Young Writers discussion
Scenes
>
Make fun of my old writing.
message 451:
by
Elliott
(new)
Dec 26, 2012 12:46PM
Mod
reply
|
flag
message 452:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Ooh thanks for giving me a list of things to go snort, Lav! ... Haha just kidding.
I also like: That’s what I’d like to know, so here are some reasons I found on the Internet.
Lulz.
That reminds me, one time we had to make these anti-smoking poster things in my fifth grade class, and I think one person from each class won. And I won in my class ... My poster was this picture of a giant cigarette blowing smoke all over the earth and my little slogan thingie was "JUST ONE PUFF IS MORE THAN ENOUGH." Yeah. XD
message 453:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Ella shrieked and pleaded when her parents told her about the mouse traps. Her parents scolded her and said that she shouldn’t feel so strongly for such “dirty creatures”, and that the traps wouldn’t hurt the mouse, they would just hold it firmly in one place, until they decided how to deal with it.
Ella ran to the window and sat down next to it. She looked out. She saw the tops of houses, flowers, trees, unexplored paths, and far away, a sparkling blue line, which was the sea. Her village was so beautiful. Ella sighed both with satisfaction, and with pity for the mice. Her parents had noticed food disappearing, and had blamed it all on the mice. They had decided to set mouse traps around the house. But Ella loved mice. She had always believed that mice had magical powers.
Just then Ella heard a snap, a squeel and a whimper. She turned and saw a small brown mouse with its tail caught in a trap. She wanted to help it, but something kept her from doing it. She thought about what her parents would do if they caught her. She thought of terrible punishments. And she wouldn’t have tooken it out of the trap, if it hadn’t stopped squirming, looked up at her, and snapped “Well don’t just stand there! Help me out of this trap!”
Ella was startled, and amazed at the same time. She had been right! She had always known that mice could talk! Hastily she stood up, and tiptoed quietly but quickly to the mouse trap.
Ella kneeled down. She looked behind her and then said to the mouse, “What if my parents catch me?”
“They won’t.”
“But how do you know?”
“Because I know.”
It took Ella a while, but finally she pried the trap off the mouse’s tail. She expected it to just run away, but instead it stood on its hind legs, and said, “Since you have helped me, I will help you.”
Ella laughed. “How could you help me?”
“I can tell the future.” Said the mouse calmly. And put up a hand (paw) to tell Ella not to say another word. It closed its eyes for a while, and then said to Ella, “A horrible monster will come to destroy your town.” Before Ella could say anything it said “But—you will kill it.”
Ella couldn’t believe it. Suddenly she heard loud booms outside.
“That’s him!” the mouse said quickly. It closed its eyes and a huge sword appeared in front of Ella.
Mod
“Because I know.”
I AM DYING. Oh my gosh, I can't stop laughing.
message 455:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
message 456:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
I only started writing aged 11, and my very first story was about a girl who could disappear in smoke. She was “sooper speshul' and the chosen one, naturally. It had everything wrong with it, crappy love triangle, cardboard characters, 'harrowing' past including abesntee parents and murdered brother. Everything.I managed to get 22,000 words into the story before realising that I was an idiot and deleting it.
message 458:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
@Brigid: I can barely read paragraphs I wrote a day ago without cringing, I'm absolutely hopeless.
Mod
message 461:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Oh gosh. I just came across this beautiful story I started ... I don't know when. I was probably 9 or 10. I'm not sure what I was on when I was writing it. Aaand luckily I never continued it. Ah ha..."That was a.......profound experience.
message 464:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Indeed. Sometimes I feel like I'll never improve, and then I realize how much my writing has gotten better just in the past 4-5 years or so, and that makes me feel better. :P"Oh dear, I'm the exact opposite. I just realize how bad I've always been. :P
I write stuff and the next day I'm just like, "Ahhhhh gross" and I come here and realize I sound like the writing that everyone's laughing at and headdesk.
message 466:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
And psh, that's not true. As far as I know you're not writing stories where psychic mice make swords appear and stuff like that. XD
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Haha, well I have those moments too. I still hate a lot of things I wrote recently, but at least they're not as bad as what I wrote when I was like, 12.And psh, that's not true. As far as I know ..."
I agree. I'm not exactly loving the stuff I'm writing now, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on it.
And, Emily, I enjoy your writing! I'm the one with the problem! XD
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Haha, well I have those moments too. I still hate a lot of things I wrote recently, but at least they're not as bad as what I wrote when I was like, 12.And psh, that's not true. As far as I know ..."
I was meaning my writing style.
All right, everyone;I will treat you all to the first story I wrote Just remember, I wrote this when I was, like, ten, so it's not going to sound very sophisticated. *blushes and grimaces*
Andrew packed his sunglasses, his towel, and almost forgot the diving gear. He was going to the beach, just his friends and himself, to celebrate summer vacation. He just remembered, he needed
his surfboard, just in case.
He was to meet his friends at the gas station, and they would drive the 15 minutes to the beach. He checked his watch : 11:43. "I'd better get going ," he said to himself,"Or I'll be late."As he got in
the car, he wondered if Casey would be there.
Casey was one of his best friends ( and secretly his crush ). He always gazed at her for a long time when he saw her, especially if he was admiring her beauty. She had long, brown, straight hair that fell
down her back. She also had hazel eyes that looked like broccoli. She was the most beautiful girl Andrew had ever seen."If I could just kiss
her, just once....," But his thoughts were interrupted, for there stood his friends: Joey, Erin, Michael, and Casey. "Yes, she's here," Andrew said quietly.
"Hey, Andy, we've been waiting for you," said Joey.
"Sorry. I guess I just let myself daydream,"
"Bro, we're late. I want to surf," Erin was saying. "And look for shells."
"We can also walk along the beach," said Casey.
So they got in the car and started driving to the beach.
Well, I...um...I guess we all have to start somewhere, right?
Oh, gosh.
GUYS I DUG UP MY EIGHTH GRADE JOURNALOkay, I know it was from last year, but my stuff in there was terrible. Granted, I wasn't trying to be good in the first place, but here's a highlight, complete with the simple grammar and spelling errors I made in the rush to get it done in time to share it:
The World's Greatest Unheard of War!
"We've all heard of World Wars. But do you actually know what it's about? It all started in the 5th century BC when China invented a machine that could turn anything into gold. When news leaked out, all the countries wanted it and hired Mongolians to go raid it because they were much to lazy themselves.
Frantic, they built the Great Wall of China while they had a few battles to keep them away.
The machine was forgotten. Centuries later, in a young country called America a couple of cowboys disappeared, showing up on the Great Wall of China with Spartans and the Huns, and some new warrior that called themselves stormtroopers.
The Mongolians were starting their revenge... with space ships.
A battle broke out (after the people recovered from "hibernation sickness" which was apparently from something called "carbon freeze"), but the Chinese just barely won.
What they didn't know was that the Spartans were hiding.
They traveled to America, where they found a Dr. Brown and a kid named Marty and hijacked a strange machine that sent the hurtling to the late thirties.
Apparently World War I had been fought over the assissination of the only person who knew where the Chinese machine was.
World War II started when the Spartans found the immortal Chuck Norris, stole a Mongolian space ship, and accidentally crashed into Germany, causing mass destruction that was blamed on certain people and started WWII.
The Chuck Norris and the Spartans found the Chinese machine. The Chinese launched a cultural attack that changed the way of the government so they could launch attack on the army.
Russia and America realized what was happening and launched a silent attack on who would dare go into China to steal the machine.
WWIII is still going on. I believe that America will make a move first, but if Chuck Norris decided to stop being easy it would be over soon."
YES I REALIZE THAT THE WORLD WAR II THING MIGHT BE CONSIDERED INSENSITIVE
OH WELL
Another gem from my eighth grade journal:"Once upon a time there was a sea monster who was very sad. His name was Sam. Sam was all alone because the humans had scared off all the other sea monsters. He had no idea where they had gone!
One day as he was swimming around he found a hatch. He swam through the hatch after finally getting it open and found himself in Narnia! But the Narnians were at war, so he found himself in a PotC movie! But because he would be controlled by pirates, he found himself on Naboo! But the monsters were mean there, so he left and was very sad again. But then he found himself in a big lake infront of Hogwarts! He was very happy he had kept swimming.
And that is how the giant squid got to Hogwarts.
Also, he was alone and took Cymbalta and was happy."
OH MY GOODNESS GUYS THIS WAS IN MY EIGHTH GRADE JOURNAL AS WELL AND I AM A GENIUSHarry Potter and the Sorcerer's Phone
-Alternate ending-
"'Ahh! We're being eaten by this plant!' Ron screamed.
A bright green light shined throughout the room.
'What was that?' Ron said as he hit the ground.
'New Lumos app,' Hermione explained. 'I can even change the color! Pink - blue - chartreuse!'
[Getting the key]
'I don't have enough time to look!' Harry shouted.
'I wonder what iApparate does--"
Pop! 'Ow, what just happened?'
'Well, we don't need to look for a key anymore,' Ron said brightly.
[At the giant wizard chessboard]
'I'll look up all the possible ways to do this,' Ron said whisking away on the keyboard.
'Or I can hack the system,' Hermione said. The King on the other side exploded.
[Getting the portions]
'Ron, you stay at the Wizard Chess because I don't trust you,' Hermione said.
Ron grumbled off as Harry and Hermione headed through.
'Ah! Which potion do we need?' Harry shouted.
Hermione pulled out her phone and scanned the iPhone labels. 'Buy 2 poisons, get 2 free. I guess those aren't what we need.'
[Harry gets through]
'MWA HA HA!'
'Ah!' Harry screamed. 'Quirell - you're Voldemort?'
'Yes, now look into the Mirror!'
Harry looked into it and saw a phone be dropped into his pocket.
'Do you have the iPhonus 5s?' Quirell screamed.
'Wait - you want a phone, not a stone?'
'Yes! It has high-speed internet, more memory, and Angry Hedwigs already installed!'
'But I invented Angry Hedwigs! I'm the Boy that Invented and they can't just use it for their own profit!'
Enrage, Harry used the timer on iApparate and threw the phone to Voldemort. When the timer went off, it squilched the two and Quirrell disentigrated."
The I had other ideas below that:
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Android - Harry dropped his phone and sent off the iPatronus by accident.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Reception - Uses Hallow Finder app."
Emily [Bobby Darin is a dork] wrote: "OH MY GOODNESS GUYS THIS WAS IN MY EIGHTH GRADE JOURNAL AS WELL AND I AM A GENIUSHarry Potter and the Sorcerer's Phone
-Alternate ending-
"'Ahh! We're being eaten by this plant!' Ron screamed.
..."
TOTAL WIN.
Anastasia [I'm Wonderstruck...] wrote: "All right, everyone;I will treat you all to the first story I wrote that introduced me to writing full-time.Just remember, I wrote this when I was, like, ten, so it's not going to sound very soph..."
Hazel eyes that looked like broccoli? Whaaaaaaaaa? XD
Emily [Bobby Darin is a dork] wrote: "Anastasia [I'm Wonderstruck...] wrote: "All right, everyone;I will treat you all to the first story I wrote that introduced me to writing full-time.Just remember, I wrote this when I was, like, t..."
Ummm...yeah. :/
Anastasia [I'm Wonderstruck...] wrote: "Emily [Bobby Darin is a dork] wrote: "Anastasia [I'm Wonderstruck...] wrote: "All right, everyone;I will treat you all to the first story I wrote that introduced me to writing full-time.Just reme..."
I'm trying ro understand this simile.
Don't worry, you're fine! ;). I'm saying that I think it's awkward and stupid. So I guess I'm kind of agreeing with you.
message 479:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Just reme..."
HAHA EYES LIKE BROCCOLI. I love it. XD
I'm actually so mortified at how I used to start my stories that I can't bear to post them here.Here's just a BRILLIANT line:
So here I am, gripping my purple sparkly pen, not able to erase a single word I write, pouring out my story on pages, the ink like the vines of ivy as it grows up and around a fence post...
HOW IS INK LIKE IVY THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
Honestly who was I in the eighth grade
message 482:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Thank you, thank you. *Bows*
EJ wrote: "I'm actually so mortified at how I used to start my stories that I can't bear to post them here.Here's just a BRILLIANT line:
So here I am, gripping my purple sparkly pen, not able to erase a si..."
Hahaha!
Well, at least you've recognized the mistake now!
Anastasia [I'm Wonderstruck...] wrote: "EJ wrote: "I'm actually so mortified at how I used to start my stories that I can't bear to post them here.Here's just a BRILLIANT line:
So here I am, gripping my purple sparkly pen, not able to..."
True! Every time I go to my old writing I can't stop laughing, but it's better to learn from mistakes then keep making them.
Exactly! :D
message 486:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Haha, not bad for a twelve-year-old. At least you put a lot of thought into choreographing that fight scene. ;D
message 487:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Then I had the dream.
I dreamed that I was wandering through a big palace, full of halls that had sharp turning corners, and I was running through them, aimlessly, not knowing where I was headed for, as if my feet had their own minds. I couldn’t stop. I suddenly ran into a big room. At first, I didn’t notice the queen. All I noticed was the huge room with the big red carpet embroidered with golden designs, and the windows that were ten times taller than me, with their fine, long, white, lacy curtains. And then I saw the queen. Her face was white with make-up, her lips were as red as blood, her eyelids heavy with blue. Her face was very old and wrinkled, and her lips were tight together so that she looked like an old turtle. She wore jewel-covered crown on top of her stringy red hair. Her eyes were on fire with fury, and her hands were clenched in fists. Sadie was there too, standing before the queen, crying. Neither of them seemed to notice me, standing there, shocked.
“A dragon? A DRAGON?” the queen screamed. “You expect me to believe that?” I gasped as she reached out and slapped Sadie hard in the face.
“But it’s true!” Sadie sobbed desperatly. “Why would I make this up? It snatched her right from my hands! There was nothing I could do, your majesty. It dropped your daughter right into the village!”
The queen slapped her again. “You fool! You idiot! You are not telling the truth! You probably dropped the baby yourself by accident! And if she fell into the village, then for goodness sake go get her back!”
“But—but the village is so far away…”
“I said go get her!”
The queen raised her hand to slap Sadie again, but this time, without thinking, I ran between them and jumped up. I felt the strong hand slam against my cheek. I fell to the ground, rubbing the spot where she had hit me. I think that Sadie screamed, but I’m not quite sure, for then I woke up.
It was morning. The slap still burned on my cheek. I ran to the mirror. There was a bruise where the queen slapped me. I rubbed it to see if it was just a smudge of food or dirt, maybe. But it hurt, and it didn’t come off. It was real. Maybe somehow I had really been there. But how? I looked in the mirror again. I saw that in my fright and confusion, I had forgotten to take off my necklace before I had gotten into bed last night.
It was a locket. It was silver, and crystal designs glittered on the cover. Sadie had given it to me. I wasn’t supposed to open it. It was supposed to have a unicorn tear in it, and Sadie said it couldn’t be replaced if it fell out. That had been a long time ago, and she hadn’t mentioned it since. So I figured that it had just been something to fire up my imagination when I was small.
Suddenly, I remembered that unicorn tears gave you strange realistic dreams if you wore them in a locket around your neck while you were sleeping. That explained it.
Unicorn tears? Well, that's certainly better than anything I could have come up with at that age. XD
message 489:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
That's cute. And cool. Write something with unicorns in it now, except use your awesome Brigid-style. I swear unicorns will forever be completely epic after that.
message 491:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Predatory unicorns? Hell yeah--step away from classic myth!
message 493:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Actually I feel like I recently heard about a book about killer unicorns ... I don't remember what it's called, though. Haha...
message 495:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Aww yeahhh!Actually I feel like I recently heard about a book about killer unicorns ... I don't remember what it's called, though. Haha..."
what
message 497:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Here it is: Rampant"Wait, this is a legit book? Like, not even a comedy?
It's a legit book, and it was kind of terrible.
message 500:
by
Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
(new)
Mod
