Style Notes

[Seb]

Hi

The idea here: As authors we should exchange ideas on the elusive style thing. We all do it our own way, of course, as we should, but.......

I was looking at Jeff Abbott's writing now and seven years ago. Jeff is a writer that I admire, so this is not intended in any way as anything critical.

Back in 2004 in his Whit Mosely Thriller 'A Kiss Gone Bad', some sample dialogue runs like this:

'Why don't you get started on searching and cataloguing the rest of the boat?' Claudia suggested in a patient tone. Gardner went upstairs with his smirk.
'Houston know-it-all,' Claudia muttered.
Eddies' gotta stop those public displays of affection for me,' Whit said..........
'This just sucks,' Whit said.
'Did you know him well?' Claudia asked........

All those attributions!

No, in 2010's (excellent) 'Adrenaline', we have

'Tell us, who did you and Lucy work for?'
'The Company.' I used the insider term for the CIA.
He shifted the words: 'Who gave you the money that Lucy moved through the accounts?'
'I didn't know about the money.'
'Why did you bomb the office? Who was threatened by the office's work?'

No attributions just beats.

That's much more modern. Surprising how much that has changed in just seven years. The idea then was that all those 'saids' and 'answereds' and 'muttereds' and 'askeds' would be understood by the reader to be there for guidance and were not to be noticed. Now they seem to get in the way.

That's how I'm seeing it. What do you think?

Seb

Take No More

Adrenaline

[Mark]

I agree, Seb. I write quite a bit of dialog. If done right I think there will be a good rhythm that allows a writer to avoid qualifying each interaction. And it runs smoother and faster. I like it better.

[Melinda]

I agree as well. I always notice if there are multiple "he saids" and "she saids." It interrupts the flow.

Melinda
Appalachian Justice

[Seb]

Where it gets more difficult, when you have three or more speakers on stage at the same time, what then?

[Matt]

My favorite trick is to replace the dialog attribution with a tiny bit of stage direction if I need to clarify who's speaking. It has the added bonus of getting around those painful adverbs that you know sound awful, but you're tempted to use anyway because you need to convey emotion. So in the middle of a string if dialog, I might use

Timmy tapped his chin with his finger. "That might be true."

instead of

"That might be true," Timmy added contemplatively.

Of course, it's all about the flow of the conversation. If I picture the scene as a screenplay, I can have Timmy tap his chin when I want a brief pause before he speaks.

[Seb]

Matt

I think that you are right on the money with this. It's just a more modern way of writing. And it gets to the heart of the next style issue that should be posted about here - how to avoid using those 'those painful adverbs that you know sound awful, but you're tempted to use anyway'. I'll try to put something together on that. But of anyone here wants to lead off on that......

[Merrill]

I have a whole section on writing effective dialog on my blog. Here's a link to one article that addresses this topic specifically -- No Expostulating Allowed

Merrill Heath
Bearing False Witness

[Seb]

Thanks, Merrill. That adds nicely. And I like the word 'expostulating'!