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[Jay]

Brena wrote: "It is perfectly normal to get weepy about them moving out. When my daughter moved 300 miles away to go to university, I took 3 day weekends off from work and visited her a couple of times I month. I cried all the way home each time. I had horrible separation anxiety."

You just did it all wrong. Leave the kids at home with the housework and lawn mowing. Then, you go off to college, toga parties, keggers, etc.

They're just kids, but we KNOW how to party.

[Joel]

Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "It is perfectly normal to get weepy about them moving out. When my daughter moved 300 miles away to go to university, I took 3 day weekends off from work and visited her a couple of t..."

Has anybody ever seen Jay and Albert Einstein in the same room? Makes you think...

[Brena]

Joel wrote: "Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "It is perfectly normal to get weepy about them moving out. When my daughter moved 300 miles away to go to university, I took 3 day weekends off from work and visited her a..."

I was just wondering about that myself. I think he should post a picture of himself.

[Joel]

Is summer really dead, or does it just smell funny?

[Brena]

Joel wrote: "Is summer really dead, or does it just smell funny?"

We are getting smoke from the Pacific Northwest fires according to the AZ Daily Star. How can that be? Smells like death to me. Molecules of cremated plants and unfortunate critters wafting our way.

[Jay]

Joel wrote: "Has anybody ever seen Jay and Albert Einstein in the same room? Makes you think... "

Okay, you got me.

[Jay]

Joel wrote: "Is summer really dead, or does it just smell funny?"

Warmth does have a tendency to bring out every available putrescent odor. But on the other hand, all the greenery lives on the rot, so perhaps the trees are just bulking up for their coming winter hibernation.

Fall is by far my preferred season. It's cooler and nature's less-than-wonderful smells have mellowed.

[Jay]

Brena wrote: "We are getting smoke from the Pacific Northwest fires according to the AZ Daily Star. How can that be?..."

Don't panic. Everybody lives downwind from something-or-other.

[Brenda]

Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "We are getting smoke from the Pacific Northwest fires according to the AZ Daily Star. How can that be?..."

Don't panic. Everybody lives downwind from something-or-other."

Unless they ARE the something-or-other...

[Rebecca]

Kids moving out...my youngest goes in a couple of weeks. But when they go off to college, you can't claim their room, because they come back so much.

[Melki]

Rebecca wrote: "Kids moving out...my youngest goes in a couple of weeks. But when they go off to college, you can't claim their room, because they come back so much."

Mine should be gone for good, but if he comes back, I've got a semi-comfy couch.

[Joel]

This afternoon I found myself driving behind a car with a bumper sticker for a skydiving school and a handicapped license plate. Coincidence?

[Brena]

Joel wrote: "This afternoon I found myself driving behind a car with a bumper sticker for a skydiving school and a handicapped license plate. Coincidence?"

I bet the skydiving school loves it. Reverse advertising?
I saw a handicapped parking place sign that said, "Lazy is not a handicap." what????
I broke my femur in grad school and still wouldn't use the handicapped parking places on campus. I was too vain? I preferred the excruciating pain of hobbling on crutches?

[Jay]

Obviously, I'm not the only one ready for summer to be over.

[Jay]

For some odd reason, people assume that core values are always wholesome. This is certainly NOT the case. Below is one prime example:

This OP-ED takes a serious look at the history of "states rights" as promoted by GOP congresses and administrations.

Conservatives and the Rotten Smell of States' Rights
But the resort to “states’ rights” is more than an effort to kick responsibility to 50 disparate entities of varying competence. It’s more than a party-wide dodge of accountability. (Although it certainly is that: By the time federal funds dry up, perhaps voters will have forgotten where, and with which party, Graham-Cassidy originated.) Above all, “states' rights” is the mechanism by which conservatives traditionally have put certain people in harm’s way, and then pretended that they never saw the truck that ran them over.

Any thoughts?

[Joel]

I just scored a complete set of the Jeeves & Wooster TV series. If anyone wants me I'll be out back, doing my happy dance.

[Daren]

Like to thank New Apple Literary for bestowing the mighty sword of Summer Ebook Humor 2017 "Crow", knighting my first ever humor EBook award!

http://www.newappleliterary.com/2017e...

There was probably only one competitor in there against me, the book of "Gigli" with Ben and Jen, but who is counting....

[Melki]

It started to rain the other evening shortly after I set out for a walk with the dog. I was surprised and delighted to see my youngest son running after me with an umbrella . . . which he proceeded to open, and hold over . . . the dog.

[Jay]

Melki wrote: "It started to rain the other evening shortly after I set out for a walk with the dog. I was surprised and delighted to see my youngest son running after me with an umbrella . . . which he proceeded..."

You have to understand the special relationship that a boy has with his dog. His dog has never once said, 'Don't do that.'

[Joel]

Melki wrote: "It started to rain the other evening shortly after I set out for a walk with the dog. I was surprised and delighted to see my youngest son running after me with an umbrella . . . which he proceeded..."

As I'm fond of saying, I love kids. I just can't bear them.

[Melki]

Jay wrote: "You have to understand the special relationship that a boy has with his dog."

One might think that if they had such a special relationship, the boy might actually be the one to walk the dog.

[Daren]

No doubt your son was thinking about a wet, soggy, dog entering the house and shaking all of his june bug, red ant, and dried up chocolate fudge ice cream ridden fur all over your fushia walls.

Sometimes kids know more than us. Sometimes I think their brains are more powerful than most... Especially government employees or postmen or women and I will not say which one so I do not get in trouble on here... Let's just keep it kosher...

[Brena]

Daren wrote: "No doubt your son was thinking about a wet, soggy, dog entering the house and shaking all of his june bug, red ant, and dried up chocolate fudge ice cream ridden fur all over your fushia walls.

So..."

Wow!

[Daren]

Of course, I am a government employee so I was making fun of myself there also... Do not take anything I put up der seriously as I am illiterate as well... A pig headed maybe ok a little bit :)

[Jay]

You can exercise yourself to death, says new study
Too much exercise can kill you, scientists have revealed.

SEE! All these years, My couch and I were merely being health conscious. ...Where's my remote?

[Brena]

Jay wrote: "
You can exercise yourself to death, says new study

Too much exercise can kill you, scientists have revealed.

SEE! All these years, My couch and I were merely being health conscious. ...Where's..."
Too much kale can kill you. I play it safe and just stay away from the stuff.

[Lisa]

Brena wrote: "Too much kale can kill you. I play it safe and just stay away from the stuff."

Asparagus, too. I worry about that stuff.

[Joel]

I think I may have missed out on something, not having been born to landed gentry.

[Brena]

Joel wrote: "I think I may have missed out on something, not having been born to landed gentry."

What do you mean? The landed gentry in Britain are now poor, live in crumbling mansions, and can't afford dental work. You may have dodged a bullet. You have teeth.

[Lisa]

Joel wrote: "I think I may have missed out on something, not having been born to landed gentry."

From what I understand, when gentry land on you it's not always fun. You're probably better off.

[Jay]

Joel wrote: "I think I may have missed out on something, not having been born to landed gentry."

But there's such a poor response these days to the HELP WANTED ads for serfs.

[Joel]

Jay wrote: "Joel wrote: "I think I may have missed out on something, not having been born to landed gentry."

But there's such a poor response these days to the HELP WANTED ads for serfs."

And what's all this about yeopersons?

[Brena]

Joel wrote: "Jay wrote: "Joel wrote: "I think I may have missed out on something, not having been born to landed gentry."

But there's such a poor response these days to the HELP WANTED ads for serfs."

And wha..."
In parts of the US there are tenant farmers. Does that count? It sounds like a nightmare. Do they blame the landlord if the weather is bad or they have a failed crop? Probably.
I have a renter I am going through the eviction process with. I have another renter who just called me to get rid of the ticks on her dog. Does this count as landed gentry?

[Jay]

Pure nonsense! We're all much too young to remember these.

[Richard]

Jay wrote: "Pure nonsense! We're all much too young to remember these."

I had one. And I had lots of fun with it too.

[Melki]

Richard wrote: "Jay wrote: "Pure nonsense! We're all much too young to remember these."

I had one. And I had lots of fun with it too."

I still have mine, she says with a sheepish grin.

[Hákon]

I didn’t, but my friend did. :-)

[Joel]

Still have one, too.

[Brena]

Has anyone ever tried to put black and white drawings in with text in Createspace? I know their program won't accept some fonts, so what will happen with drawings? Their must be a way to do it without my computer bursting into flames.

[Jay]

Brena wrote: "Has anyone ever tried to put black and white drawings in with text in Createspace? I know their program won't accept some fonts, so what will happen with drawings? Their must be a way to do it with..."

Cheap trick 947:
-Insert drawing into Word document.
-Save as PDF
-Submit PDF to Createspace

Hope this helps.

[Brena]

Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "Has anyone ever tried to put black and white drawings in with text in Createspace? I know their program won't accept some fonts, so what will happen with drawings? Their must be a way..."

I will try that...Thanks

[Rebecca]

Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "Has anyone ever tried to put black and white drawings in with text in Createspace? I know their program won't accept some fonts, so what will happen with drawings? Their must be a way..."

Yup. This is how you add any images. Tip: even if the picture you have in the Word document is in color, it'll work fine when printed in b&w. The tricky part is getting it formatted exactly the way you want.

[Rebecca]

Oh, and we had a Viewmaster too. Just not very many picture reels, so it was a bit repetitious.

[Lisa]

I never had a Viewmaster. But I did eat Silly Putty...once.

[Brena]

Rebecca wrote: "Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "Has anyone ever tried to put black and white drawings in with text in Createspace? I know their program won't accept some fonts, so what will happen with drawings? Their m..."

I won't really know if it will work until I try putting it in the createspace program. I spent 3 hours on the phone with a support guy trying to get page numbers to show, and we never did get it right. Oh well...I do the best I can.

[Jay]

Brena wrote: "I spent 3 hours on the phone with a support guy trying to get page numbers to show, and we never did get it right. Oh well...I do the best I can. .."

Brena, I recommend that you just do everything (including page numbers) in Word. Once you have everything the way you want it, save the document as a PDF and submit. Do all your editing in Word, and it will maintain whatever changes you want to make.

[Lisa]

Brenda—I agree with Jay. But if you still need help, email me. I’ll walk you through it.

[Brena]

Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "I spent 3 hours on the phone with a support guy trying to get page numbers to show, and we never did get it right. Oh well...I do the best I can. .."

Brena, I recommend that you just..."

Did that. Then sent the tech support guy the document in word, and he tried it several times. then he conferred with a couple of other tech guys, and they tried it. Finally they decided there was something wrong with the createspace program that needed to be corrected. It was a long drawn out ordeal and was never resolved. Finally I decided page numbers were for smucks and doing dog ears was the only way for readers to go.

[Brena]

Perhaps it will work with my next project. Who knows....

[Melki]

Let us pause to remember the 17th of November, and the infamous Heidi Bowl - http://www.history.com/this-day-in-hi...

The horror, the horror!