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Wishing you all a Merry Christmas! Thanks for nothing in the past year! LOL just kidding people!!!!I got a Santa Clause trap for sale, to make all of your Christmases only that much merrier. 999.99 $ for a trap with motion sensors, a cage, a glue board on the cages floor, a propulsion net to catch the moving target too, and a cut out of a Alaskan Wild Tough Bikini Clad woman!
*Not guaranteed to work, cookies sold separately. Must be 2 years and older to operate this trap!
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I got a Santa Clause trap for sale, to make all of your Christmases only that much merrier. 999..."
You'd probably be better off selling Alaskan Wild Tough Bikini Clad Woman traps. If you can catch one of those, Santa seems rather superfluous.
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I got a Santa Clause trap for sale, to make all of your Christmases only that muc..."
Would you hunt an Alaskan bikini-clad woman with a bow?
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I got a Santa Clause trap for sale, to make all of your Christmases..."
Maybe a bow tied around the bumper of a new SUV...
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Yep- A trap for catching the flirtatious kind...Make more money... You guys are too funny!!!
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I thought you were supposed to tie them across the hood?
Rebecca wrote: "I thought you were supposed to tie them across the hood?"Face down...
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Count the seashells on the shower curtain
Imagine I'm clairvoyant and I read the future in soap bubbles.
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Despair, as I have no issues of that periodical in the first place...
You know something, Joel and Rodney? I knew you two were going to say that! And Will, I predict you never will have issues with that periodical.
You will be right, Lisa. It is not usually available in Civilisation. (or as you call it, Cymru)
I don't have any issues with that periodical, and I don't get the subscription either.
Apparently computers have decided we humans are not all that original. There are apparently on 6 (sometimes 7) basic plots. I'm fascinated by this article but also a little scared. http://motherboard.vice.com/read/comp...
I'm still working on the synthetic intelligence that will write it's own stories. It's a funding issue at this point. As soon as I get the cash, it's androids everywhere. what do you think will happen next Pinky?
Sounds like you need to get your droids working on a kickstarter campaign, Rodney.
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Wonder if they've been running all winter long?
My son's tuition dollars at work!
Maybe they were trying to make ice rainbows? I imagine a sprinkler frozen in action would actually be quite pretty.
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Ode to Arnold Man Carlson
For ten years we have been loved unconditionally. We have been best buds and completely inseparable. Whenever I needed someone to hug, he’s been there. Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, he’s been there, always giving me a small kiss on the nose to comfort me. He has given me so much, and never asked anything more than to just be in the same room with me. Every time I came home, he had dropped whatever he was doing to joyfully wait for me to come through the door. Always excited, that once again we were reunited.
I love my dog so much. As I go about my day, I will look over my shoulder expecting to see him plodding along behind. When I look back he won’t be there anymore. You will haunt my lap whenever I sit down. I will miss your character and personality, the deep look in your eyes when I could tell you just wanted to help with whatever activity I was doing. I will miss the lump behind my legs as I went to sleep at night. I will miss the droopy ears when you just woke up and didn’t yet have the energy to lift them in place.
Cancer closed off his bladder and there was nothing we could do to stop it. He passed away today. I wish I knew a way to fill the hole he has left in my life, but I’m glad I got the opportunity to have so much space taken in my heart for as long as I could. I will miss you buddy! I will cry many a selfish tear, not having you around. You may be gone, but the love is still there.
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Oh Rodney, I am so sorry to hear about Arnold! It sounds like you have some very sweet memories to help you find peace with his passing.
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I seem to remember at least one car ad per commercial break.
I can't help wondering who used to advertise during the network news. Nowadays you might as well call that half hour The Big Pharma/Tall Tales by Brian Williams Show .
Joel wrote: "Attention, all old folks: I was trying to remember what the evening commercials advertised before pharmaceuticals took over. Anybody's recall still go back that far?"Alka-Seltzer and denture cleaners that worked in a way similar to Alka-Seltzer.
Hmm . . . maybe they are the same things?
Cigarettes. Lots of cigarettes. Menthol, filtered, unfiltered...Before them darn pharmaceuticals hogged the screen...
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And as if Luckies and Camels weren't lethal enough they mixed in some menthol to make them even more poisonous. It's a wonder they didn't add Mustard Gas.
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There was a brand called Lark that had something added to it for flavor.I hear they're coming out with an napalm flavored E cigarette. I read it online.
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Sure, detective Wookinsum Ratcat was up to his old tricks... Framing innocent people for crimes that they did not commit..This time, it was an elderly lady who just happened to stumble on a dead corpse... Androk Mudhead... Who just happened to have a Rambo knife in his back... Who just happened to have a half devoured Chicken McNugget in his mouth... Who just happened to be wandering out on the big city streets with his manly leopard print thong and muddied over gum rubber boots, manufactured from some child labored sweat shop from somewhere overseas...
Sure, Detective Ratcat seen a suspicious character with a poster of "First Blood" in his hands... But he was running pretty fast... Even though he dropped the empty box of salted nuggets near his feet... Tarzan music played on his boom box, sure, but... And this man had on a sheep shirt as well... Oh well...
The real criminal looked fast, young, and as if he could shoulder press a few hundred sacks of chicken feathers over his head... Justice had to be served, and he was too busy texting his buddies to chase someone, that fast on his feet..
But, there was an old lady standing over the man, screaming, help, help!
Detective Ratcat yelled "Quickly, you lovely old senior citizen. Throw out the knife, try to save its wonderful blade from being tarnished from the cities local pumpkin carving competition, ever again!"
He seen her hand prints go on the knife... And it was all enough to place her hands in cuffs...
He shouted "You widow maker you! Off to jail with you" He placed the cuffs on her hands, and whipped and beat her to the prison cell where he felt justice could be sacrificed for at least the knowledge of an arrest in the local papers smut ads...
- this story has been brought to you by Rascal Attorney-
Bringing our grey area felons back onto the streets and into the inter galactic work force!
This was sent by a friend; I've received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable nature shot that I've ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking! I've sent this to most of my older friends. The younger ones probably have never seen a Falcon and wouldn't recognize it.Here's the link
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Ah, my great-aunt Elsie was a Falconer! I recognized the attractive "plumage" immediately.
Sure, Thundernose was not your average, tail wagging, beer drinking, bad rear end with tight leather suit comic book hero kind of person.Not Benji. Not Lassie. Not Snoopi who always (on top of the house) probably secretly rented out the dog house on Charlie Brown for many dark reasons that we will never prescribe to.
Thundernose was a prodigy of a relationship between a miniature Chihauhau and a German police dog. A family split between sizes of dog bowls, soft squeaky toys, and poop scoop bags, their relationship did not last long.
Leaving poor Thundernose alone to fend for himself ( his mother was a road runner, and his father took a keen interest in chasing cars), left him with a keen scent of street instinct...
Then, he met his master Mattpluck, who was only 15 years old, being bullied by a few young chicks at the corner of barnyard and manure fields..
Thundernose could smell the chicks, ever so advancing towards poor Mattpluck, pushing him unknowingly off of the fancy gravel, dusty sidewalk into the oncoming lane of slow moving tractor traffic!
Quickly, Thundernose ran towards Mattpluck, and scattered the small birds towards the hen house, where they left due to a strike on their part- their light bulb had went out at night, making it terribly cold for their stay, as mother hen played online poker at night...
Thundernose then tugged on poor Mattplucks much in style bell bottoms, until he flung forward face first just under the pigs tail that was sticking out of the beautiful muddied white colored fence near the sidewalk...
The slow moving tractor passed by, without crushing poor Mattpluck... Moving his darkened nose from under the pigtail, he could see his savoir from the blood he was coughing up due to the smell of this new mud from under his nose...
To be continued at supermarketguy.com blogspot...
Credits go to Rottingdamn ham... Best ham on the market, and yes that little piggy did go to the market!!!
Melki wrote: "Ah, my great-aunt Elsie was a Falconer! I recognized the attractive "plumage" immediately. "
Are you thinking that might be your great aunt's Falcon? Wow. She must be quite the woman.
The Humour Club
Books mentioned in this topic
The Book of Heroic Failures (other topics)Fox in Socks (other topics)
Green Eggs and Ham (other topics)
Fox in Socks (other topics)
Fox in Socks (other topics)
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Authors mentioned in this topic
Katherine May (other topics)Richard Osman (other topics)
David Sedaris (other topics)
Christopher Moore (other topics)
Christopher Buckley (other topics)
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MY ADDED COMMENT: If YOU HAVE WRITERS BLOCK, AND AFTER HOURS AND HOURS YOUR BUTT IS SQUAWKING, YOU CAN DRINK A FEW BEERS AND PRAY FOR A KICKSTART FROM HEAVEN.