Writing Passionates discussion
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Let's write a story! (Current title The Object)
message 151:
by
Nathan
(new)
Oct 10, 2008 06:49PM
((lol ya that is exactly wat i was thinking!!!!!!)))))
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((hmmm...but could it work long distance? And remember, we said they lost the object...WAIT! I think I know...Thomas, the old dude, he stole it!))
((wait, when did it say they lost the object??Also......I think at the very end TOm and Cari should get seperated, and the object isnt supposed to work long distance. BUT THEN IT WORKS!!! Lol XD ))))
((When they first came to Thomas' shack.))
((i didnt know that. WAIT A MINUTE!!!!! i looked at the first page of the story and who are joanne and adam????)))
((jsut a sec brb dont do anything withoout me. ill b gone for a couplae of minutes))))
((holy cow nathan, good ideas.))
((They were other people in their gang thing. But the cops found them and killed them.))
((ok im back. really? that sucks for them :D lol thnx cali)))
((um anyone going to say something or wat?????)))))
((fine! ill say something..............))))
((sorry I'm on my mom's laptop and it's really freaking slow!!!!!))
((lol)))((WE totally forgot somthing!!!!! the lady that gave them the room called the police! here, ill write about that.
Police POVWe stormed through the hotel (we had been doing it a lot so i got used to it). The Woman at the desk said they checked into room 13. I snapped my fingers and 3 people rushed up stairs. I liked my new power as general. A couple seconds later they returned. "nothing sir". "what!" i screamed. I pushed my way through and trudged upstairs to room 13. I stared at the ground and saw a small stain someone had tried to bleach out. I opened the door and searched the room as some of my men came in. "Wait a second" I mutterd. "The sheets are missing! Why would someone take the sheets of all the beds?" I told a man to go find a sheet. When he returned I looked at it."of course! Its all coming together! I just need one more thing..." I rushed downstairs and barked at the woman telling me how much the rooms costed and who checked in to room 13. She relayed the information to me and I walked out the door. "where to Sir" a man said. "To the county Hospital" I told him without turning as i new he was wondering why I decided our strange destination.
((they walked out the emergency exit though . . .))
((also, i wanted to talk to some of u *cough cough* adi, about your writing. WHen you are doing first person, dont say "my knees are shaking". Say my knees shook as yadda yadda. I hope that makes it clear.)))
((*rolls eyes.* jk jk, What's the dif? it's not like we're going to get it published.))
((lol but still wats the matter with it?))
Police POVWe had reached the hospital. This time we were going to get them! "I want A Helicopter to patrol the roof! I need a squad down here at the front entrance and I want a quad of men at every opening!" They were surrounded! There was no way they could escape now. "Sir! I still am wondering why we are here!" I sighed as I explained: I found some blood at the door which obviously meant someone was hurt. I next looked at the sheets and asked the Manager what the bill was. It was a $200 room meaning the sheets had to at least be worth $18. The kids would not have enough money to pay for the hospital so they sold the sheets which I saw in a small store while coming here. Also, they will have to do a blood transplant for one of the kids meaning they will need to make a "donation". If we set a perimeter we can block off the highways and take a blood test of everyone that comes by." "SIR!" yelled a sergent. "What!" I belched. "SIR! THe man we arrested at the shack in the woods has broken out of jail!" Fear flooded my face. "GET A LEGION OF OFFICERS INSIDE NOW!!!!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. It could be to late. I wondered what would happen as I rushed into the building.
((tom pov))
I knelt next to Cari, the others all sat in a room staring out the window.
the next thing I knew Jay was shaking me awake pointing at the window, "They're here." He breathed quickly, "We need to get out. We're surrounded, we have to go now."
I knelt next to Cari, the others all sat in a room staring out the window.
the next thing I knew Jay was shaking me awake pointing at the window, "They're here." He breathed quickly, "We need to get out. We're surrounded, we have to go now."
"But what about Cari?"I said. "were you asleep?"Jay replied. "the doctor already did the transplant!" I looked amazed. "I- I picked the right one!" "What do you mean?" I realized Jay hadnt seen the note. "ill explain later. Now we have to go". I turned around and saw Thomas holding Cari. He pointed to the Hallway and We all followed him. We ran down the hallway and heard Men running from the floors above and below us. We were trapped! We ran back the other way and found a small vent. We all crawled through just as the police broke through the door. we tunnled through and found an opening in the basement. We got out and raced for the door. We opened it and heard men running through that hallway to! We ran as fast as we could down the hall as the police came through the door and yelled 'Freeze!'. We turned the corner as bullets grazed my shoulder. We ran down the east wing and found an emergency staircase leading to the roof.We ran as fast as our legs would let us and we burst through the hatch that opened to the roof. ten or twelve guards turned and started to pull out their guns. We raced and saw a helicopter taking off. The Officers had pulled out there guns and were already shooting at our backs. I heard Jay cry out as he stumbled a bit and caught a glimpse of his bloody shoulder. We leaped off the roof and grabbed the helicopters skids and held on as it carried us out of the perimeter. After about two minutes the helicopter stopped and turned around. I realized that by know they must know we were onboard. We jumped onto the nearest rooftop and watched as the helicopter flew back to the hospital.
"We can't stop here." I exclaimed. "We've got to keep going or else we'll be caught."
((lol Why are ur topics so short and mine are so long??? It kind of makes it hard to write)))))))
((i knew you'd say that. . . lol))
Jay nodded, "We have to."
Elsie walked towards me, "But where?"
"Anywhere but here." I exclaimed. Cari was a weight in my arms, but I had to keep going with her. She couldn't die either. This was all my fault. This whole situation, why we're here, and with the . . . thing.
Elsie walked towards me, "But where?"
"Anywhere but here." I exclaimed. Cari was a weight in my arms, but I had to keep going with her. She couldn't die either. This was all my fault. This whole situation, why we're here, and with the . . . thing.
(( so can u keep writing??I need to rest from writing for a while but I hope ur likeing my ideas)))
((they're good. but after i started roleplays, i'm just short.))
We walked down the building, together in a group, and came across some trees, the only idea we had was to got through in the darkness, and try and find a place to hide for a while, and rest for the night.
We walked down the building, together in a group, and came across some trees, the only idea we had was to got through in the darkness, and try and find a place to hide for a while, and rest for the night.
((by the way, Cari is in Tomas's arms not toms.)))
(((ok im getting tired of this. Im going to log off. c ya)))
((HIIIIIII!!!!))I looked at Cari in Thomas's arms. She slept so peacefully. Now the guilt was really coming on about hitting her with that lamp, I had gotten us into this whole police mess!
And then I thought back to the police, they are going to look through the blood records, but thankfully we put fake names!
I looked at Cari one more time, and looked away, I had almost killed her!
((that should fix up a few things!))
I felt my eyes water with guilt.Don't feel bad Tom.
Was I hearing voices?
((lol))
But I ignored it. At least she was alive. She may never forgive me for this though.
But I ignored it. At least she was alive. She may never forgive me for this though.
((btw Toli, They cant look at the blood records because they are out of the perimeter. And evan if they do, Remember Thomas made a fake record???)))
((ermmm yea thats wi i said they put down fakenames....))tom seriously, listen to me....
I shook my head, what are these voices?
((how do u do the different writing?!))No uh duh Tom....I'm your concience!
really?
no! Tom its me Cari! the object is somehow making us able to communicate through esp!
((click on (some html is ok) when you post a comment, it should be there. if not you do this word minus the star.))
Cari? Are you going to be ok?Yea i'm fine tom, my body just has to relax for a little bit.
oh good.
Writing Passionates
Books mentioned in this topic
Heat Wave: A Social Autopsy of Disaster in Chicago (other topics)Life Application Study Bible: NIV (other topics)
The Shack (other topics)
