Please read my story- I want advice

[Seth]

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


That is the link

[M.L.]

I think you've got a good premise. You definitely woke my curiosity, always a good thing. A couple of notes here:

Throw up = vomit, blowing chunks, upchuck, expelled waste. Vary your word usage. Throw up is not the best term to use and then use repeatedly.

If you have to explain to the readers at the outset how to read your story, then you have not done your job as a writer. Don't explain the dreams are in italics. Just write them that way and let your beta readers tell you whether or not it worked. You'll know by the type of questions they do or don't ask.

Overall though, the excerpt was very good. Keep going.

Mari

[April]

that was so cool......
i hope the next chapter will be soon,,,,,

Tifa

[Seth]

well thanks for reading

[Leah]

I agree with M.I. - to vary the word usage on the words 'throw up'. It sounds interesting, and you've definitely got me wanting to read more!! ;-)

[Seth]

oh thanks!