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critique corner > Please read my story- I want advice

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message 2: by M.L. (new)

M.L. Bushman | 144 comments I think you've got a good premise. You definitely woke my curiosity, always a good thing. A couple of notes here:

Throw up = vomit, blowing chunks, upchuck, expelled waste. Vary your word usage. Throw up is not the best term to use and then use repeatedly.

If you have to explain to the readers at the outset how to read your story, then you have not done your job as a writer. Don't explain the dreams are in italics. Just write them that way and let your beta readers tell you whether or not it worked. You'll know by the type of questions they do or don't ask.

Overall though, the excerpt was very good. Keep going.

Mari


message 3: by April (new)

April (tifa_cloud) | 3 comments that was so cool......
i hope the next chapter will be soon,,,,,

Tifa


message 4: by Seth (new)

Seth (ninjaaaaaofwritingbooks) well thanks for reading


message 5: by Leah (new)

Leah (leahmaree1992) | 3 comments I agree with M.I. - to vary the word usage on the words 'throw up'. It sounds interesting, and you've definitely got me wanting to read more!! ;-)


message 6: by Seth (new)

Seth (ninjaaaaaofwritingbooks) oh thanks!


message 7: by ASJ Publishing (new)

ASJ Publishing (asjpublishing) | 3 comments You have some talent there Seth. Keep working on your writing.


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