The Humour Club discussion

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message 1401: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 378 comments Will wrote: "The reverse is also happening. We have a lovely lady who comes in and cleans for us once a week. To isolate her from us and us from her, we've asked her not to come in but we're still paying her."

Well done Will!

We are in an almost identical situation, in that the UK lockdown regulations forbid our very nice cleaner from coming. She must be losing virtually all her income, but still has a family and home that cost money. We have arranged for a retainer, almost equal to her basic pay, to go into her bank every month.


message 1402: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 378 comments Even when things get back to normal, this will be a long-term blow to the High Street shops, which (at least in Britain) have been steadily losing 'footfall' customers. Now that more of us are getting into the habit of online ordering and getting things delivered to our homes, the High Street shops will suffer a further decline in real shoppers. Unless they adapt: 'click-and-collect' can sometimes be a useful compromise.


message 1403: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Let's all make an effort to have a great weekend...anyway.


Corona Virus 21

Face it, right now, we need this.


message 1404: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3540 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "Let's all make an effort to have a great weekend...anyway.

I thought I would have to wait until retirement to use this meme, but . . .

description

Saturday and Sunday are pretty much the same as any other day right now.


message 1405: by Will (new)

Will Once (willonce) | 445 comments Brilliant, Martin! Great minds think alike ...

Now the really difficult question is - how do we support our local pub? They’re not open at the moment and must be losing money hand over fist.


message 1406: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 378 comments Will wrote: "Now the really difficult question is - how do we support our local pub? They’re not open at the moment and must be losing money hand over fist."

I fear that there will be a lot of second-hand pub tables and espresso coffee machines coming onto the market by the end of this year.

We are all in admiration of the staff of our NHS, and deservedly so. However, I think that shop staff also deserve praise and recognition. In a way they are also in the 'front line', but with even less personal protection than our nurses and medics. All day long they face shoppers from their checkout tills with, at most, a low quality facemask and some disposable gloves. Lets give them all a pleasant smile - after we have stood in the queue for a while before being allowed in!


message 1407: by Will (new)

Will Once (willonce) | 445 comments Agreed. There are lots of heroes these days. Taken with the toilet roll hoarders, I suppose it shows the best of us and the worst.


message 1408: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Just thought I'd drop in here and let you know I haven't dropped off the edge of the earth. Actually, I did, but we eventually managed to scramble our way back. I'm posting about it on my blog tomorrow...


message 1409: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3540 comments Mod
Anyone have any idea why Pepperidge Farm cookies are so expensive - $3.69 for a small bag that, yeah, I could easily eat in one sitting, yet an entire Pepperidge Farm cake routinely sells for $2.50?

(All this sheltering at home has left my mind free for deep thoughts such as these.)


message 1410: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1587 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "Anyone have any idea why Pepperidge Farm cookies are so expensive - $3.69 for a small bag that, yeah, I could easily eat in one sitting, yet an entire Pepperidge Farm cake routinely sells for $2.50..."

The government realized they could generate revenue by taxing PF cookies like they do gasoline. The actual cost of the cookies is really only $1.199.


message 1411: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
I'm guessing Joel's right. Either that or their cookies are a lot better than their cakes. Pricing is what the market will bear, after all.


message 1412: by Jay (last edited Apr 06, 2020 01:27PM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Rebecca wrote: "...Pricing is what the market will bear, after all."

Actually, that's a fairly modern concept.

Traditionally, "price" is the cost of materials and labor to make a finished product or service marketable, plus shipping, advertising, and other related costs, plus a reasonable profit.

In today's world, "price" is ideally a cornered market, preferably for a product or service where lives hang in the balance, then price gouge the sh** out of your fellow human beings even if they face unimaginable suffering or death, while shifting all blame to ANYONE ELSE AVAILABLE, such as the insurance companies, the legislature, government regulators, etc. Social responsibility is for morons.
-BONUS #1: Shift your "damage to the environment costs" onto the consumer, or just ignore them until they qualify for a SuperFund cleanup. (So mishandled waste kills a few critters. No one swims in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and, eventually, the critters that are left will eat that Texas-size gob of floating plastic garbage anyway.) Tree hugging is for morons.
-BONUS #2: If the market turns down, or your greed threatens to destroy the entire world economy due to criminal financial manipulations, withhold campaign contributions from your congressmen until your corporation gets YET ANOTHER bailout at taxpayer expense. True democracy is for morons.
-BONUS #3: Spend millions on politicians and tax lawyers in order to save billions in corporate tax liability. Paying a fair share is for morons.
-BONUS#4: It's less expensive to pay off a few outlandishly expensive injury or wrongful death lawsuits, or tie them up in court forever, than to fix most problems at the source. Empathy for others' suffering is for morons.
-BONUS#5: The neighborhood food bank doesn't serve caviar, and their clients' children don't even have a bank account or a financial statement. However, if one's sociopathic soul is as Stygian black as the ink on one's quarterly report , one can always claim ruthlessness is the new black, and simply the latest fashion trend, as they pour another round of Dom Perignon on their yacht and sail away from anything they don't want to look at. Seriously, who gives a rat's ass as long as one is rich far, far beyond one's ability to spend in a lifetime. A social conscience is for morons.

Look around. "What the market will bear" has miserably failed the vast majority of our neighbors, most of whom just want to raise their family in peace without being financially raped on a regular basis.

Sometimes, I wonder if the market can bear a little more concern for the common good.

Wait! Is that cynicism or a realistic look at the current "morality" of unrestricted capitalism? ...Oh good! Another dilemma to ponder hour after hour during this lengthy "stay at home" time!

Now that I look at it, I also wonder if I should have sent this to the 'RANT' thread.


message 1413: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Yeah, maybe, just *maybe* it was a rant :D

I didn't say that I thought "what the market will bear" was a sustainable approach, let alone a moral one. Just maybe an explanation for why the prices are different :D


message 1414: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Rebecca wrote: "Yeah, maybe, just *maybe* it was a rant :D

I didn't say that I thought "what the market will bear" was a sustainable approach, let alone a moral one. Just maybe an explanation for why the prices a..."


What can I say, I get riled up when anyone mentions overpriced cookies.


message 1415: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 378 comments This seems to be an appropriate time to read Defoe's "A journal of the plague year". I have had a nice Folio Society edition sitting, in its slipcase, on my bookshelves for many years. Unread, apart from looking at Peter Pendrey's modern woodcuts that illustrate it. I find it surprisingly readable, and also timely. Defoe describes some of the apparitions, claimed to have been seen by some and believed in by many. Comets were apparently seen above London, and believed to warn of disaster.
It is so similar to the misinformation, 'fake news' and conspiracy rumours circulating now about the Covid-19 pandemic. Here in Britain there has been a spate of attacks damaging mobile/cell phone masts because of some rumour circulating on social media linking 5G with the virus!
Defoe's book is so readable that one forgets that it was fictional. He was only about 5 years old in 1665 and this book was not published until 1722. He must have drawn on the memories of many survivors, and he seems also to have used parish and other records to keep the factual parts fairly accurate.


message 1416: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Martin wrote: "This seems to be an appropriate time to read Defoe's "A journal of the plague year". I have had a nice Folio Society edition sitting, in its slipcase, on my bookshelves for many years. Unread, apar..."

Sounds like it might be an interesting read, Martin.

Amazing isn't it, our ancestors didn't have the advantage of modern medicine, so all they could do to avoid spreading a disease is hide in their houses and social distance themselves. ...Wait a minute...


message 1417: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
We could probably learn a thing or two from how societies dealt with plague (which kept coming back...). Well, those who know how to read and think, and understand that it's good to learn from others.


message 1418: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1587 comments Mod
Martin wrote: "This seems to be an appropriate time to read Defoe's "A journal of the plague year". I have had a nice Folio Society edition sitting, in its slipcase, on my bookshelves for many years. Unread, apar..."

I named a restaurant in my latest book Delle Peste. Maybe a little prescient, though I doubt most people will get it!


message 1419: by Jay (last edited Apr 10, 2020 01:39PM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Joel wrote: "I named a restaurant in my latest book Delle Peste. Maybe a little prescient, though I doubt most people will get it!."

You're probably right, Joel, but there may be exceptions.


Corona Virus 09

(I wonder what spices one uses to combat 'bad humors' these days.)


message 1420: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1587 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "Joel wrote: "I named a restaurant in my latest book Delle Peste. Maybe a little prescient, though I doubt most people will get it!."

You're probably right, Joel, but there may be exceptions.



..."


Bravo.


message 1421: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 378 comments Rebecca wrote: "We could probably learn a thing or two from how societies dealt with plague (which kept coming back...). Well, those who know how to read and think, and understand that it's good to learn from others."

There is a passage in Defoe's 'Journal' that is particularly poignant during the present pandemic:
"... several physicians, even some of them the most eminent, and of several of the most skilful surgeons.... they ventured their lives so far as even to lose them in the service of mankind."


message 1422: by Jay (last edited Apr 14, 2020 10:18AM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Since I adopted an older dog, he tends to come up in conversations with friends occasionally. (By phone these days.) Strangely, more than one has mentioned my old dog's eventual demise. Not to be too macabre, but the variety of opinions is somewhat remarkable.

Sentimental Friend: You can get a nice pet burial plot for less than $600.

Practical Friend: Cremate him. It's only about $150.

Disavowed Whenever I'm in Public Friend: It's always free. The American south is just littered with alligator farms.

Decisions, decisions...


message 1423: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "Since I adopted an older dog, he tends to come up in conversations with friends occasionally. (By phone these days.) Strangely, more than one has mentioned my old dog's eventual demise. Not to be t..."

I thought the accepted procedure was a nice grave under the rosebushes in the back yard, but what do I know? I've never had a dog.


message 1424: by Jay (last edited Apr 14, 2020 03:25PM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Rebecca wrote: "Jay wrote: "Since I adopted an older dog, he tends to come up in conversations with friends occasionally. (By phone these days.) Strangely, more than one has mentioned my old dog's eventual demise...."

Backyard burials are illegal in some municipalities. But then, so are alligators.

LA has the best procedure. You just call the county and they send someone out at no charge to pick up the remains , which are then taken to a rendering plant. This cuts down on the number of coyotes digging for snacks in people's backyards.

Speaking of macabre, disturbing, etc... You've "never had a dog"????!!!!


message 1425: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 378 comments Rebecca wrote: " I thought the accepted procedure was a nice grave under the rosebushes in the back yard."

An old apple-tree is also good: as in this sad poem.


message 1426: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3540 comments Mod
Martin wrote: "An old apple-tree is also good: as in this sad poem. "

Very nice, Martin. Since we're posting deceased pet poems, I've always loved this one - http://www.garrisonkeillor.com/in-mem...


message 1427: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3540 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "Since I adopted an older dog, he tends to come up in conversations with friends occasionally. (By phone these days.) Strangely, more than one has mentioned my old dog's eventual demise. Not to be t..."

Congratulations on adopting an older pet, Jay. These dear creatures often sit unwanted as few people want to deal with the problems an aging pet can create.

We lost our 15-year-old golden retriever in January. Legally buried, or not, he's resting in our back yard in his favorite spot near the pond where he could keep an eye on all passing wildlife . . . particularly that evil groundhog under the shed.


message 1428: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
As for never having a dog: my mom grew up with livestock and wasn't keen on pets. As a way of stopping the whining from her kids about how much we wanted one, she agreed we would care for a cousin's dog for a couple of months. By the time we were done with that, none of us wanted a dog anymore.

If I didn't have allergies, I'd have a cat, but I've never much cared for dogs. Which isn't really true, because I've rather liked the dogs of some of my friends, and we lived for a few months back in 2018 off-and-on with a friend and her 2 corgis. The dogs were okay, their hair... ugh.


message 1429: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "Jay wrote: "Since I adopted an older dog, he tends to come up in conversations with friends occasionally. (By phone these days.) Strangely, more than one has mentioned my old dog's eventual demise...."

It took a while, but my over-the-hill mutt actually listens to commands now. So much for NOT being unable to teach an old dog new tricks.

Yes, older pets can presents some problems, however I don't find that nearly as annoying as a puppy who waters his entire world (my house) and needs constant attention to avoid growing up with one or another neurosis.

As to the evil groundhog under the shed... My 65 lb. beast seems quite content giving the local squirrels a run for their money, and giving the occasional feral cat an after-dark heart attack.


message 1430: by Jay (last edited Apr 15, 2020 12:12PM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Rebecca wrote: "...If I didn't have allergies, I'd have a cat, but I've never much cared for dogs..."

There, we differ, Rebecca. My most respectable opinion of cats is that they are violin strings on the hoof.**

Dogs on the other hand make good companions, and get my lazy butt up and moving for a daily walk.

** Don't worry, you folks at home. You'll figure it out.


message 1431: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Looking for something a little different while we're all stuck at home????

Five-thousand-year-old Egyptian tomb opens for virtual tour
Egypt’s classical wonders are off limits but a royal tomb is one of four sites where 3D modelling gives us a fascinating glimpse of antiquity.

-OR- Skip the article and go straight to the TOUR.


message 1432: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3540 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "Dogs on the other hand make good companions, and get my lazy butt up and moving for a daily walk."

'Tis said that a dog is the only piece of exercise equipment you can't ignore.


message 1433: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "Jay wrote: "Dogs on the other hand make good companions, and get my lazy butt up and moving for a daily walk."

'Tis said that a dog is the only piece of exercise equipment you can't ignore."


That is the main point in favor of them. But I cannot tell a lie: I'm actually quite good at getting my own lazy butt out the door for exercise.


message 1434: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
'We may have to ration': US food banks face shortages as demand surges

I realize many, many people are having a difficult time financially, but if you can, please consider a donation to your local food bank. Some of your neighbors have no choice but to count on the kindness of strangers to keep their children from going to bed hungry.


message 1436: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "
Gunman evaded police for nearly 12 hours and killed at least 18 in one of Canada's deadliest mass shootings


Sincere condolences to our northern neighbors."

Why do I have this sick feeling he'll turn out to be from the US?


message 1437: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
I've used store-brand eggs my entire life, but just recently, I finally figured out why people pay extra for brand-name eggs.

Is their omelet fluffier? No.

Does their cake rise higher? No.

It's bragging rights that they support hoity-toity chickens.


message 1438: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "I've used store-brand eggs my entire life, but just recently, I finally figured out why people pay extra for brand-name eggs.

Is their omelet fluffier? No.

Does their cake rise higher? No.

It's..."


Pretty much, I think. OTOH, I *do* notice a difference if I get hold of truly fresh eggs, like when a friend with chickens shares some.


message 1439: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Rebecca wrote: "Pretty much, I think. OTOH, I *do* notice a difference if I get hold of truly fresh eggs, like when a friend with chickens shares some."

Well, sure! There's always an advantage when buying direct from the manufacturer.


message 1440: by Brenda (new)

Brenda Kearns (brendakearns) | 719 comments Jay wrote: "Rebecca wrote: "Pretty much, I think. OTOH, I *do* notice a difference if I get hold of truly fresh eggs, like when a friend with chickens shares some."

Well, sure! There's always an advantage whe..."


We had free range chickens for years - there's a pretty big difference in yolk color and egg quality when you get eggs freshly-squeezed from happy chickens that eat grasshoppers all day and shit on your porch. But the store-bought brand-name eggs? Meh.


message 1441: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Brenda wrote: "We had free range chickens for years - there's a pretty big difference in yolk color and egg quality when you get eggs freshly-squeezed from happy chickens that eat grasshoppers all day and shit on your porch. But the store-bought brand-name eggs? Meh."

First, let's assume that I have no happy chicken droppings on my porch. However, I still stand by my original point.

The store brand eggs come from chickens, through a distributor, and are refrigerated all the way to the store shelf.

On the other hand...

The brand name eggs come from chickens, through a distributor, and are refrigerated all the way to the store shelf.

Clearly, there's a reason for the brand name eggs' higher pricing.


message 1442: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1587 comments Mod
And apparently it makes a difference how you get laid. Eggs, I mean.


message 1443: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 378 comments Covid-19 is the latest zoonotic disease that seems to have plagued us as a result of eating the meat of wild animals (probably bats in this case). Other recent ones include Ebola, Swine Flu, Avian Flu, SARS, 'mad cow disease' (Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy) and Creutzfeldt-Jacob Disease. Even HIV seems to have originated in wild animals. A strong case for veganism? (Just joking).


message 1444: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Martin wrote: "Covid-19 is the latest zoonotic disease that seems to have plagued us as a result of eating the meat of wild animals (probably bats in this case)...A strong case for veganism?..."

Or learning how to properly cook your bat.


message 1445: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3540 comments Mod
Martin wrote: "A strong case for veganism? (Just joking)."

There's no doubt that both mankind AND the planet would be far healthier if we ate less meat, but it's hard to change tradition and cultural attitudes. Dogs are eaten in some countries, carried around in little purses in others; cows are both revered and slaughtered. Supposedly, we should ALL be eating bugs. But, all things considered . . . I'd definitely prefer tofu to bat.


message 1446: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "all things considered . . . I'd definitely prefer tofu to bat."

Tofu???? Wouldn't you prefer some sort of food?


message 1447: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Joel wrote: "And apparently it makes a difference how you get laid. Eggs, I mean."

Best response.


message 1448: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
NOT REAL NEWS: A look at what didn’t happen this week

Does anyone else remember when reliable news sources didn't have a weekly (or daily) segment debunking fiction?


message 1449: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5436 comments Mod
Armed protesters demonstrate against Covid-19 lockdown at Michigan capitol

'Swastikas and nooses': governor slams 'racism' of Michigan lockdown protest
[Governor] Gretchen Whitmer says heavily armed men and Confederate flags at state capitol ‘depicted some of the worst racism and awful parts of our history’

Wackadoodle Update: Trump's "very good people" have made the headlines once again by bringing their swastikas and rifles to the Michigan state capitol.

Reality: The polls range from 60 to 80% of the American public supporting stay at home orders. That is, caution to prevent the spread of a possibly fatal illness, particularly to our vulnerable elderly population. Truth be told, most of us like grandma and grandpa.

Just once, I'd like to see a headline over a picture of the swastikas and rifles that reads: "The Crème de la Crème of Trump's "Very Good People" Again Protest Against Rational Thought and Common Decency."

Never gonna happen!


message 1450: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2433 comments Mod
Jay, I like your headline! Truth in advertising!


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