Young Writers discussion
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Make fun of my old writing.
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Elliott
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May 12, 2012 01:21PM
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message 403:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Gah yes. I'm still getting used to it. I took both a writing and playwriting class last year which involved a lot of reading aloud to small groups or the entire class. And same with this year ... I've taken a couple of writing classes that involved a lot of workshopping.
It's still somewhat intimidating, but I feel like I'm getting better at it. It doesn't freak me out as much as it used to. In my experience, everyone else was really helpful and encouraging––I mean, they would have things to criticize but I would almost always agree with what they were saying and wouldn't feel I was being personally attacked or anything. So yeah, it's not quite as scary anymore. And it sounds like the group you work with is really helpful. :)
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Lav [pourquoi tu gâches ta vie] wrote: "OH THAT IS AWKWARD. Why'd you have to read it out loud?"We all had to for our grade.
I had to go last because my story was 17 pages long. When I got to the kissing scene I got really quiet and read it really fast.
And then my teacher decides to tell my mother that I wrote a story with a kissing scene, and my mom acted all weird about it and BOOM. Extreme protectiveness over my stories was born.
Yep.And my writing is like 100 times worse (in a darker and dirtier sort of way) so there is no way in heck my parents will ever read what I write.
RACHEL OMG HI.Heheh I haven't actually ever read any of my writing aloud.
GUYS I FOUND MY FIRST GRADE WRITING JOURNAL AND YES I MUST AMAZE YOU ALL NOW WITH INFINITE D'AWs.Nov. 13, 2001
I yousheley have bad dreams, but, last night I didn’t have a dream at all! I have a freind liveing near the fairgrounds and a few nights ago I was at his house and we went as close as we could go to the fairgrounds and we saw a man and we got on our bikes and rode away.
Nov. 29, 2001
Winter is coming and it’s gona snow. Christmas will come! You’ll get presents!
I like winter.
I like to sled in the winter.
I like to make snowmen.
I like to make snowangles.
I got to drink hot chocklate last night. It’s fun to make snowcastles. (?) I like to open my mouth and catch snowflakes. I like looktng at decorated houses. everybody should like winter. my hole famil likes winter.
I’ll make snowballs.
It snowed last night!
If I find my mitens I’ll wear them.
Jan. 3, 2002
On Christmas my cusoin came to my house.
I got roller shoes.
I got pez. I had a bad day. My cusoi wouldn’t stop buging me. When my cusoin left Kirstie and me were proud. I went to my grandmas.
Jan. 11, 2002
In winter you can go sleding. Bears hibernate. Seeds stay underground. You can have a snowball fight. You can build a snowman. You can drink hot chocolate. You can make a snow angel. You can make tracks in the snow. You can build a snow fort.
Jan. 15, 2002
Kayla started going to my church. Brent and I started making paper jets out of our work. Outside I flew my paper jet and it landed on the roof. Brent droped his on theroad when there was a car coming and it was time to go hom. we ate together. When Brent got home he made onehundred paper jets. when I got home I made a few paper jets.
Jan. 4, 2002
The ice storm a tree leand oreo (I think I was trying to say over, but it says oreo.) on my house when Ethan and Jadon were there and lims fell off. It made a big crash. We thought it was lightning. My sister and I roller bladed together because it was the only thing to do since trees and tree lims fell off I only have one more tree to fall. On sunday my sister got sick.
THE END.
message 411:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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When Brent got home he made onehundred paper jets. when I got home I made a few paper jets.
Well now, SOMEONE'S an over-achiever ...
~Yue~ [Starless Nights Will Cover Day] wrote: "Omfg why don't you write like this anymore? I am so disappointed in you."Oh, Yue, I'm disappointed in myself.
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "HAHAHA that is precious. XD
When Brent got home he made onehundred paper jets. when I got home I made a few paper jets.
Well now, SOMEONE'S an over-achiever ..."
*Bows* I found that line pretty funny too.
~Yue~ [Starless Nights Will Cover Day] wrote: "Omfg why don't you write like this anymore? I am so disappointed in you."COLBY YOU WERE SO ADORABLE!
Colby wrote: "GUYS I FOUND MY FIRST GRADE WRITING JOURNAL AND YES I MUST AMAZE YOU ALL NOW WITH INFINITE D'AWs.Nov. 13, 2001
I yousheley have bad dreams, but, last night I didn’t have a dream at all! I have a ..."
Ha ha ha. XD My journals weren't adorable. They were... I don't know. I have like the first half of my second grade journal on Goodreads... I think.
Holden wrote: ""We went as close as we could go to the fairgrounds and we saw a man and we got on our bikes and rode away.""HOLDEN. I haven't talked to you in forever, I feel like. So hi.
Emily [Just call me Mrs. Rogers] wrote: "Colby wrote: "GUYS I FOUND MY FIRST GRADE WRITING JOURNAL AND YES I MUST AMAZE YOU ALL NOW WITH INFINITE D'AWs.
Nov. 13, 2001
I yousheley have bad dreams, but, last night I didn’t have a dream at ..."
Hush, I'm sure baby-you was awesome.
Maddie*I hear in my mind all of these voices* wrote: "~Yue~ [Starless Nights Will Cover Day] wrote: "Omfg why don't you write like this anymore? I am so disappointed in you."
COLBY YOU WERE SO ADORABLE!"
Were?
Touche. I guess I prefer the masculinity...although I think I could use a smidgen more. XD
Holden wrote: "Colby wrote: "Holden wrote: ""We went as close as we could go to the fairgrounds and we saw a man and we got on our bikes and rode away.""HOLDEN. I haven't talked to you in forever, I feel like. ..."
*puts on cow suit*
Colby wrote: "Holden wrote: "Colby wrote: "Holden wrote: ""We went as close as we could go to the fairgrounds and we saw a man and we got on our bikes and rode away.""HOLDEN. I haven't talked to you in forever..."
...Okay then. XD *pets Colby cow*
Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. That was weird but I'm not going to let this topic die. It rocks.
I wrote this two page story about my friend and I who are fairies. We lost our adorable puppy fairies. Then I stopped writing it. I threw it away though.
I guess I was a violent girl in third grade because this is one of my journal entries.
Christmas Day!
We got a Wii for Christmas! It is awesome but there is a problem!
Problem: Jonah (my brother) will not get off his stupid Star Wars game for the Wii! Jonah is a piece of selfish scum! (he isn't)
Ideas for Solution:
1.Act nice and kindly ask
2.Threaten
3.Threaten to tell parents
4.Fight for controller
5.During his bathroom break steal controller
6.Tell parents
7. Get revenge
Plan for Action: I will tie his pant legs so tightly that he can't untie them and he has to wear dirty pants.
Well I didn't end up doing that. Jonah let me play Wii. I don't even remember thinking that. Good times.
I wrote this two page story about my friend and I who are fairies. We lost our adorable puppy fairies. Then I stopped writing it. I threw it away though.
I guess I was a violent girl in third grade because this is one of my journal entries.
Christmas Day!
We got a Wii for Christmas! It is awesome but there is a problem!
Problem: Jonah (my brother) will not get off his stupid Star Wars game for the Wii! Jonah is a piece of selfish scum! (he isn't)
Ideas for Solution:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7. Get revenge
Plan for Action: I will tie his pant legs so tightly that he can't untie them and he has to wear dirty pants.
Well I didn't end up doing that. Jonah let me play Wii. I don't even remember thinking that. Good times.
Isabelle wrote: "Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. That was weird but I'm not going to let this topic die. It rocks.I wrote this two page story about my friend and I who are fairies. We lost our adorable puppy fairies. Th..."
*applauds brilliance*
I saw this topic and I was like, oooooh! Fun! So then I found a whole bunch of diary entries. I corrected them so that you can actually read them. 3/17/06
Kate came over and when she was there I lost my tooth!
Me now: should be "when she was here" but okay.
4/9/06
We are driving to New York. It will be a long drive.
4/11/06
We are on a boat. The waves are crashing against the side. We are going to see the Statue of Liberty.
Me now: Oh! The Ellis Island Ferry!
9/2/06
School is starting in two days! I'm in first grade!
11/9/06
I went to the SPCA with my Brownie troop. We learned what to do if you see a stray dog or cat. You stand like a tree. When you can not see it, then you go tell your parents.
Me now: Like a tree? Whaaa?
11/29/06
Yesterday I found out that Finny, my beta fish, died on the night before. I am still very sad about it. I had Finny for two years. I named him Finny because he had a lot of fins. And I LOVE him very much.
*picture of girl crying*
Me now: I had a beta fish?
10/24/07
It would make me feel better if Mom would do something. I wish Mom and Dad would ground me, take away my reading time, something like that.
Me now: WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE GROUNDED?!?!?!?!? I am disgusted by you, former self.
I bet I can find some stories around here somewhere...
Here is a poem I wrote in third grade:
Basketball
Bounce, bounce,
Swish, swish
The team scores!
Two points
Two points
Maybe even more!
Basketball
Bounce, bounce,
Swish, swish
The team scores!
Two points
Two points
Maybe even more!
Kay wrote: "I saw this topic and I was like, oooooh! Fun! So then I found a whole bunch of diary entries. I corrected them so that you can actually read them. 3/17/06
Kate came over and when she was there I ..."
Hilarious! XD
Old journals are hilarious... I found one of mine today and the grammer scares me... A lot... I spelt 'while' 'wiuyl'... It worries me... and I thought that a workbook cut in half was funny... My younger self scares me...
Mod
Well here I am sitting in a tree in Africa, alone looking at the stars but how did I get here, how did I get here indeed? Well I was Kriss Vera but now I am alone, gone, forgotten, by everyone but the people I am dear to. I have been here for one day now. Now I am eleven I bet society has completely forgotten me because why is one person so important in a world with billons of individuals I have never accomplished anything important, but yet why does it matter to be remembered by the world why can’t I just be remembered by my family and friends, well there is no rule ageneses that but yet I feel as if you do have to accomplish something important but that is not true. Let’s get back on task now. I ran away from society as a hole, not my family but society.
My family travels the world helping endangered and injured animals we have quite a few shelters for endanger animals as well, my brother, sister, and me are home schooled, and my only friends are my siblings, after living together in a large mobile home cancels out most sibling rivalries after a while. My brother is one year younger than me and my sister is four years older than me, my brother’s name is Joshua we all call him Josh for short, and my sisters name is Niki short for Nicole. I miss them all a lot all ready though, but let me tell you how I Escaped Into Africa.
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xD
But seriously, I'm guessing you were 11? Outside of the grammar issues, it's really quite good for someone of that age. :-)"
Ten or eleven, yeah. BUT FFF. Nooo. You have to read the whole thing. It's absolutely terrible. It makes me wonder how, if that was the foundation of my writing, I turned out okay.
KRISSWHAT
YOU SHOULD READ WHAT I WROTE WHEN I WAS ELEVEN
THAT WAS LIKE 100 TIMES BETTER
H'okay guys. I'm ready to do this.The first is a journal entry back when I went to a camp about marine life (as in, sea life.).
"Our first day at camp was spent exploring the aquariums and touch tank and using the laboratories to study coastal organisms. We learned all about the animals and how aquariums are cared for by our curators, and even got to see some tanks get fed!
We also collected plankton and invertebrates off the dock to study in the laboratory using microscopes"
(I was actually kinda impressed by the lack of spelling errors. *Narcissist*)
And now for a dramatic poem...about baseball.
"It's the bottom of the Nineth
The home team's winning
The pitcher throws the ball
And the ball starts spinning
WHAM!
The batter drops his bat
And runs for the base
As fast as he can
Sweat's running down his face
SWOOSH!
A ball whizzed past his head
Then he heard a THUNK!
And when he just realized,
His heart just sunk
He lost"
(Underlined and everything. I can't have been 9 or 10 years old when I wrote this. And it's probably the best poem I've ever written to date...hah.)
What's nineth?Also, I wrote this two chapter story called 'The' when I was like...seven which included Patrick Star, Spongebob, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Beetlejuice and others....it was beautiful, I can't believe I lost it.
I think I meant Ninth, like the ninth inning. I pretty sure I didn't even know what that was anyway.Sounds like the story of the gods. Why'd you lose it?! D:<
Thanks for clarifying.My mom was throwing cr- I have it...oh my gosh, I actually have it. I'm going to post it on here.
Nepeta wrote: "What's nineth?Also, I wrote this two chapter story called 'The' when I was like...seven which included Patrick Star, Spongebob, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Beetlejuice and others....it was be..."
NO I WANT TO READ IT
message 437:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "But My Immortal is so brilliant. <3"
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Okay so, when I was 12 I had this ongoing collection of random short stories called The Happy Raisin. I just wrote whatever random thing came into my head. It was fun. I kind of want to do keep wri..."Classic. That story should be published in a picture book to make kids everywhere very very jolly.
message 440:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Also, we should revive this topic. It's fun.
Uh oh; I have some.Here is the prologue of the last book in my first series.
Traveling for days on end without rest is tiring. Ben and Aria had been doing this.
Aria kept on telling him it was okay if they didn’t reach Coralia in a few days’ worth of time. “Besides, my father will welcome us greatly, and we will have a feast (maybe even a ball) celebrated in our honor,” she told him.
Aria still didn’t know his reason for pushing on, but knowing Ben she knew that he was hiding something, she just had no idea what.
The days lately had been dark and rainy, as if the sky knew something was going to happen, and it struck fear in Aria’s heart. She knew Ben would protect her, but something deep down inside told her that she was supposed to protect him.
They pitched a tent on Coralia’s border, in the bushes. Aria couldn’t see much, but Ben had told her that was the point. “If we can’t see the guards, then they can’t see us. We have a natural camouflage.” He smiled at her as they sat behind the bushes.
She gave him a small smile back. “But why are we hiding? Surely they know who we are?”
He hadn’t answered her.
Aria was happy. But something had been haunting her, she could sense it, and it scared her to death.
I can't believe I actually thought that this was amazing. *__*
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DUN DUN DUN.
Lav [time is moving like a dream] wrote: "She knew Ben would protect her, but something deep down inside told her that she was supposed to protect him. DUN DUN DUN."
I know, right?
I was so bad at foreshadowing.
Anastasia [I'm Wonderstruck...] wrote: "Uh oh; I have some.Here is the prologue of the last book in my first series.
Traveling for days on end without rest is tiring. Ben and Aria had been doing this.
Aria kept on tellin..."
So what happens? The sky starts speaking and tells them that it does know something is going to happen? XD
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Ah hahaha. Thanks. :P Also, we should revive this topic. It's fun."
Yup, it is fun. And seriously, that story is good :P
message 446:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Here is the prologue of the last book in my first series.
Traveling for days on end without rest is tiring. Ben and Aria had been doing this.
Aria kept on tellin..."
Haha. OOOOOooooh ominous. XD
message 447:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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Also, we should revive this topic. It's fun."
Yup, it is fun. And seriously, that story is good :P"
It is fun. And haha ... thanks. :P
message 448:
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Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
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May 21st, 2098
Entry 1-
My name is Emerald Pemdas, and today was the most exciting day of my life! I started my first archaeological dig ever.
I’ve always dreamed of being an archaeologist. I’ve always dreamed of digging up the past—it’s as close to getting into a time machine that I’ll ever get.
We arrived here (in Egypt) on a helicopter. It took us 5 seconds to get here from the USA. The speed made our stomachs topple about inside us, but it was worth it. We are finally here, after all the years of research and planning. We are finally here.
It’s not going to be too exciting. It’s only a minor dig. We don’t expect to find too much, but at least we’ll get some information.
It all started when some tourists stumbled upon a piece of pottery out here, and we got involved in it, and now we’re going to dig and see if we find anything.
When we got here, the first thing we did was to set up tents. We decided to relax a little bit inside the tents, out of the hot sun, and recover from the trip.
I lay inside the tent, too excited to rest.
The tent flap suddenly opened, and in walked my friend and assistant, Joe Clark.
It had been decided earlier that I needed someone to guide me through my first dig, and Joe has had lots of experience with archaeology, and it was decided that he would do the guiding.
Joe smiled, and I could see that he was holding something behind his back. A few moments later, he pulled out two journals, and handed one of them to me.
“Here,” he said, “Since this is your first dig, I decided that you could record some of your thoughts in this.”
I thanked him, flipping through the blank, unfilled pages.
I discovered that this is a special archaeology journal. In the back there is a list of archaeological terms, which is most helpful to me, because I sometimes forget what the strange words mean. It’s almost like there’s a whole new language to archeology.
... The real reason there were archaeology terms in the back was because we had to define a bunch of terms as part of the project. Ah haha.
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This is actually really adorable.
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Disorientation, blurred vision, drowsiness, loss of self-control, incontrollable laughter, vomiting, slurred speech, convulsions, and hallucinations. That’s hardly a day at the park. Wonder what has caused all this? Hairspray, deodorant, whippets, spot remover, rubber cement, gasoline, and many more common items, also known as inhalants.
Most people know what inhalants are, but here is what most people don’t know. Did you know that you could die from huffing only once? This is known as Sudden Sniffing Death. If you don’t die, you can permanently damage your lungs and kidneys. Not all the effects feel bad at the time. Excitement and self-confidence feel great for a time, but put that next to irreversible brain damage, and it seems like nothing.
Why on earth do people want to do inhalants? That’s what I’d like to know, so here are some reasons I found on the Internet. People get excited when they use inhalants, or it helps them forget about their problems. Sometimes their friends pressure them, or maybe they are bored and want to try something new. Many teenagers are rebelling against their authorities. Also, it is cheaper and easier to get than alcohol and other drugs, and has many of the same effects. A lot of people don’t even consider them a drug, and that is a problem.
Inhalants are just one of the many things we learn about in D.A.R.E. It is a great program that has reinforced my strong desire to never, ever get involved with drugs or alcohol. The number of kids who do drugs, or drink alcohol is shrinking every day. D.A.R.E. has played a great part in increasing the number of kids who will say NO when facing alcohol and drugs. I want everyone to have the opportunity I have to be safe and drug free. D.A.R.E. has taught me that no matter what other people may say, drugs and alcohol are bad and they will hurt me, so I will NEVER start.
