my wife stormed into the customer service department, the rep who worked on the order said the order had been canceled because of some minor glitch in how the order form had been filled out. When my wife complained and explained how the rep could have resolved the issue in just a few minutes, the rep told her that she couldn't spend that much time on a single order because it would have hurt her metrics. So, it had become better to risk losing a million dollar customer rather than process one or two fewer orders in a day.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
and those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand:
To paraphrase what Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 liter of water each day,
at the end of the year we would have absorbed
more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually...
However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because alcohol has to go through a purification process
of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of shit .
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information -
I'm doing it as a public service!
Have a great week!
When did we start commemorating everything? There seems to be a day for everything under the sun; monuments keep springing up for every tragedy, minor victory and event; and people seem to hold candlelight vigils once a week whether they need to or not. How does anything manage to be special anymore?

Lisa wrote: "True dat! Do you realize this past Saturday was World Naked Gardening day? Is that really necessary? I understand that perhaps in some parts of the world, maybe in Las Angeles or whatever that coun..."
Too chilly here for gardening nekkid. And if it is warm, that means the sun is out, and I'm too red-headed to be out in the sun nekkid. So I'll keep my clothes on, to the relief of all the neighbors.
Too chilly here for gardening nekkid. And if it is warm, that means the sun is out, and I'm too red-headed to be out in the sun nekkid. So I'll keep my clothes on, to the relief of all the neighbors.
Joel wrote: "When did we start commemorating everything? There seems to be a day for everything under the sun; monuments keep springing up for every tragedy, minor victory and event; and people seem to hold ca..."
Just thought you should know that today is National Roast Leg of Lamb Day. Let the celebrations begin!
Just thought you should know that today is National Roast Leg of Lamb Day. Let the celebrations begin!

Hmm . . . should we be reading Roald Dahl's "Lamb to the Slaughter" today? Or would that only freak out our spouses/better halves?

Lisa wrote: "You know, at some point this month, "Mike the Headless Chicken Day" is celebrated. It's a floating holiday. Once it happened on my birthday (the 18th should anyone long to send flowers), but I coul..."
Woo-hoo! Third weekend in May!
http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/
I am so tempted to get a t-shirt.
Woo-hoo! Third weekend in May!
http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/
I am so tempted to get a t-shirt.
And we have THIS - http://earthsky.org/space/doomed-russ... - to look forward to tonight or tomorrow, or maybe the next day. No one knows quite where or when.
Now that's a comforting thought.
Now that's a comforting thought.

Joel wrote: "Melki, may you never run out of free time!"
Hmm. . .
Backhanded compliment or sincere wish?
Perhaps I should be revving up the cattle prod.
Hmm. . .
Backhanded compliment or sincere wish?
Perhaps I should be revving up the cattle prod.
Joel wrote: "Sincere wish. Nobody else comes up with this stuff!"
Google has been very kind to me.
And, in case you were concerned, the doomed spacecraft burned up over the Pacific Ocean last night. http://earthsky.org/space/doomed-russ...
It may have been heading for Rebecca.
Google has been very kind to me.
And, in case you were concerned, the doomed spacecraft burned up over the Pacific Ocean last night. http://earthsky.org/space/doomed-russ...
It may have been heading for Rebecca.
I'm guessing it contained at least six months worth of toilet paper. And, yes, they do use that stuff up there - http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.p...
(I had some free time today, Joel ;-P )
(I had some free time today, Joel ;-P )
Joel wrote: "In honor of Mothers Day, anybody know of any funny books with famous mothers in them?"
I can't think of any famous mother books, but I have A Mother's Kisses by Bruce Jay Friedman in my to-read stack. And there was a memorable mom in Bailey White's humorous book of essays - Mama Makes Up Her Mind and Other Dangers of Southern Living
I can't think of any famous mother books, but I have A Mother's Kisses by Bruce Jay Friedman in my to-read stack. And there was a memorable mom in Bailey White's humorous book of essays - Mama Makes Up Her Mind and Other Dangers of Southern Living

Melki wrote: "Joel wrote: "In honor of Mothers Day, anybody know of any funny books with famous mothers in them?"
I can't think of any famous mother books, but I have A Mother's Kisses by [author..."
Oh, man, I died laughing at Mama Makes up Her Mind. Got the audio, read by the author, and it's enough to kill you. We still make jokes around here about having "something like a husband."
I can't think of any famous mother books, but I have A Mother's Kisses by [author..."
Oh, man, I died laughing at Mama Makes up Her Mind. Got the audio, read by the author, and it's enough to kill you. We still make jokes around here about having "something like a husband."
Well, it's officially summer. The Funky Freezer ice cream truck made its first rounds yesterday. Unfortunately, it rounded our neighborhood twenty minutes before the school bus full of kids pulled up, so there were no takers.
And yes, it still blares a continuous loop of Turkey in the Straw, a song that has nothing to do with ice cream or summer, and in fact, has no merits whatsoever.
And yes, it still blares a continuous loop of Turkey in the Straw, a song that has nothing to do with ice cream or summer, and in fact, has no merits whatsoever.
Back in Cleveland we had one that played Biggie's "I love it when they call me Big Pop(sicle)", but it used to frighten the grown-ups.

Welcome back, Rodney! I've been so spotty in my own attendance that I didn't know you were gone, but that's okay... :D
Good to have you back, Rodney. Glad the move went smoothly.
I think it's terrific that you've got a new dog.
I think it's terrific that you've got a new dog.


Should I return it as faulty?
Still trying to get out from under a water pipe break on Memorial Day weekend. And getting the roof worked on next week. Who said that owning your own home was the American Dream?
Books mentioned in this topic
The Book of Heroic Failures (other topics)Fox in Socks (other topics)
Green Eggs and Ham (other topics)
Fox in Socks (other topics)
Fox in Socks (other topics)
More...
Authors mentioned in this topic
Katherine May (other topics)Richard Osman (other topics)
David Sedaris (other topics)
Christopher Moore (other topics)
Christopher Buckley (other topics)
More...
"
Are you thinking that might be your great aunt's Falcon? Wow. She must be quite the woman."
Quite the driver, I'd say.