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message 1: by Kelsey (new)

Kelsey (kelseynicole) So i was going through my emails and i came across one that literally had me crying because i was laughing so hard..but then again i am easily amused and laugh at anything and everything..So i wanted to post it here for yall to read! Feel free to add your jokes here!!

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, ' When I am worried about getting nervous on
the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get
nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on
the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Chris t as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and
the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he
was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'take this
and
eat it for it is my body.' He did not say ' Eat me'

12) The Virgin Mary is not called ' Mary with the Cherry,

13) the recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for the
grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


message 2: by Janet (new)

Janet Haha that was so funny!! I love stupid humor like that!!


message 3: by Kelsey (new)

Kelsey (kelseynicole) me 2!! i have such a crazy sense of humor. lol


message 4: by Jamie (The Perpetual Page-Turner), The Founding Bookworm (new)

Jamie (The Perpetual Page-Turner) (perpetualpageturner) | 4407 comments Mod
haha this was really funny! i had to share it with my sister and my bf


message 5: by Katerina (new)

Katerina | 252 comments LMAO!


message 6: by Jen (new)

Jen (wishesandwanderlust) | 696 comments Q. What did the spider do on the computer?

A. Made a website!

I thought it was cute! A little kid told me the other day.


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